


Return to Innocence {Hiatus}

by ShineYunhyeong21



Category: Winner (Band), iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, CEO Junhoe, Cheating, Conflicted Donghyuk, Dark Thoughts, Developing Friendships, Director Hanbin, Director JInhwan, Divorce, Dormant Chanwoo, Drinking, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Jealousy, Junhoe is a rich asshole, M/M, Manager Bobby, Murder, OC friends and family, Office Setting, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Smut, Some Fluff, Sorry Junhoe and Seungyoon, Swearing, Temp Yunhyeong, Trauma, Violence, complicated feelings, jail time, somewhat happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2019-09-28 23:59:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 58,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17192660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShineYunhyeong21/pseuds/ShineYunhyeong21
Summary: What is Innocence? The dictionary says that it is being free from guilt or sin through being unacquainted with evil.What is evil? The dictionary says that it is arising from actual or imputed bad character or conduct.One is free from sin while the other arises from it, so if they basically stem from the same thing, then what exactly is innocence? And why am I trying so hard to return to it? Why don't I have any clue on what is? Why is life so blank and void of many answers? Why do I have so many questions?I think I'll find the answer if I let myself succumb to the past that haunts me, but it's easier to hold onto the unknown rather than playing with the things you do know.





	1. Wear Thin

**Author's Note:**

> New Story...YAY! 
> 
> Anyway, I've been working on this since the end of the summer after watching My Mister/My Ahjussi - the plot is loosely based on that drama. It's really good and the whole cast did a good job :). To be honest, I don't really know what to say but enjoy. 
> 
> Also, I might be missing some tags so as we go along - please - tell me what to add. My brain can only think of so much at one time, sadly. I'll probably update this whenever I can, so I'm sorry if it isn't on a schedule, but it soon will be once I finish other stories and settle into the routine of being in school again.

I was always told that there was nothing special about me, and I’d have to agree. I’m not particularly good at anything – I just try my best, so how I got hired to work as a temp for such a big company was beyond me, but I didn’t dwell on it too much. I made it nothing special, just like me.

The pile of envelopes that sat in front of me waiting to be distributed seemed to take my mind off of the rush that was going on around me. It wasn’t like our office was busy or anything, but the voices were loud, especially Yoona. She was too jumpy and screamed about every little thing and it pissed me off. Just a few minutes ago, she was screaming over a lady bug calling it a wasp and other insects that flew around. She was an idiot who thought she held power when all she did was answer phone calls and talk with others – to be honest, she was a secretary with a different title.

Grabbing the envelopes, I distributed them to who they belonged to and heading into Director Kim’s office, I sat his on his desk before leaving. I closed the door quietly even though he wasn’t in there, but it’s not like I want to run into him anyway. His kindness creeped me out.

Heading back to my desk, I saw a new pile of papers that had one of the other employees yelling for me to copy and hand then out. Taking a deep breath, I nodded picking it up trying not to let my feelings of distaste be known at the fact that it was my job, but they acted as if their legs didn’t work. Throwing the copier’s lid up, I slammed one of the papers inside and closing the lid I pressed the button making enough for everyone in the office.

“Hey, can you get me some paper?” Sighing, I used my foot to open the cabinet that it was in not wanting to bend down as I was busy at the moment. “Yah! Do I look like a temp? Get it and hand it to me!”

Glancing at him, I rolled my eyes not understanding how Manager Kim felt so entitled when his hands worked better than my own. Bending down, I grabbed the packet tossing it at him before kicking the cabinet closed with my foot.

“UGH! Get the hell out! If you aren’t going to do your job, then you might as well not come back!” His yelling was such a turn-off that even if I was attracted to him, I would lose all interest.

“Jiwon-ah calm down. Can’t you see that he’s busy?” Behind him appeared, Director Kim with his normal neutral expression that had Manager Kim stomping away clutching the packet to his chest. “Yunhyeong, when you get a chance come to my office, please.”

Looking away from him, I changed the paper wanting to copy the rest so that I could go to my part-time job. I dreaded that job just as much as I dreaded coming to this one. I finished copying the papers and making small packets out of them I handed them to everyone making sure to leave Manager Kim last. Slapping his down, I walked off towards Director Kim’s office, who was waiting on me with a small smile on his face – creep. He motioned for me to sit down, so taking the seat that he pointed towards, I sat down looking around his office. I didn’t want to make eye-contact with him.

“Yunhyeong, you’ve been here for three months and the organization that you do for us is kindly appreciated. But -,” Finally meeting his eyes, I expected him to fire me like everyone else. “But you don’t get along with your colleagues and I keep getting complaints to fire you, and that’s the last thing that I want to do. So, can you try to be more sociable? And nicer, especially to Manager Kim?”

I wanted to say no but decided against it as this job paid me nicely. Nodding, curtly, I stood leaving as my shift had ended which meant that I could go home unless I was working overtime. Which never really happened. Grabbing my jacket and bag, I left ignoring the words of others as they weren’t important, none of them were. Taking the subway to the club that I bartended at, I entered pushing past people so that I could get behind the bar and into the back room. Unbuttoning my temp button up, I smoothed out the black shirt I had underneath before stuffing the piece of fabric into my bag, and then stuffing my bag and jacket into my locker. Tucking in my shirt, I pulled on my belt tight and cleaning up my appearance a little, I headed out greeting the other bartenders that I never really talked to.

“Let me get whiskey on the rocks!” Nodding, I turned my back onto the customer grabbing the small glass filling it with two ice cubes before pouring the strong whiskey over it.

The music had started back up causing the bass to shake the floor, but I was used to it by now. I was used to a lot of things by now.

I worked well into the evening, and when my shift had ended, I left sometime after midnight. Pulling on my jacket, I walked through the neighborhood that I hated with my head down already knowing that my peace would soon be ending. Sighing, I stopped at the bottom of the steep stairs that lead to my home and even though nothing looked disturbed I knew better than that. Taking one step at a time, the air became fresher the higher I got but it was suffocating which made it seem like the same air that was at the bottom. Pushing open the small gate that held my front door behind it, the lights were off and if I hadn’t been here many times before then I would have thought that my run-down home was left untouched. But I knew better than that – I knew better than he knew himself.

Entering, I left my shoes by the door before stepping deeper inside and opening the fridge it was empty, so going into my studio-like bedroom-living room, I sat down at the small table that held the old TV I never watched. Pressing the button on the kettle, the water started to boil causing me to be momentarily distracted by the bubbles that had risen quickly. Grabbing a cup, I filled it with the boiled water before pouring a packet of hot coco inside wanting to try something new even though the same scene was sure to replay. The light on the small desk that I had, flicked on, making his shadow cast across me. Does he really get a kick out of this?

“Why didn’t you turn on the light? Are you scared to let anyone know that you’re at home?” Sipping on the cup, I closed my eyes taking a silent deep breath not wanting him to know that his words affected me.

Such simple words that meant nothing, but for some reason I was shaking.

“I’m about to go to sleep, so I found no reason to.” He laughed while standing and sitting my cup down, I pushed it further back thinking about the burns that I had gotten a few months ago.

“Sleep? Do you think you deserve to sleep?!” His hands which had tangled themselves into my hair many times before did the same thing tonight.

The pain was now a numb feeling to me that seemed to be a part of my life now. His punches, slaps, and kicks all hurt but they didn’t hurt as much as the mental pain that I had to relive every time he barged into my home wishing to inflict pain onto me. He was just like his Hyung, but he’d never know seeing as how everyone is scared to tell him. I’m not scared – I just don’t want to give him the satisfaction of me hating him more than I already do.

Yanking me up from the floor, he was breathing heavily while trying to look into my eyes already knowing that he wanted to see my tears. He wanted to hear me scream and breakdown, but that was something I stopped doing a long time. The me from back then would have gladly cried and screamed if it meant that there would be no more pain, but the me now doesn’t give a damn. I wished I wasn’t born almost every single day, and on the days that he would come in here, I got a little excited thinking that my suffering would surely come to an end. Only problem is that he stops way before I’m at the edge.

“Disgusting.” Throwing me to the ground, I didn’t move as I listened to him storm out slamming the door, then the gate behind him, his curses ringing in the air.

A few minutes passed like that, where I lay unmoving wondering how my life came to this point. How did I lose everything when I had nothing to begin with? Sitting up, I coughed causing blood to splatter on the floor, which I used my knee to clean up. Turning off the lamp, I didn’t want to see the pathetic version of myself anymore, I’ll just clean up in the morning and go on like nothing had ever happened. Like I never happened.

(~*~)

Watching Yunhyeong leave my office, I shook my head because he was young and already hated by so many people. If only his attitude changed, then he’d be accepted more. Only if. Sighing, I scratched the back of my neck knowing that it is best not to dwell on it as he said that he would try, and I have no reason not to believe him. Flipping open the packet that I was glancing at before I left my office, I went back to it hoping that this would all be resolved in due time.

“Hanbin?” Glancing towards the door, Jiwon had half of his body in causing me to nod as he came fully in the room closing the door behind him. “Why are you so nice to him? Do you like him?”

Snorting, I shook my head as Jiwon’s thoughts were always way out there and I just couldn’t understand some time. Holding up my hand, I showed him the wedding ring from the wedding that he attended all those years ago.

“Like that means anything! Hanbin, I know you would never but it’s fine to be conflicted sometimes.” Rolling my eyes, I closed the packet already knowing that he wouldn’t be leaving until I gave him a satisfactory answer.

“Conflicted? I love Jinhwan, and I’d never let my feelings stray. You, however, ended your first marriage quickly because you couldn’t keep your feelings pure.” Sitting on the edge of my desk, he looked down on me with this look that said that he didn’t believe me. “What?”

“My feelings were pure, but he felt that I was too busy with work and my family to care about him, so he left. I didn’t hold him back and went to have a one-night stand the day the divorce was official. Now, enough about me, I’m just curious on why you keep giving him all these chances when he’s an asshole? Is it because he does his work well?” Shaking my head, I leaned back into my chair not fully understanding why he cared so much.

“Yes, now, get back to work before you become a temp.” He quickly ran out of the room, leaving me to all these papers and documents that I had to go over. “I’ll be working late, again.”

Two hours had passed without much, and as the sound of knocking had taken me from my work, I was greeted once more with Jiwon’s face. Pointing at his watch, I pointed at the pile in front of me causing him to nod before closing the door. The office was soon empty leaving only me and the few other people who still had worked to do. Pulling out my phone, I checked it only to see that there were no messages or missed phone calls, which had become the norm nowadays. I guess, I’ll call him instead. It rang for a long time before he picked up, voice a little breathy, but I didn’t think anything of it.

“Were you busy? You sound as if you just ran a marathon.” Chuckling, I held the phone with my shoulder so that I could get back to work.

“Uh, not really, I was just going over some papers and I left my phone in the bedroom.” Humming, I began to scribble my signature across the bottom of the paper I’ve been going over for the last few minutes. “Did you need something?”

“I was just calling to let you know that I’ll be working overtime, so don’t wait up. I should be home before midnight, though.” A quick okay and then the phone was hung up in my face. “I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.”

Shaking my head to clear it, I hit it lightly as I shouldn’t dwell on it too much. We’ve both been busy with work and even though we don’t get to see each other besides in the morning and when we go to bed, it’s alright. We’re both hardworking adults, so this was bound to happen. A strain was sure to be put on our relationship.

Getting back to my work, I rushed through it not wanting to be in here anymore. I spend day in and day out here, it’s as if this office has become my home and I don’t like it. Texting Jiwon to meet me for drinks at our normal spot, he told me not to be late causing a small smile to creep into my face. Organizing my desk, so that I knew what needed to be sent out in the morning, I grabbed my bag and coat kissing my office goodbye. I took the subway into the neighborhood that I lived in along with a good handful of the staff and going to our favorite bar I was glad to see that he beat me. He was dressed casually in comparison to my suit, but I liked him better like this, he wasn’t so uptight.

“I thought I was going to get drunk before you arrived.” Rolling my eyes, I asked the owner for another bottle of Soju along with a glass. “Did you finish everything?”

“Yeah.” Raising his eyebrow at me, I laughed slouching into the chair a little. “I rushed, a little bit, but it’s all done correctly. I scanned over it before signing it.”

“Mr. Director, you’re worse than I am.” Punching his shoulder, I took the bottle that was handed to me with a thankful smile.

“There is a difference between us, Jiwon. I do all my work correctly even if I half-ass it, while you are prone to make mistakes if you half-ass anything. So, we can’t be compared.” Bringing the glass to my lips, I threw it back loving the way how it burned on its way down.

“Whatever. I can’t believe we were roommates in college, actually I can’t believe we’re still friends.” People liked being friends with me, so that’s on him. “That reminds me!”

Blinking, slowly, I watched as this disgusted look came onto his face in the form of a scowl. It must be bad for him to make that face.

“That rotten bastard Koo Junhoe called me into his office and he literally tried to tell me how to do my job. It’s not even that, what’s worse is that half of the board was in there trying to have a meeting with him.” Pouring his glass, I shook my head as there was nothing, we could do about him. “I think he’s doing it out of spite – it has to be! We’re his college seniors! Where is our respect?!”

“Wherever the hell his is.” Sighing, I threw back the glass for the nth time since our conversation started.

“He acts all high and might just because he became a CEO at a young age. He probably fucked the Chairman for the position.” Snickering, his words were funny because we both knew that it wasn’t true.

Koo Junhoe is just a greedy bastard.

We drunk well into the night and as we now walked the side streets towards our homes, I could only sigh while looking at the sky. The moon nor the stars were out which left a dark blanket of nothing to cover it. The streets light lit up our way and without them we would probably be lost in darkness – a darkness that I was living in every day. Coming to the split, I stood watching until he made it up the small hill and towards his apartment building. Once he had entered the gate, I went in the opposite direction this time staring straight ahead. I could see that the lights were on from where I stood which meant that we would probably argue as I was late. It was way past midnight and I have work in the morning.

Entering the complex, I greeted the guard on night duty before heading inside and riding the elevator to our floor. Stepping off, I lightly pressed in the code, opening the door, and entering the home that was well-lit for this time of morning, or night. Taking off my coat, I threw it across the arm of the couch he sat on along with my bag and suit jacket. He wasn’t saying anything, and I wasn’t one to start conflict, so I continued on my way. Showering, quickly, I changed into my pajamas before lying down and getting comfortable.

“Do you know how late it is?” Flinching, his voice was right in my ear causing me to turn around and see that he had climbed into bed without me noticing.

“Sorry, I got a drink with Jiwon after work.” Closing my eyes, I didn’t think more on it but obviously he did.

“A drink? Why would you go out when there’s alcohol in the fridge? We could have drunk together.” Sighing, I kept my eyes closed not understanding his recent train of thought.

“You said you were busy, and I didn’t want to bother you; plus, there are only things that Jiwon and I can talk about. I wouldn’t want you to feel left out because you don’t understand anything.” A few hard slaps to my chest had me jumping up to look at him as if he was crazy.

“I won’t understand anything? How can I when you won’t talk to me?! You’re always drinking and talking with other people besides me! Do I not mean anything to you now?!” Rubbing my face, I got out of bed grabbing my pillow because Jiwon probably had a point. “Where are you going?!”

“To the couch, where I’ll end up at the end of this argument anyway. Goodnight, Jinhwan.” I stopped myself from saying his nickname to let him know that I was done with the conversation.

Flopping down on said couch, I took the throw pulling it over myself as I got comfortable. My feelings for him will never change but my patience with him is slowly thinning.


	2. No Big Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It happens to everyone, so it isn't that big of a deal or is it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to put their ages in the last chapter, so here they are now. It'll make the flashbacks make more sense.  
> iKON Members Age ~  
> Jinhwan, Hanbin & Bobby - 35 years old  
> Junhoe - 32 years old  
> Yunhyeong - 23 years old  
> Donghyuk & Chanwoo - 20 years old 
> 
> Winner Members Age ~  
> Jiwoo & Mino - 27 years old  
> Seunghoon - 26 years old 
> 
> *Seungyoon is 24 years old during the flashbacks.*

When morning came, I cleaned my face and body up, applying ointment and bandages where it was needed. Putting on sunglasses, I walked fast as I left my home not wanting anyone to see me because people around here like to start conversations with strangers – it was annoying. Heading towards the subway, the city was busy as always. People were running to catch a train, bus, or cab that they likely missed. Sighing, I put on my headphones playing music that I wished would help me forget the language that I spoke, but that was kind of hard to do. Glancing to the side of me, I stopped pulling out my phone and without much notice I snapped a few pictures before continuing on my way.

Director Kim was sure to freak once I send them to him.

Laughing, I made it to work without much hassle and entering the building I ignored the stares and whispers of other as they wondered what was wrong with me. Turning up my music, I really wish people would mind their own business, everything doesn’t have to be your lunch gossip. Riding the elevator to our office, it stopped a few floors below causing me to step back waiting on whoever was to enter and I was more than surprised when it was Director Kim with a few other Directors. They must have had a meeting, but without the CEO?

“Yunhyeong? You’re early.” Ignoring his words, I kept staring straight past him and at the elevator doors.

The doors opened on our floor and everyone including myself piled out. Others went in the direction of their own offices leaving only Director Kim and I as we carried on in silence. Going to my desk, the whispers started up again, but I ignored them like I did everything else. Yoona’s voice was the loudest and it was filled with disgust at the fact that I was trying to cover the black-eye from last night. I wonder if she ever had anyone put their hands on her? Not likely, she’s too “perfect” for that. She was a whore.

“Yunhyeong, make – what happened to your face?” Manager Kim came up trying to pull at my sunglasses, but I dodged his attempts taking the papers from him instead. “What’s wrong with him?”

Shrugs filled the office causing me to sigh as I went to the copier hoping that they would just leave me alone. Coping all the papers, I didn’t make packets this time as it wasn’t needed. Sitting them on Manager Kim’s desk, I remembered that I said I would try to be kinder to him, so this was my try. Walking away, I sat down grabbing the recipes that I needed to input into the computer to document our monthly spending. My fingers moved fast as I flipped through the receipts as if they were bills and typing in the numbers I held in my sighs.

“Hey?” Typing even faster, I just couldn’t understand the constant need to talk to others who clearly don’t want to be bothered. “Are you okay?”

Glancing up at Deputy Lee, I blinked slowly behind my glasses trying to figure out what he was getting at. He was usually right behind Manager Kim when it came to his distaste for me. Wow, one black-eye out of many and now everyone wants to be your friend. Bullshit. Turning away from him, I went back to what I was doing hoping to get off earlier so that I could go home and sleep before he shows up.

“I-I was just curious.” Shaking my head, my bangs fell into my eyes leaving that as my answer to his fake concern.

Putting in the last receipt, I hit enter before sending it to Director Kim as he needed to do something with it. Taking the stack of thin rectangle papers, I began to glue them onto the papers in order of their dates. Deputy Lee soon walked away upon seeing that I wasn’t going to play into whatever he was giving me – I don’t need any of their concern, worry, or other useless emotions.

The sound of expensive shoes filled the air causing everyone to stand beside me because he was disgusting, but he didn’t really care anyway. He rushed past me only to stop and backtrack as if he dropped something. An arm with an expensive watch attached to its wrist waved its fingers in my face forcing me to glance up. His hair was perfectly gelled in place like always along with the fact smile that he plastered on his face every morning. The suit was name brand and tailored to fit him like glove, and if he wasn’t garbage then I might get at him, but trash personalities weren’t my thing anymore.

“Who are you?” His smile fell before being replaced by a more genuine looking one.

“Oh, this is our temp, Song Yunhyeong.” Director Kim’s voice was dull compared to his usual cheery attitude – he must know, right?

“A temp? I never knew we had one.” And with that he continued his walk towards his office.

The door slamming was loud, forcing everyone to let go of a breath that they didn’t know that they were holding. Rolling my eyes, I got back to what I was doing already knowing that Director Kim was going to call me into his office for not greeting the CEO. Pushing up my sunglasses, I slammed the book closed as I had finished my task and needed to start on the next one. But what order should I go in? I guess, I’ll make Director Kim freak out before anything else.

Smirking, I pulled my phone out emailing myself the pictures I took this morning causing them to light my email up with a red one. Clicking on it, I forwarded them to him not caring to send them from someone else’s email as I wanted to see what he was going to do. Like Deputy Lee, I was curious. Once it said that it had sent, I exited out of my email moving away from my desk to distribute the mail for this morning. My movements were slow as I lingered in certain places for longer than needed acting like I was double checking that I had given them the right envelopes. I always did. Director Kim’s office opened, and our eyes seemed to connect immediately – it was as if I wasn’t wearing sunglasses – motioning for me to come into his office I faked an annoyed sighed. Walking into his office, he gently closed the door behind him before closing the blinds causing me to wonder if he was actual scared of what others thought. Coward.

“H-How – where did you get those pictures?” His voice was shaky, but it was expected – why wouldn’t it be?

“I took them this morning on my way to work. Now I know why the CEO always arrives after everyone else does.” I was playing with his feelings which had his hands gripping whatever they were next to.

“D-Don’t tell anyone else about t-this, please.” Gasping, I couldn’t believe that he was actually doing this. “I’ll do anything, just please.”

Scratching my hand, I licked my bottom lip running my tongue over the split on it. How much should I milk him for? Would it be enough to get that brat away from me? No, nothing would be enough to get him away from me.

“Buy me a meal and alcohol.” He looked surprised by such simple demands, but he had nothing that I really wanted. “I’ll text you a place to meet me. See you later, Director.”

Exiting his office, I was met with Manager Kim who was leaning against the wall with this weird look on his face. Deputy Lee and Yoona were right next to him acting as if they were talking to each other about something. Nosy idiots. Flopping down in my chair, I began to do the rest of my work ignoring them like I always do.

The end of work rolled around, and I was first one gone not wanting to raise suspicions by staying a little later. Sending a quick text to the one I was supposed to meet, I ran to catch the subway as I hated waiting for the next one. Stepping on the train, I leaned against the door wanting to be the first one off even though there were plenty of open seats – I just hate when others are in my personal space, so to say. The train came to the next stop and it was soon overcrowded with people who just got off of work and were ready to go home. I was squished in the space of the door and the end seat which had me feeling as if I couldn’t breathe. I tried to make myself smaller than I actually am, but it seems that others don’t know the definition of not yours.

“Yunhyeong~.” Squeezing my eyes shut tightly, I tried to find the will to breathe again as his breath in my arm made it hard to do so. “Still running, I see. Why don’t you just come on home?”

“L-Leave me alone.” His arm wrapped around my waist holding me in place while his hand groped me.

“And if I don’t want too?” The doors opened for the next stop and I ran off not caring if it was my stop or not – I just need to get away from him.

He stood in the doorway smirking, but he never got off. Our eyes were locked with one another even as the door closed and the train pulled off. Why can’t they just leave me alone? I already paid my dues; what more do they want from me?

Looking around, I let go a sigh of relief as I had indeed gotten off at my stop. Fixing my clothes, I walked up the stairs as if nothing had happened – no one needs to know the torment that I got through on a day-to-day basis. Putting in my headphones, I turned it up until it was shaking my eardrums. Arriving at the street that I told him to meet me on, I leaned against the side of a building as I would let him choose where we ate seeing as how it was his money that I was spending. Sighing, I kicked my feet across the ground scuffing up my already dirty shoes that were in dire need of a wash.

“Yunhyeong?” Glancing up, I came off the wall as Director Kim sounded and looked as if he had run a marathon to get here.

“You choose.” Walking away, he caught up with me looking at the many restaurants that lined this particular street.

“How about this one?” Nodding, I didn’t even look at it, only following him inside as he got a table near the back of the restaurant. “Order whatever you want.”

My stomach growled at the words and waving a waiter over, I ordered the first stuff that I saw along with a good amount of alcohol as I wanted to go home tipsy or drunk. I want to forget everything. Once the waiter was gone, the table had gone quiet neither one of us saying anything – his silence was more out of fear of others knowing his secret while mine was out of the boredom of waiting.

“Your face.” Sitting up straighter, I waited for his next words pertaining to my face. “What happened?”

Grabbing the sunglasses, I slowly lowered them enough for him to see the black-eye that was slightly swollen before pushing them back up as if I didn’t show him anything.

“You shouldn’t be with those that put their hands on you.” Snorting, laughter followed because what would he know. “D-Do you need help?”

“Worry about yourself, Director Kim.” The beers were sat down first causing me to give the person a thankful smile before lifting the glass to my lips.

His kindness was still creepy to me, even when I needed it most.

(~*~)

Sitting across from Yunhyeong, I felt this deep sense of pity for him although he had laughed all my words off. I know it is hard to leave those type of situations, but I wish he’d get help – as his boss that is. Picking up my glass, I took a few big gulps before sitting it back down a sigh leaving my lips at the whole situation. My spouse was cheating on me with one of the people I hate, and not to mention that they are both in my face smiling as if nothing had ever happened.

“It’s not that big of a deal.” I was confused by his words and he caught onto that confusion quickly. “Getting cheated on, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Why would you think that?” The food was sat down cutting our conversation for a split second as he picked up some fired shrimp biting into it.

“Because I’ve been in your shoes one too many times before, and if you just ignore it then it won’t be that big of a deal.” My stomach twisted up at is words, because what kind of life has he been living all this time?

“Okay, let’s say I ignore it. What happens later? What happens when I can’t ignore it anymore?” Gripping the glass, I wanted to cry but I wasn’t going to do that in front of him.

“Gather enough evidence and present it to him. Get a divorce and go about your life, it isn’t that hard to understand.” That advice will get me nowhere. “Look, all good things don’t last and those that do are fake. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life but do whatever makes you happy, okay?”

The kindness that was in his last statement had me staring at him in awe because I never knew he had it in him. He continued to eat until the plates started to pile up leaving me to watch as I had nothing else to really say. Do whatever makes me happy? Am I even happy? Have I ever been happy?

Jinhwan and I were a CC both pursuing the same goals, so it was a given that we would get married once we graduated and got jobs. The first few years were happy like every other couple, but when did it become like this? When did the late-night arguments and sleeping on the couch start? When did the cheating start? I love him – I always will – but am I in love with him?

Deeply sighing, I brought my glass to my lips emptying of whatever beer had remained before grabbing the Soju and filling my beer glass until it was a little less than halfway.

“I didn’t know you were a heavy drinker, Director Kim.” Glancing up from the inside of my glass, I looked to see that he was giving me this smile that I’ve never seen before.

“Hanbin.” The smile fell, and his eyebrow went up. “When we’re like this, call me Hanbin Hyung.”

“Hanbin Hyung?” Laughing, he nodded before through back his shot glass. “Well, Hyung, thanks for the meal.”

Clapping his hands as if it was in prayer, I couldn’t help but chuckle as he was more manageable when he was drunk. I shouldn’t say that out loud though because sober him is a totally different reaction. With him drunk like this, his almost lifeless eyes seemed to crinkle behind his thick shades that hid the beating he had taken the night prior. His lips were twitched up in a drunken smile that caused the bruise in the corner of his mouth to stretch along with the split in the middle of his lips. His body was probably littered with many other bruises that he had perfectly hidden under clothing that he would never take off. His normal complexion from three months ago was now pale, not sickly but still pale. He must be going through hell every day.

Paying for the bill, we left walking in the same direction causing me to keep my hands tucked tight in my pocket mimicking him. Even though he was drunk, he didn’t stumble or sway around which was completely different from Jinhwan who was extremely clingy when he was drunk. He needed help with every last thing he did, and, in the morning, we would wake up, limbs tangled together and naked, wondering what had happened – well that was college and I haven’t seen him drunk in a long time. Oh, how I missed when times were simpler.

The split came up but instead of heading to the right or left, he headed straight, and I followed wanting to be sure that he had gotten home safely. Why? I don’t really know, but I can chalk it up to him being my employee. I was the one who hired him on, so whatever happens to him is my responsibility. Even after work hours? Surely, not, but I’m too caring to just let him walk alone when it was dark out like this.

“Hyung, you don’t have to walk me home.” Coming out of my thoughts, I looked to see that he had stopped walking a few steps ahead of me.

“I know, but I want to be sure that you get home alright.” He sighed dropping whatever words he was going to say, and I couldn’t help but smile, catching up with him. “I didn’t know that we lived in the same neighborhood.”

“Huh?” Pointing in the direction the split that we had just passed, his eyebrows furrowed.

“I live to the left of the split and Manager Kim lives to the right of the split. I didn’t know that you lived straight passed the split.” Grunting, I noticed the look of passing fear on his face, it was weird.

“Well, this is me. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I was caught off guard by the sudden speed he acquired as he ran up a steep set of stairs and towards a small gate that was practically the size of string cheese.

Waiting until the gate closed, I shook my head before turning on my heels and heading back towards the split. Making it home, the lights weren’t on meaning that he either wasn’t there or he was in his work room going over papers. Scoffing, I couldn’t help but remember the phone conversation we had yesterday when I called to let him know that I’d be home late. Our bedroom wasn’t that far from his work room, and now that I’m thinking on it that bastard Koo left earlier than he normally did that day. They were probably in the middle of having sex and I interrupted it. Ha, I interrupted my spouse having sex with my Boss.

Pressing in the code, I opened the door slipping my shoes off before discarding my coat, bag, and suit jacket across the arm of the couch like I always did. Sighing, I went into the kitchen grabbed the bottle of Soju that was waiting to be opened and sitting it on the table I grabbed a shot glass ready to finish drowning my sorrows. Then I’ll go to bed and act like nothing had ever happened, like he said it wasn’t that big of a deal if I didn’t make it a big deal. Cracking the bottle open, I filled my glass until it spilled over and throwing it back, I wished that it burned but for some reason it didn’t.

“Hanbin? You’re drinking, again?” Filling my glass again, I ignored his chiding as I wasn’t in the mood to hear that from him – especially from him. “Didn’t you drink yesterday? And the day before that? You’re going to become an alcoholic if you keep drinking like this.”

What would he know? Why would he care? No, why should he care?

“Worry about yourself, Jinhwan.” Standing, I put the cap back on the bottle screwing it on tightly before throwing it back into the fridge.

Lightly rinsing the glass out, I flipped it upside down in the rack to dry and kicking the chair in I went into our bedroom. Stripping of the rest of my suit, I put on a pair of sweats and a plain t-shirt before heading back out into the living room and getting comfortable on the couch. It isn’t that big of a deal, but I’m not sleeping with him no matter if it is or isn’t. He might have fucked him in our home to spite me?

“Are you okay?” Giving him my back, I stuffed my face in the back of the couch. “I’m talking to you.”

“Goodnight.” The words were muffled but at the same time clearer than they ever would be.

Calm down, Hanbin, it isn’t that big of a deal. Is it a big deal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should Hanbin continue to treat it as if it's no big deal? How long do you think it'll last?


	3. Why Would You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seungyoon's voice is in italics because he isn't actually there if it makes sense. Also, next chapter is a flashback - a long one, so be prepared for that. 
> 
> Not to mention, we get to start seeing more of Junhoe and his trashiness - I'm still sorry, deep down, not a lot but a little because it's fiction.

A week had passed since our drink and meal. He seemed to take my advice of treating it as if it was nothing because nothing in particular changed about him. He still smiled and was being overly kind and creepy, but I knew better than that – I always do. I ditched my sunglasses as my black-eye had started to clear up making it seem only as if I have bad bags under my eyes.

Sighing, the work day was coming to an end and a whole new stack of papers was sat upon my desk by those who stay later than I do. The person who sat them down told me to make copies and packets as they had a meeting in a few hours. My face had turned up at that because this should have been done, but with them they don’t know anything but their own work. Filling the copier with extra paper, I began to copy them staring at the clock the whole time because I better be getting paid extra for this. It took a whole hour for me to copy everything and put it together, and when I did, I sat them in the conference room not even caring to place them out in front of the chairs.

“Yunhyeong?” I was walking towards the back door when a head had popped in from the front door. “The CEO wants to see you.”

Rolling my eyes, I nodded leaving the conference room to head in the direction of that stupid office. He’s been bugging me since he acknowledged my presence and it pisses me off – I already have enough stuff to deal with. Walking past his secretaries, I knocked on the door listening for the ‘come in’ before I entered closing the door behind me. My head was down as I shuffled towards his desk trying to figure out the right expression to give him.

“Ah, you’re that temp, right?” Nodding, I lifted my head only to take a step back as he was suddenly in front of me. “How do you like working here?”

“It’s alright, I guess.” Taking another step back he followed causing me to look around for my escape. “D-Did you need something, sir?”

“Mhm, no, yes. Why don’t you figure it out?” Laughing, nervously, my legs hit the side of one of the many chairs that littered his office forcing me to look away from him. “Does it hurt?”

His hand gripped my thigh where I hit the chair giving it a small squeeze, pulling me in closer to him. My eyes were wide with shock – how did we end up here?

“I bet without all the bruises and cuts, you’d be pretty. Like a doll, especially with your glossed over eyes and heart shaped lips.” Throwing his hand away, I rushed towards the door only to be grabbed and pulled deeper into the room. “Did I say you could leave?”

“N-No, sir. But I have some work to finish, and my shift has ended so I need to get going.” I’ve been here before with someone staring down on me with hard eyes that were clouded with anger and lust.

“Fine, go; we’ll be seeing more of each other anyway.” Not if I quit.

Running out of the room, I left the door wide open not caring to close it. Snatching my coat and bag, I ignored the words of others as I ran as if my life depended on it. Taking the stairs as the elevator was taking too long to come up, I jumped down them as the memories that I buried deep within were starting to surface again. Just leave me alone, please. My body froze when I came to the last staircase – why was he here? Those eyes that I once loved, had become eyes that I hated to see, and even though I knew he wasn’t really here it still made a shiver run down my back. He smiled at me in a way that invited me into his warmth, but I didn’t need it – I didn’t need him. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I kept close to the wall mumbling ‘okays’ to myself hoping and wishing that he wouldn’t reach out to me because that would be the moment I broke down.

“ _Whore._ ” Covering my ears, I ran out of the stairwell and into the lobby.

Moving in between people, I tried my hardest not to touch them but it was unavoidable when they had suddenly remembered something they had forgotten, turning to bump into me. Accepting their apologizes with a curt nod, I left the building, eyes frantic as I couldn’t take the subway because the other one was sure to be waiting for me. I-I need to find some place to relax and calm down. Walking in an unknown direction, I kept glancing around finally stopping when I spotted a familiar face. He looked content and it pissed me off for some reason. Why can they live normal lives but I have to be tormented by these nightmares that they allowed me to experience? WHY?!

“Yunhyeong?” Jumping, my muscles tensed up uncomfortable as I raked my brain for the name of who the voice belonged to. “Are you okay? You ran out of the office forgetting you phone?”

It was Director Kim. Blinking away the tears that had threatened to fall, I turned to greet him with my usual uninterested look. Taking my phone, I bowed in thanks and turning to leave he had grabbed my arm to stop me.

“Let me buy you something sweet.” He didn’t even give me the chance to object as he had taken my arm dragging me towards the familiar face.

Pulling up my hood as we entered, I didn’t want him to know that I was here, I’m not in the mood for awkward family reunions. Pushing me into a seat by the window, he went to the counter ordering whatever sweet things he wanted to buy me. Why something sweet? Sighing, I pulled on my hood a little more already knowing that the others liked to come around every once in a while. He liked them more than he liked me; no, he could stand them more than he could stand me.

“You’ve been looking a little under the weather and I’m just concerned that’s all.” Sitting across from me, he pushed the plate closer to me causing me to take in the extra effort he put in.

It was piece of strawberry cake with a mountain of whip cream, fresh and frozen strawberries, along with a strawberry drizzle. The sight of it made my teeth hurt, but I couldn’t be rude and not accept it. Picking up my fork, I dug in make sure to get a piece of everything before stuffing it in my mouth, faking a delightful moan.

“It’s a lot, isn’t it? Do you want something else?” Shaking my head, I held my arm out forcing him to take his seat once more because he’s been acting weird.

“Where is all this worry coming from?” Licking the whip cream off my lips, his eyes followed the action only for his head to shake a few seconds after.

“We live in the same neighborhood, and those who do tend to take care of each other. I just want to be sure that you are okay.” Letting out a small puff of air, I took another dig in my cake not knowing what to say to that.

“Yunhyeong?” Looking up at him, he was staring behind me. “Yunhyeong!”

Taking a deep breath, I turned in my chair knocking the hood off trying to get a better look at the one I only saw at night. His fashion was always better than mine, even his haircuts fit him better than they fit me, so why is he so hung up on grabbing my clothing. The grip he had on my hood caused it to dig into my throat, but I acted as if it didn’t hurt already knowing that Director Kim was confused and lost on what was going on.

“Donghyuk, what are you doing here?” My teeth were clenched tight as I tried to say his name as low as possible.

“The same could be said for you.” His eyes flicked from me to Director Kim, a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. “Who is this?”

“No one, now let me go.” I tried to shake his hand off but he only held on tighter making me choke.

“I asked who he is? Tell me or else I’ll take you home right now.” The threat was one I’ve experienced many time, it was one he does without warning.

“H-He’s my Director.” Holding where the coat dug into my neck, I was finally allowed to breath.

“Do you think it’s right for you to be going on little café dates with your Director? Especially at your Hyung’s café.” The moment he motioned Hyung, the person walked over smile falling, eyes filled with underlying anger. “He’s on a date with his Director, isn’t that cute?”

“What are you doing?” Why can’t they just leave me alone?! Stop, ganging up on me and let me live a normal life!

Ripping his hands off me, I pushed him with all the strength I had before running out into the road. I kept going hoping to get hit by a car or something. Why am I even still alive? Why was I ever born?!

My legs burned as I kept running not even thinking to stop because that only meant that they’d be able to catch up. Once they caught up it was game over, it always was. When I finally did, I was in the woods of a park and leaning against a tree, I slide down it messing up my clothes with dirt and whatever else was outside. Hiding my face in my hands, I let a few tears slip down my face in hopes that it would clear this tight felling in my chest.

“ _Why did you do that? Apologize._ ” My hands started to shake at the roughness in his voice – why is he still following me?

“Sorry.” It was low, almost un-hearable, but it passed my lips causing them to move weirdly.

“ _You know better than that. Say my name…SAY IT!_ ” Biting my bottom lip, more tears fell and my throat made it feel as if I was going to throw up.

“I’m sorry, Seungyoon. I-I’m sorry.” His laughter filled my ears, wrapped around my brain and squeezed tight enough for me to groan in pain. “Please, leave me alone.”

“ _Now why would I do that? You know we’re going to see each other in hell, anyways. My pretty baby and me in hell together like how we were always supposed to be. You’re pretty, baby._ ” No! No, I’m not.

I’m not. I’m not. I’m not. I’m not.

“ _You’re right. You are nothing special._ ” Nodding, I agreed to the words that I had heard plenty of times before.

I’m nothing special and that was the way it was always going to be.

(~*~)

Running after him, I had lost him in the confusion of a crowd. It took a few minutes, but I saw his jacket again causing me to follow him as he ran without stopping. I don’t know what is going on, but it would be nice to get an explanation. My chest and legs burned as we entered the park, and with him being the only other person running at full speed, I saw him enter the woods. The sound of leaves and twigs crunching under his feet made it easier on me to follow him and when he stopped, so did I. Leaning against a tree, I tried my hardest to catch my breath not wanting to faint or anything because I was suddenly lightheaded – I should work out more.

“Please leave me alone.” The sound of him whispering in the woods had me jumping.

Staring at where he sat with his hands over his ears, he shook his head causing me to wonder if it was going to twist right off. Catching my breath, I cleared my throat walking towards him and stopping right in front of him he clearly didn’t notice me. Tapping his shoulder, he jumped violently covering his head in the process as if I was going to hit him. Squatting down – so that we were eye-level with one another – I waited for him to get himself together but that seemed to be easier said than done.

“Yunhyeong, are you okay?” His head snapped up allowing me to see that his eyes were unfocused and hazy.

“D-Director Kim? W-What – Where -,” Stopping him, I took his arms in my hands pulling him up with me.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?” Nodding, he looked nothing like I had ever seen before, it was as if someone else had entered his body.

Jerking him a little so he was standing better, he suddenly pulled away a little, fear covering his face. Reassuring him that it was me, he seemed to calm down a little, but he was still on edge. Sighing, I looked around to see that we definitely wouldn’t be getting home until late as our train was long gone.

A motel had caught my eye and seeing as how he’s covered in dirt, leaves, and other nature related things, it made this okay. Yes, we were Boss and Employee entering a motel, but it isn’t for what you might think it is. People are sure to get the wrong idea – whatever I’ll just explain later with the truth. The truth will – oh who am I kidding? My own spouse can’t even tell me the truth, so why would anyone believe me?

Mustering up what little courage I had gotten from my internal battle, I had walked us towards said motel. Entering, I got us a room and paid using my personal card even though I was tempted to use the companies. Fucking Koo Junhoe. Heading towards our room, he kept mumbling apologies that I could barely make out. Is he okay? This feeling of pity has only grown deeper. Opening the door, I allowed him to enter before me and looking around for a few seconds I entered after him just to be sure. Taking off my coat and suit jacket, I tossed it over the edge of a chair before sitting in it watching as he just stood in the middle of the room with his arms folded in front of him. When did he become so docile?

“You can go shower and clean yourself up.” He flinched causing me to shake my head not wanting him to get the wrong idea. “N-Not like that! I’m going to run and get you something to wear while your clothes dry. Wash those as well, okay?”

Grabbing my wallet, I ran out of the room making sure that we didn’t touch one another. Am I an idiot or what? He could have gotten the wrong idea and reported me to HR. Heading back outside there was a small clothing store a few feet down, so heading towards it I couldn’t help the sighs that continuously fell from my lips. Now, I know why Jiwon says the things that he does – I take better care of him than I do everyone else, but I can’t help it. He just screams that he needs the extra love and attention. Walking into the store, I looked around just grabbing the basics as he would probably be cold in this weather. Picking up some new underwear, a long sleeve shirt, and some sweatpants, I paid for it thanking the cashier as she didn’t ask too many questions. Even though it was clear that she’s curious as to why I didn’t have a coat on – I couldn’t turn back after leaving like that.

Going back to the room, I opened the door only to hear that the shower was running, and he was inside of it mumbling to himself. I truly hope he’s okay.

“Yunhyeong, I’m leaving the bag on the door, okay?” He let out this squeak, but I ignored it going back to my seat by the window.

Staring out of it, I sighed again as the streets were busy with people getting off of work later than normal. Pulling out my phone, I saw he many messages from Jiwon asking me where I had gone as the meeting had started without me. Calling him, even though he was in the meeting, he answered quickly causing me to notice how quiet the room was.

“Where are you, sir?” He was holding himself back as my position was higher than his and he was probably around people in the same position.

“I won’t be back for the meeting. I’ll just do it over the phone, so put me on speaker.” Sighing, I knew he wanted to argue but he did as he was told. “Now, where are we?”

The meeting resumed with whoever was presenting as they ran through the PowerPoint, I’d end up seeing tomorrow. Listening, I put my input in here and there like I always do because my teams did the bulk of the work anyway. As long as they knew what they are doing I don’t care about anything else. The bathroom door opening had me glancing away from the window to see that he was fully dressed and being shy. Motioning for him to sit on the bed, he jumped at it causing me to laugh because the action was cute even though he was clearly terrified.

“Is something funny, Director Kim?” Koo’s voice filled my ears forcing me to swallow my distaste.

“No, sir. I had a tickle in my throat.” And like that the meeting resumed like normal.

When it had finally ended, I was taken off of speaker as the sound of Jiwon rushing somewhere was very apparent. A door opened before closing quietly followed by the sound of a chair rattling as he jumped in it. He was in my office.

“So, where the hell are you?” All the formalities had dropped, and we were now out of working hours.

“Something came up, sorry. Can you take my bag home with you? I left it along with all my papers.” It was silent for a minute causing me to turn the chair fully around to look at Yunhyeong.

“Sure, but did you see the temp haul ass out of here? I wonder what that bastard Koo did to him. It was the most frantic I have ever seen him.” Rolling my eyes, I shook my head because it only further proved our point.

Koo Junhoe is trash.

“I’ll talk to you later, I’m busy.” Hanging up, I didn’t give him a chance to say anything else. “Are you okay, now?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I took in the body language that was betraying his words. “Since I’m not telling anyone about your husband and Mr. Koo, can you keep this a secret as well?”

“Of course, isn’t that what neighborhood friends are for?” I was only trying to lighten the mood but it seems to have done the exact opposite.

“Friends? You wouldn’t want to be my friend.” He played with his toes, picking at them intensely to the point that they were sure to bleed.

“Why wouldn’t I?” All movement stopped and the air chilled drastically, my skin was crawling.

His head turned, eyes holding not a single ounce of life, and his mouth was turned down mimicking a frown. It wasn’t a frown, but it looked like one. He stared at me with the same amount of intensity that he he picked at his toes with. Licking my lips, my mouth had suddenly become dry at the fact that he wasn’t saying anything. Why wasn’t he saying anything?

“Who would want to be friends with a murderer?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I add the mental health tag? Or the PTSD tag?


	4. No Tears To Cry...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback of the day Yunhyeong decided he needed to go; also, a little insight to the end of their relationship.

It was warm outside but why did everything feel cold? Maybe it was the fact that I’ve been waiting outside for almost two hours when he said that he was on his way two hours ago.

Sighing, I pulled on my sleeves trying to cover the exposed skin of my hands as they showed what had happened a few days ago. He had gotten angry, again, and in front of Donghyuk he smashed a heavy glass bottle onto my hand causing my pinky to break – well the doctor said it was a fracture but either way I was out of my left hand. I didn’t cry though because he hates it when I cry – the beatings are worse when I cry.

I went to the hospital giving them the excuse of a bottle falling down onto my hand, and whether they believed me or not, they put a splint on my pinky wrapping it with my ring finger before wrapping the rest of the bandage down my hand. I was prescribed painkillers and to put ice on it so that the swelling went down, along with not being able to do anything with my left hand. To be honest, I don’t even remember what he had gotten angry over. It was probably his own ego.

Snorting at my little joke, I noticed his car so running towards it I got putting on my seatbelt. He was a reckless driver.

“Hey, Yoon.” Smiling at him, he rolled his eyes before pulling off completely ignoring my greeting.

But he gets mad if I don’t greet him, even though he stopped responding back a long time ago.

His eyes were doing double time as they were on the road while also in his phone and on me. My eyes were only focused on the road in front of us as I gripped the seatbelt tightly wishing that this wouldn’t be my last day on earth.

“Do you know him?” Holding his phone out, I took a break from the road to see a picture of my co-worker.

“Y-Yeah, we work together.” My heart started beating hard in my chest as he harshly tossed his phone in his lap.

“Quit.” This’ll be the third job this month; I can’t keep quitting like this.

“B-But …” Shutting up, I nodded not wanting to make him mad, he probably has the wrong idea anyway.

“But, What? You think I don’t see the way how he looks at you? He looks ready to devour you. Do you like the attention that much?” Shaking my head, I looked away trying to think. “I’m talking to you, Whore. Answer me!”

The car jerked to a halt causing me to see that we were in front of Mino’s restaurant. My job that I’ll be quitting, now.

“N-No, I don’t like the attention.” I need to choose my words wisely or else I’ll be leaving with more than no job. “I only want your attention.”

“That’s what they all say.” Reaching over me, I flinched scared of what he was going to do. “Get the hell out.”

The door flung open and I was pushed out not even noticing that he had un-clicked my seatbelt. Hitting the ground, I groaned having landed on my arm in an uncomfortable way.

“Meet you at my place, slut.” Slamming the door closed, he pulled off causing the tires to burn after him.

“Asshole.” Mumbling it to myself, I didn’t dare say it loud enough in fear that someone will tell him that I talked bad about him.

Pushing myself to stand, I dusted off my clothing, fixing them to look more presentable, before pushing open the door. The bell above the door dinged causing the owner to peek his head out of the kitchen with a smile. Giving a shy one back, he moved quickly to come and greet me, but I only stepped back from his embrace not wanting him to know about my finger. He always worried about me which was nice but not when I realized that he was doing nothing to stop his friend.

“Why are you here? You don’t work today.” Slinging his arm over my shoulder, I tensed up looking around just to be sure that he hadn’t come back to watch me quit. “Why so tense? Relax.”

“Uh, Hyung, I came to quit.” He stopped walking me towards the back, the smile on his face falling.

“Quit, why? It’s only been a few weeks.” Shit, I forgot to come up with an excuse. “Is it Seungyoon?”

I did nothing to acknowledge if that was true or not, but he had gotten the hint that it was. Pushing me to sit down, he asked the co-worker, that he was misunderstanding, to bring me some dessert. Ah, sweets, the only real pleasure I have in life.

“Jinwoo had stopped by yesterday, he was looking for you. Wondered why you weren’t coming home?” Scratching my head, I shrugged a little bit not knowing how to explain that Seungyoon kept me locked in his home. “I told him that you had gotten another job, but you can’t hide it from him forever. He notices the bruises and new broken bones.”

“I know, but I can’t break Hyung’s heart like that. He already does so much for me; I can handle this on my own.” He nodded before taking the container of carry-out dessert and putting it in a bag. “I guess; I’ll see you this weekend.”

“I’ll hand you your paycheck then, okay?” Nodding, I took the bag bowing in thanks not really wanting to leave.

The walk to his place was tiring as my side started to hurt from being pushed out of the car so hard. What am I? His personal punching bags? Yeah, idiot, I am. We’ve been together for three years now and after the first year everything has gone downhill. I don’t even love him anymore – I’m only with him out of fear of what he would do if I tried to break up with him. Sighing, I entered the code to the apartment building, walking past the guards that do nothing to help me either, and straight towards the elevator. It came fast noticing my hurry and stepping on, I pressed his floor more than once. I don’t know why but it just became a habit for me to do so, because I felt that if I didn’t his anger would be worse. 

The elevator doors opened, so stepped off I clutched the bag tightly in my right hand before using the three fingers on my left to knock. I knew the code but whenever he was home, he forced me to knock. A different face had opened the door causing me to step back worried that I had gotten off on the wrong floor.

“You must be Yunhyeong Hyung? Donghyuk has told me so much about you.” Blinking, I was a little stuck because who is he? “Oh, sorry, I’m Chanwoo. Donghyuk’s -,”

He was interrupted by the door fully swinging open showing Donghyuk and his child-like smile. Grabbing my arm, he pulled me deeper into the apartment causing Chanwoo to follow right behind us. Seungyoon was seated on the couch, feet propped up on the table as he watched tv, mouth moving lazily while chewing on licorice.

“Hyung is here!” Donghyuk announces my arrival causing me to wonder if I was suddenly a prince. “What’s in the bag? Is it food?”

“U-Uh, no, it’s dessert. M-Mino gave it to me.” At the mention of his friend’s name, he stood snatching the bag out of my hand.

“Are you sure it wasn’t your co-worker?” Nodding, Donghyuk had finally let go of my arm. “Oops, Ex co-worker.”

“M-Mino gave it to me. You can ask him yourself.” He shrugged walking away taking my dessert with him.

“Oh, Hyung, I forgot. This is Chanwoo, my boyfriend.” Gulping, I held my hand out for him to shake not taking notice of the eyes that watched our whole interaction.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Taking my hand, his grip was lax, and his eyes held wonder, but I only pushed it away. “Yoon, I’ll clean the kitchen.”

He grunted which meant that he didn’t care. Obviously, he did because he got prissy when I didn’t clean it.

The glove didn’t fit on my left hand leaving me to struggle as I worked two times hard with my right – I can’t get my bandage wet. Scrubbing at the counter, I tried to get this random stain off, but it didn’t seem to budge. Sighing, I scrubbed harder causing the counter to shake a little with the amount of force I was using.

“Shut the hell up!” The whole apartment stilled, even Donghyuk and Chanwoo who were in his room studying.

Leaving the stain alone, for now, I rinsed off the dishes that I had washed earlier and gently placing them in the drying rack I tried not to make any noise. Finishing the dishes, I wiped off the counters not caring about the stain anymore as I had to sweep and mop the floor. Grabbing the broom, I lightly swept getting what I could as he seemed to be getting more and more agitated with the noise level that was slowly rising. The Tv and his smacking were the loudest things in here right now. Donghyuk’s bedroom door opened and out stepped the two quietly sneaking into the kitchen. I didn’t even get to ask what they wanted as their stomachs started to growl loudly in the quiet space.

“Hyung, can you cook for us?” Opening the fridge, there was nothing in there but water and beer – I’ll have to go shopping. “There’s nothing in there? You think, Hyung will get us food?”

Shrugging, he ran out of the kitchen and into the living room to bother his lovely older brother. I still can’t believe they are related. I wasn’t paying attention to the conversation but as the other stomped into the kitchen grabbing my arm, I knew he didn’t want to buy food. It’s not my fault he doesn’t like to go grocery shopping.

“You can’t cook for them?” Dropping the broom, his grip was tight, and I just knew it was going to bruise.

“T-There’s nothing in the fridge to cook with.” Yanking me towards the cabinets, he started throwing them open as if that would make food appear.

“Fuck! Now I have to spend money I don’t want to, this is all your fault.” Pushing me against the counter I was so vigorously scrubbing earlier, he let my arm go instead trapping me in between. “If you’d do what needs to be done none of this would be happening.”

Donghyuk and Chanwoo both stood wide eyed in the threshold of the kitchen. Giving small hand movements for them to leave, Donghyuk got the message dragging the other back into his room.

“Y-You never told me to go grocery shopping, so I thought you didn’t need it.” I didn’t look him in the eye instead choosing to stare at his t-shirt. “I’m sorry.”

Nodding, he backed away only for his hand to come slapping me. My head hit the side of the fridge causing me to fall to the ground holding my head in pain. Tears came to my eyes but never fell as I didn’t want him doing worse with his brother in such close distance. Squatting down, his hand gripped tightly under my chin forcing me to look at him. A dangerous smirk playing on his face.

“Do I have to tell you everything? Huh? Are you that fucking stupid?! Can you not think for yourself?” I didn’t speak allowing him to get this off his chest, whatever this is. “You know; you’re really testing my patience. I let you off a few days ago with only fucking up your pinky, but your arm is starting to look like a better option.”

“I-I’m sorry.” His grip was tight that it was hard for me to speak as he was forcing my jaw shut.

“Ugh, is this spit?” I couldn’t stop myself, but it wasn’t like he didn’t deserve it.

He punched me hard, grip still tight under my chin, so I couldn’t dodge it even if I tried. His hand raised for another hit, but he lowered it, a smile covering his face.

“Now, why would you do that?” Closing my eyes, it was becoming harder to breathe as he wasn’t letting up. “Apologize.”

“I-I’m…Sorry.” His breathe ghosted over my face before reaching my ear causing my legs to wiggle a little at the feeling.

“You know better than that, baby.” Cracking my eyes opened, I tried to suck in a breath causing it sound like a sob. “Say my name.”

Shaking my head as best as I could, I hated when he did that it made me feel dirty and the thing was it was only his name. The name that I called out a handful of times a day. But for some reason, I hated having to say it when apologizing because he could just accept it without his name. Why did he want me to say his name so bad?

“SAY IT!” His grip got even tighter causing me to gasp as I finally let go of my head to grab his wrist.

“I-I’m sorry, Seungyoon. I-I d-didn’t mean to d-do it.” He finally let up allowing me to suck in a deep breath of air as my vision was starting to spot.

“I’ll buy you three food, but you know what I want later right?” Nodding, he stood leaving me to sit on the floor to get my thoughts together.

I didn’t cry – I couldn’t cry. I’ll save those tears for later and play them off as ones of pleasure. Taking a few more deep breathes, I grabbed on to the counter forcing myself to stand as I needed ice or else it was going to swell. I also needed ice for my finger, which I was going say it was for, but it will mainly be on my face. Filling a small bag with the forgotten ice cubes in his freezer, I tied it tightly sitting it inside as I needed to finish cleaning the kitchen before, he got mad about that as well. I wonder how Donghyuk escaped his wrath for all these years?

Sweeping, I quickly mopped before grabbing the ice and heading towards the younger’s bedroom. Lightly knocking, I pushed the door opened with my usual smile leaving the door wide open as he didn’t like me alone with other men with the door closed. Placing the ice to my face, his brows furrowed but I ignored it already knowing that he wouldn’t say anything – he never did.

“Yoon said that he would get us food.” They both nodded before quickly going back to their work. “Any suggestions?”

“We’ll have whatever Hyung is having.” A single laugh left my mouth, quietly, as he didn’t need to know that I was having “fun”.

“Okay, well I’ll call you when the food arrives.” Leaving, I closed the door so that they could have privacy, it wasn’t a lot, but it was something.

Taking the bag from my cheek, I placed it in my left-hand walking into the living room to sit on the couch next to the one he was occupying. I didn’t say anything, and he didn’t ask already knowing that he was going to order whatever he wanted to eat, whether we liked it or not.

“Seunghoon is bringing the food. I just have to pay him back.” Humming in acknowledgment, I stared at the Tv, hands shaking a little. “He said that he likes you a lot more than my other exes.”

Yeah, that’s because you didn’t force them to sleep with him. Or maybe he did?

“That’s nice.” The words sounded uninteresting as they left my mouth and that was because I meat it that way.

“Loosen up a little, baby. He’s only dropping off the food.” Nodding, I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat, the conversation was already dropped in my mind. “Don’t tell me you like him?”

“No, I only like you.” The reply was automatic an it always will be.

“That’s what they all say before they run off with someone else.” I wish I could run off with someone else, but I don’t have any other friends besides Mino, and he’s your friend.

Even my Hyung is your friend. I really have no way out.

“I would never.” Turning towards him, I tried to smile but the apple of my right cheek hurt too much causing my smile to twitch.

“Whatever, whore.” Taking the insult as if it was nothing more than a grain of salt, I went back to watching whatever he was watching.

Holding in my sigh, I sat in silence waiting for the food as I was hungry as well, but I would never tell him that. He was already pissed about having to buy food, that was enough for today. The knock on the door had me turning towards him but his eyes were already on me. Standing, he slipped the money in my back pocket, slapping my ass afterwards for added affect. My hand shook as I reached for the doorknob and pulling it open, I was met with the creep’s smiling face. Handing him the money, I took the bag wanting to leave but he always had other plans. His arm came around my waist pulling me into him as he ground into me a little.

“Yunhyeong~,” The way he said my name was sickly sweet causing me to gag a little. “You smell good, like strawberries. Can I have a bite?”

“L-Let me go!” Pushing at him, I didn’t want to alert the others as he was sure to throw another fit.

“Aw, you’re no fun, but I’ll see you later.” Kissing my forehead, he finally let me go, backing up a little. “I’m gone, Yoon!”

“Thanks for the food, asshole!” He smirked causing me to slam the door in his face – I don’t need the added nightmare. “Took him long enough.”

Sitting it down on the coffee table, I called for the other two who quickly ran out of the room sliding into their spots. The three of them ripped into their food while I watched already knowing that Yoon liked to give me his leftovers – no, sorry, we shared food. It was the only semi-kind act that he showed me on a daily basis and I took it without hesitation. I need something I can hold onto so that I don’t feel sick to my stomach too often. Holding out a piece of food, I took it chewing slowly as to not choke. My eyes were on the two high schoolers who were acting as if they haven’t eaten in months – do they not eat at school?

“How was school?” It was a question that I always asked Donghyuk to give him a sense of domestication.

“It was alright. I didn’t do too well on my calligraphy test, but it wasn’t like she gave us enough time to take it anyway. I hate her.” Staring at him, he apologized knowing that he shouldn’t go around saying that. “I dislike her teaching style, but I bet outside of school she’s a great person.”

“How about you, Chanwoo?” He flinched a little probably not expecting me to ask him.

“My day went well, thank you for asking.” I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it much – it had to do with the sudden change in the home.

“Here, finish this. I’m stepping out for a second, don’t fuck up.” We (the three of us) all nodded as if we knew what not to fuck up.

Stabbing the food with the chopsticks, I used my messed-up hand to hold the bowl so that it didn’t move. I could eat normally but this was a faster way; plus, he wasn’t around to tell me otherwise. The sound of the door closing had immediately lifted the tension in the room causing those two to start poking fun at each other. I continued to eat in silence. Once the food was gone, Chanwoo offered to clean up but I shook my head already knowing that he would freak if he heard that I wasn’t cleaning up. Supposedly that was my job around here. ‘To clean up and be fucked’ is what he said.

Picking up the empty dishes, I rinsed them out in the sink before putting them in the bin for the plastics to take out tomorrow. Donghyuk would more than likely be told to do it, but I could at least make it easier on him. After a few seconds of silence, those two entered the kitchen again, this time Chanwoo had his stuff with him. He bid me a goodnight causing me to smile and do the same. I’m glad Donghyuk found someone nice and not like his Hyung at all, or else I would lose all hope in humanity. With Chanwoo gone, it was only the two of us in the home and he was all over me acting cute trying to cheer me up.

“So, what do you think? He’s cute, isn’t he?” Nodding, I knew not to comment on another man’s appearance with my own words. “He reminds me so much of you, Hyung. I think that’s why Hyung and I have such similar taste – we know how to pick out the good ones.”

Laughing, I continued to nod because he was delusional to think that Yoon picked me out because I was good. He picked me out because I was an easy target. After asking me a series of questions pertaining to my thoughts on his boyfriend, he stalked off saying that he was going to take a shower then go to bed. Wishing him goodnight, I finished the last dish placing it in the bin and turning off the water I wiped down the sink. Now, what do I do? I guess, I’ll get ready for bed as well, not like I’ll be going to sleep any time soon. Going into his room, I kept on my long sleeve shirt only taking off my pants and laying down I pulled the cover up far enough that it rested under my nose. I was ready, but I wasn’t ready.

I dozed off not being able to wait any longer, so wrapping myself up in the cover I sighed in content as I would finally be able to sleep in peace, sadly I was a little too quick to think that. The front door opened slamming hard causing the hinges to rattle loudly. The sound woke Donghyuk from his sleep as he hit his head on the wall, but other than that he didn’t make any other movement to say he was awake otherwise. I had flinched at the slam causing me to hold my breath as I feigned sleep already hearing the bedroom door open. His feet shuffled against the floor stopping next to the bed as he stood over me, face hidden in the darkness of the room.

“Who said that could sleep?” The cover was ripped off of me, I shivered a little at the sudden loss of warmth, but it didn’t last that long. “Do you think you deserve to sleep?!”

Crawling onto me, he pressed me flat on my back straddling my waist, hands twitching in anticipation for what he was going to do. The first slap had my eyes opening, the second had busted my lip, and the third had finally open the flood of tears I was holding back. My face was already a mess and he was only making it worse.

“Why are you crying? Why?!” Shaking my head, I brought my hands up covering my face waiting for the next hit. “You’re so fucking useless! Why can’t you do anything right?!”

Grabbing my pointer finger, he bent it back trying to force my hands away from my face, but when I took the pain he moved onto my fractured pinky. Jumping, I snatched my hand back hiding it under my other arm. Leaning down, his teeth nipped at my cheeks, licking at the tears that ran down them, before moving down to my neck kissing it as if it would change anything. The gentleness was soon to go away and well just be fucking – we don’t make love, we fuck, and it’s been like that for as long as I could remember.

Ripping off my underwear, I relaxed my whole body knowing that it is better to just let him get it over with. Leaving my neck alone for a minute, he rid himself of his pants and without much warning he pushed right on in. Gasping, I reached out slapping my hand against his chest hoping that he wouldn’t move just yet as I wasn’t mentally ready for the intrusion. Pushing my hand away, he pulled all the way out before slamming back in all in one go. Biting into my arm to cover my scream, he didn’t really seem to mind as he kept going at such a brutal pace. My breathing was coming in short at the pain I was in because there definitely wasn’t any pleasure in this. He seemed to realize that I wasn’t moaning or anything, so grabbing my leg he pushed it until it was touching my chest and changing his angel, he hit my spot dead-on over and over again.

“You’re so pretty. My pretty little baby.” Kissing my calf and thigh, he started to suck hickeys into the skin biting ever so often- it always looked as if I was attacked by bugs.

Biting my lip, he leaned over me thrusting even deeper and as our eyes made contact, he held it. A smile that didn’t match his actions covered his face causing me to open my mouth to say something. I don’t know what I was going to say, but whatever it was had passed as his lips connected with my own. I had no reason to fight for dominance, so I let him do what he wanted. The tip of his tongue grazed the roof of my mouth causing me to squirm at the weird tingle that had ran through my body.

“You’re so pretty, you know, that right?” Speaking into my mouth, I broke our eye-contact instead kissing him back not wanting to hear this conversation again. “Of course, you do, that’s why you like to play so hard to get? That’s why you slut your way around town with other men calling them your co-workers. How many of them have you fucked, huh? How many?”

“None!” He stopped moving causing me to whine a little. “I promise, I never slept with anyone else.”

His hand that was by my head moved over to caress my face - a look of disbelief covered his own. Why wouldn’t he believe me? I’m always in his line of sight unless I’m with Hyung and even then, he forces the older to give him updates about my every single last move. He had so many bathroom pictures of me that it isn’t even funny. Nodding, he continued to move again, this time less enthusiastic as the first time – he was such a child that it pissed me off and I can’t even let it be known.

Before he came, he bites into my throat, harshly, causing me to let out a gurgled scream as he didn’t want to let go. He held on all throughout his orgasm only to kiss it when he was done, blood covering his lips and the pillow beneath me. Forcing me into my release with a tight grip on my shaft, he pulled out practically ripping himself away, ignoring my groans of pain.

“Actually, I shouldn’t big up your ego by telling you lies like that. You’re nothing special, Yun. I see people better looking than you every day, but I just had to choose you – ugh, I’m disgusted now. Clean this mess up.” Taking off his shirt, he threw it in my face walking into the bathroom grunting about how his hips hurt.

What about my hips and back? What about this open wound that I now have on the side of my neck? He could have killed me if he was close to an artery. I-I can’t take this any longer – I have to leave.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you haven't pieced it together, Donghyuk is the one who drops by to beat up Yunhyeong, so he's repeating a lot of what Seungyoon, his Hyung, has said to the other. That's really all. I hope you enjoyed the flashback.


	5. Why Him? Why Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the present ;(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the time of writing this 375,000 USD was equal to 41,637,500 KRW - just in case anyone is confused.

Director Kim seemed shocked by my sudden revelation, and after only tell him half of the story, he didn’t push the matter any further. Once my clothing had somewhat dried, we caught the last subway train and like the last time we were together he walked me home. Donghyuk was nowhere to be seen, neither was Hyung, which meant that I was good for the time being.

Two days had passed since then and it seems as though the office knows something that I don’t. The stares and pointed whispered had gotten worse – I didn’t give a damn about those – but the number of male employees hanging around me had increased tenfold. The CEO also winked at me whenever he passed my desk which made the whispering worse. Sighing, I continued looking over the document that had been given to me for me to proof read which was weird because that wasn’t a part of the job description.

“I don’t think it’s fair, really. That must be the only reason he’s still working here.” My ears perked up at the sudden volume change that Yoona had enacted. “I thought this company had high standards.”

Picking up the highlighter, I highlighted the mistake before writing how to fix it, and even though I looked as if I wasn’t paying attention to her words, I was invested in what bullshit she had to say. Finishing the last page, I closed it and standing I went towards Manager Kim slapping it on his desk. He glared up at me, but I ignored it going towards the printer as I needed to copy the papers that I had printed only a few minutes earlier. Yoona picked that time to follow me, bullshit still flowing out of her mouth. When is she going to take the hint that I don’t care?

“So, how did you trick Director Kim? A married man, might I add.” Picking up the papers, I moved around her going towards the copier that I spent majority of my time at. “Are you ignoring me?”

“Do you think you the right to talk to me? Especially since the whole office is aware of your affair with Deputy Lee, and you’re both married, might I add.” Sucking in her overly painted lips, I rolled my eyes turning my back on her pressing the button for the copies to start flowing out. “Also, I didn’t trick Director Kim into anything. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Someone saw you and Director Kim heading into a motel together, two days ago.” Shrugging, we didn’t do anything, so what’s the big deal? If they had stayed and waited, they would have saw us leaving together, too. “Is it true?”

Snatching the papers out of the copier, I walked away from her as she was obviously only being nosy for the sake of starting drama. Passing out the papers, I completely ignored the looks and small insults of others in return for my piece of mind. They knew nothing and thought that knew everything. Sitting back down at my desk, I quickly checked my email to see that I had gotten one from the CEO asking me to stay after. Closing my eyes, I rubbed them violently because he just didn’t know when to give up. If I ran away the first time, then that clearly means that I don’t want you! Replying back to it, I came up with some excuse of me being busy, but he quickly shot back that if I left then I wouldn’t get paid for these past two weeks. Why is nothing ever working out in my favor?

When my shift ended, I stayed seated acting as if I was working when in fact, I was just typing random things into a blank document. Two hours had passed and finally everyone was going home, eyes trained on me as they piled out wondering why I hadn’t left yet. Manager Kim stopped by my desk wanting to say something but swallowed it, walking towards the others inviting them out to be treated as it was the “weekend”. Sunday was the only day we truly get off, not really, but I don’t have to show up, so it was a day off. Sighing, I turned off my computer playing with my pens and pencils twirling them around in between my fingers waiting for him to call me.

“Yunhyeong? Why are you still here?” Following him as he headed towards the door, he back tracked leaning over my desk a little.

“The CEO told me to stay after.” His face twisted up like it always does at the mention of the man – I’m suddenly curious about the backstory.

“Be careful, okay? Call me if you need anything.” Scoffing at his words, I’ve already experienced hell, so whatever he wanted to do was going to be nothing compared to that. “Bye.”

“Goodnight, Director Kim.” Keeping the formalities as we were at work, he disappeared around the corner a worried look on his face.

I wonder how him, and his spouse is doing? It’s clear that the CEO and him still have an affair going on, so it’s safe to say that he is holding it all in. What is his husband like? I mean to marry someone as kind as Director Kim, he has to be equally as kind or a little less. Well, he can’t be that kind if he’s openly cheating on his spouse with someone he hates. His secretaries left soon after in their own little bubbles giggling about something non-work related. It was now on the two of us on this floor and I really didn’t feel like moving.

“You can come in now.” His voice ran out through the office causing me to stand and walk towards one of the last places that I wanted to be. “You seem to be doing better these days.”

Nodding, I walked passed him taking notice of how he had the two few buttons of his shirt undone along with the way how he quickly closed the door. Just what does he think I am? A prostitute? He probably heard about the rumor and thought that this would be his second and best chance. Rolling my eyes, I sat down in one of his many chairs and crossing my legs I put my elbow on the arm leaning my head against my palm.

“Is there something you need, CEO Koo?” I spit the words at him not understanding his sudden interest in me and what I was doing.

“Hey, can’t I just check on my employees?” Rolling my eyes, he finally took the hint that I wasn’t buying his bullshit. “Since I care so much about my employees, I did a little digging -”

“You did what?! That’s invasion of privacy.” Sitting up straighter, I couldn’t believe that he would do something like this, now I can kind of understand Director Kim’s distaste towards him.

“The moment you signed on to work as a temp at this company, your business became my business, so it isn’t invasion of anything if it’s my business.” Taking a deep breath, I smiled at him knowing that there’s no real reason for me to get worked up – I’ve been through this plenty of times before.

“Go on.” He seemed taken aback by the sudden reserve that I had sunken myself into. “What did you find?”

“Oh, maybe the fact that you went to jail for two-years on a murder charge.” It was self-defense, but I wouldn’t interrupt him. “Also, that your parents -.”

Jumping at him, I covered his mouth because I didn’t think that he dug that deep. I thought he only scratched the surface like everyone else. Licking my hand, I pulled it away quickly, wiping it on the chair that he sat in, before taking a few steps back. Pushing himself up, we now stood in front of one another staring at the other in wait for what they were going to do or say. To be honest, I already had some sort of idea on what he wanted from me – almost everyone else wanted the same things.

“Why did you turn into a little bunny?” Stepping closer to me, he snaked his arm around my waist causing me to look away from him. “Look at me.”

I wanted to push him away; I wanted to scream at him calling him every name that I could think of; I wanted him to leave me alone. But I didn’t do any of that as my mind had suddenly jumped back into the part of my past that I wanted to forget. All the meaningless beatings over me not maintaining eye-contact with him whenever he talked to me, or if I didn’t look others in the eye when they asked me questions, even if it was only for a few seconds. Glancing up at him, he leaned down tilting his head a little so that our faces were closer now.

“Why me? Isn’t Director Kim’s spouse enough?” His laughter shook the both of us and it took everything in me not to knee him – he knew too much.

“Jinnie is nice and all, but I like to hold other things as well. Not to mention that he’s been getting on my nerves these last few days.” He was worse than what I had originally imagined. “How did you know that I was fucking Jinnie? Have you been stalking me?”

“Like I’d ever waste my time stalking someone like you.” The grip he had on my waist loosened and he backed away from me, a blank expression on his face.

“Let’s go.” Raising my eyebrow, he just walked away putting on his stuff leaving me to just stand there and watch. “To my place that is. We don’t want any more motel rumors, or do we?”

Snatching my arm in this hawk like grip, he dragged me out of his office and towards my desk grabbing my things for me. This was sure to bruise, and I’ll be stuck taking care of it, like everything else. He let me go in the elevator tossing me my things telling me to put on my coat as it was cold outside, among other things that I didn’t feel like processing. Instead of the lobby, we ended up in the car park and with his hand on my shoulder he showed me towards the only luxury car in the whole park – it was also the only car besides securities in here.

“It’s a Lexus LFA costs me ₩ 41,637,500.” Stopping in front of the white car that he spent way too much money on, I coughed a little clearing my throat.

“Why should I care about the price?” Walking around me, he opened the passenger door waiting for me to walk over.

“Just wanted to let you know so that you’ll think things over later.” I was confused as he pushed me into the seat slamming the door closed before jogging around and getting in on the driver’s side.

“Think about what?” Ignoring my question, he peeled out of the parking lot trying to draw attention to the fact that I was in the car with him – not like I really wanted to be.

The whole ride there was quiet except for the radio that was so low it sounded like the singers and radio hosts were mumbling. Sighing, I crossed my arms over my chest holding my bag tightly against my chest. I just want to hurry up and get this over with. Pulling up to a gate, he beeped his card against the sensor causing the gate to open and him to drive through. It was white house after white house, not to forget that they were all huge multi-story homes. Pressing a button on his dashboard, a garage opened, and he pulled in causing the car to tip down as it was on a slope before he curved into the home parking right in front of the door. Just like I thought – a show-off.

“Get out.” Hesitating, I turned back but the garage was already closed, and I didn’t even see the button that he had pushed. “Hurry the hell up.”

Getting out, I kept my bag to my chest walking behind him as he threw open the door that lead us to pair of stairs. Taking them up, we were met with another door and I just knew that it would be a workout to escape from here. That door opened to the foyer causing him to toe off his shoes and I did the same. Walking deeper into the home we came to the living room – that was on the actual ground – windows covered every single inch leaving nothing to the imagination if you just so happened to walk past.

“Put your stuff in that chair.” Taking off my jacket, I draped it over one of the chairs at the island and putting my bag in it I had to remember to breathe. “Hand me the silver remote.”

Handing it to him, he pressed another button causing the windows in the living room to fog up cutting off the scenery from outside. Tossing the remote onto the couch, he ripped off his tie throwing it where the remote went before plucking at the rest of his buttons on his shirt.

“You know, you never let me finish telling you what I had found out.” Sucking on my teeth, we were already here so there was no reason to continue talking about that. “What was his name again? Kang Seungyoon, right? The person you killed.”

My legs shook a little, but I hid it by backing away from him. It’s best to keep moving when you know that you might have no way out. He waited for me to agree and when I didn’t, he took that as his answer.

“I heard that you took some pretty bad beatings over the three years that you two were together.” His advancing had me checking behind me to make sure that I didn’t run into anything. “It must not have been that bad for you to stay for three years, right?”

“Why do you care?” I accidentally ran right into the thermostat but luckily the temperature didn’t change.

“What did he used to call you? Oh, right. His _pretty baby_ , and _whore_ , those seemed to be his favorites.” I stopped breathing because he truly knew way too much. “Why are you running? Am I saying anything wrong?”

Sliding across the wall, I hit the stairs, so running up them I listened to his heavy footsteps that followed behind me. I wasn’t fast enough because as soon as I made it to the top step, he was behind me with his fingers in my hair. His grip was tight making my eyes water, and he didn’t even care – he continued to talk about my past. Dragging me into the middle of the room, I noticed his bed was on one side and a TV was on the other leaving all this open space in between the only two noticeable things in the room. Throwing me onto the carpet, I groaned a little kicking as he rolled me onto my back because this wasn’t what I expected.

“You don’t have time to stalk me, but you have time to run behind Director Kim?” His hit was harder than I expected and by the feeling of something wet running down my face I knew he had broken the skin.

“I don’t!” Kicking him in his stomach, he kneeled laughing as if my kick was nothing, it was infuriating. “Do you like Director Kim or something? Is that why your so hell bent on sleeping with anyone who he shows some concern for?!”

Gripping my knees, he forced them open sliding in between the space, hands not knowing if they want to ball into a fist or slap me. He did both, slapping me first before punching me a few times, repeatedly in the same spot. Bringing up my forearms, I tried to shield the blows but no matter what I did they just kept coming until I had given up on trying to protect myself. My neck cracked as my head was hit to the side and there he was again, this time laughing at my pain.

He dressed like when we had first met one another – his hair was blonde, and he wore a red turtleneck with dark blue almost black slacks that slightly dragged against the floor. Hyung had introduced him with so much enthusiasm that I couldn’t believe that the two had been friends for the amount of time that they had. It was also weird because I had never seen him before in all that time. Closing my eyes, I opened them to see that he was gone, only that taunting smile remained. My arms were grabbed, and I was pulled up being tossed onto the fluffy white sheets of his bed that was now stained with my tears, blood, and other fluids.

Why can’t they just leave me alone?

(~*~)

I didn’t want to leave Yunhyeong with that bastard, but he seemed fine, so I did. I should have gone back and came up with some excuse for him to leave with me. Whatever, it’s too late now and I’m almost home. It felt weird not walking him home. My legs kept going straight only for me to stop realizing that I had passed the split and was now heading in the wrong direction. Turning around, I went the correct way this time and making it home, I was welcomed by the smell of fresh cooking. I wonder what the occasion is?

Taking off my stuff like I always do, I rolled up my sleeves taking my seat at the table watching as he moved around the kitchen. Sighing, I pulled out my phone checking my calendar, but today’s date was empty meaning that he was cooking just to cook. No, it meant that he had done something that he was sorry for – does he know that I know? Probably not because he would have brought it up the moment he had found out.

“Tada!” The plate was sat down in front of me and looking at it, I gave him a tight smile because at least it was better than what he had normally done. “Steak and potatoes.”

“Thanks.” Picking up my knife and fork, I began to cut into the meat worried that it would be raw and to my surprise it was actually medium-well. “When did you get better at cooking?”

“Well, work has been a little slow nowadays, so I’ve been coming home early and thought why not?” He was lying but I let it go as it was no big deal.

“Oh, really? That’s good, I guess.” Putting a piece into my mouth, I chewed slowly just to be sure that he wasn’t trying to poison me or anything.

We ate in silence as every time he tried to start a conversation, I replied back with one word or short sentences. It’s been like this since I found out, and it seems that only now he is realizing it. Clearing his throat, I looked up from my plate to see that he had a glass of wine pressed to his lips staring at me. Going back to my food, I stabbed the potatoes as if they had done something to me before ripping them as if they were the steak I had just finished.

“Do you have something that you need to tell me?” Rolling my neck, I listened to it crack before putting my utensils down onto my plate.

“No, do you?” Grabbing my dirty dishes, I took them to the sink rinsing them off and sticking them in the dishwasher.

“Are you sure?” Sighing loudly, the faucet was slammed closed leaving me to stare at him as he stared right back at me.

“What are you trying to get at, Jinnie?” The nickname felt foreign on my tongue as it’s been a while since I last called him that.

“One of my co-workers saw you leaving a motel with some tall black-haired guy. Want to explain?” His glass was sat down making more noise than it should have, but I was unfazed by it – I was faithful whereas he wasn’t.

“He’s a temp that works closely with my teams and me. He had gotten dirty because of me, so I took him to the motel to get cleaned up and brought him some new clothes to wear home. Is there anything else you need?” Wiping my already drying hands on a cloth, I left the kitchen going into the bathroom to use it.

“You could have just given him money. Why did you have to go through the trouble?” he had followed, leaning against the doorframe watching me pee.

“It’s not a big deal, so just drop it.” Shaking, I stuffed myself back into my pants, flushing and moving to the sink to wash my hands.

“It is! Others will talk badly about us.” It was sitting at the back of my mind and tongue, but the more he pressed on with the situation that was nothing the more it had come forward and I just couldn’t stop myself.

“Like you and Koo Junhoe.” His eyes were wide, and his mouth hung a little open causing me to laugh a little. “Out of all the people on this earth, it just had to be him. You just had to lay up under him!”

My anger had gotten the best of me causing me to lash out by punching the bathroom mirror. The pieces fell into the sink and around it. Now that I said it out loud, I couldn’t breathe – my chest hurt as if I had gotten stabbed. Pushing him out of the way, I stumbled into our bedroom trying to think because I couldn’t take my anger out on him – I couldn’t hit him, no matter how much I craved to do so.

“H-Hanbin…wait, okay? Listen to me.” Throwing his hands off of me, I went towards the window throwing it open looking for some fresh air.

“What is there to listen to, Jinwhan? Are you going to tell me about how great the sex is, or are you going to talk about how you two laughed at me?” My voice didn’t waver or shake like how I imagined it would, instead it had become something a few notches above a whisper. “You know that I don’t like him, and you choose him. I would have been fine with anyone else. Why him? WHY?!”

“I-It wasn’t like t-that.” Sighing, I cut him off not caring to hear about this right now.

Moving around him, I began to pack up a few of my things as I couldn’t be here tonight. I need to breathe. He fought against me trying to stop me by grabbing the bag once it was fully packed and about to find its place on my shoulder. Jerking it away, he was left grabbing at the air and in this moment, I didn’t even feel sorry for treating him like this. Taking my stuff from off the couch, I went to the door slipping back on my shoes before throwing it open and stomping my way towards the elevator. I couldn’t really think as I ran away from my home to my best friend’s already knowing that he would welcome me with warm arms.

Punching in the code that he had given me in cases of an emergency, I entered his apartment kicking around the mess before laying down on the couch waiting for him to come home. I knew he went out with the others for a drink, so it’ll be a while. Sighing, I stared at the ceiling my mind blank for the first time since this happened. I dozed off a little while waiting on him, only stirring when I heard him struggling outside the door to get it open. He was such an idiot. Standing, I threw the door opened scaring him as he stood staring at me as if I was an intruder, well I kind of was.

“What the hell are you doing in my home?” Pulling him inside, I closed the door walking around him to sit back down on the couch, rubbing my face in exasperation. “Did you and Jinhwan fight, again?”

“He’s cheating on me with Koo Junhoe.” His bag hit the floor causing me to glance at him noticing the pity in his eyes. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“That son of a bitch! Hasn’t he done enough?!” Shrugging, I leaned back into the old couch that he needed to replace – you can feel the springs in it. “What did Jinhwan say? Did you confront him?”

“Yeah, I just did, and it was all because he thought I was cheating on him with Yunhyeong. I threw it in his face – I even broke the mirror in the bathroom. I’ve been trying so hard to wrap my mind around it these last few weeks, but I just can’t understand. Why him? Of all people, why him?” Groaning, I tried to stop my tears because I shouldn’t cry, they don’t deserve my tears.

“Because it’s you, that’s why.” Something cold was pressed against my arm causing me to look over to see a can of beer. “I wasn’t there when the accident had popped off, but he shouldn’t be this obsessive. It was a misunderstanding, and you both have blown it out of proportion.”

“Then why do you hate him so much?” I knew why, I just wanted to hear him say it; maybe it will make me feel better.

“Because I’m a damn good friend, and not to mention, he was a dick to me back then.” Throwing his can back, I shook my head laughing at him.

“He was more than a dick to you.” He started coughing hard causing me to hit his back. “You just don’t want to remember it, and I completely understand why.”

We both let out heavy sighs thinking about the pass that wouldn’t leave us alone. Finishing out cans, he threw them away before going to lay down in his bed leaving me to sleep in the living room. Once all the lights were off and I was left in darkness, my tears came back running harshly down my face. Even after all the stuff that I put up with and sacrificed for him, the fact that he’d do this to me was hard hitting. Why did it hurt worse now than when I had first heard about it? Why does love mean nothing?


	6. I (Really) Hate You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to Junbin "relationship" and Junbob relationship :[ Also, the happier days of Binhwan :)

Rubbing the back of my neck, I rushed across campus to pick up the one I was deeply in love with. He had complained about me not spending enough time with him during my finals, so to make it up to him I prepared for us to go out on a date. Spotting his light brown caramel colored hair, I couldn’t help the smile that had spread across my face as I picked up speed. His short stature should have gotten him lost in the crowd of students, instead it made him stand out like a sore thumb. Coming up behind him, I grabbed his sides causing him to jump screaming a little bit.

“What the hell, Hanbin?! I almost lost a baby.” Laughing, I ruffled his hair liking the softness of it under my fingers. “Stop! Do you know how hard it was to achieve this style?”

“Sorry, sorry, let’s go. We’ll miss the movie.” Intertwining our fingers, I pulled him closer to me as we made our way off campus.

“Hanbin Sunbae?” I stopped walking at the voice, memories of last year coming back. “It’s been a while since we saw one another. How have you been?”

“I’m good, Junhoe. How are you?” He came around us so that we were now looking at one another head on.

“I’m great! Actually, have you seen Jiwon Hyung?” Shaking my head, I thought about my roommates last whereabouts.

“No, why?” He became a little shy at the question, scratching the back of his neck, a little pink blush decorated his features.

“Well, we’re kind of dating, now.” Humming, I held in my surprise as he was indeed one of Jiwon’s types.

“Oh, well, I’m kind of in the middle of a date, so I’ll catch up with you another time.” Apologizing, he ran off waving at us causing me to scowl in distaste.

His acting skills have greatly improved from the last time I’ve been around him. Looking at my watch, I hurried us along because we were actually going to be late now. Making it just in time, I got the tickets heading over to the other who had his arms crossed over his chest with a pout on his face. What is he acting up over now?

“You’ll get wrinkles like that.” Walking up to the concession stand, I got us popcorn and his favorite candy knowing that he wouldn’t stay still without it.

“Who’s Junhoe?” Thanking the worker, he took his candy ripping the bag open without hesitation.

“Someone you shouldn’t associate yourself with.” I hoped that he’d drop it, but he never did.

“Why?” Ignoring the question, I ushered him into the theater immediately finding seats near the top. “Hanbin, I asked you a question.”

Sitting down, he flopped down next to me, eyes glaring at me already knowing that I wasn’t going to elaborate. Moving around a little, I got comfortable and grabbing a handful of popcorn I stuffed it in my mouth. He asked again but I shrugged it off glad that the movie was starting – it distracted him. We ended up watching some comedy seeing as how he didn’t like scary movies and I wasn’t really one for chick flicks. It was a nice medium for us. Laughing, I held popcorn out to him, but he declined throwing a handful of candy in his mouth. Welp, it’s his loss. The movie finished on a light-hearted note, so standing I waited for him to do the same, but he only crossed his arms again.

“I’ll tell you if you get up.” He stood heading down the stairs and I couldn’t believe how gullible he was.

Throwing away the empty popcorn bucket, I dusted my hands-off before walking towards his waiting figure.

“Why shouldn’t I associate with him?” Shrugging, I pulled my lips down walking towards the door. “Hanbinnnnnnnn! Please, tell me. Pleaseeee.”

He started to whine, stomping his feet cutely, drawing unwanted attention towards us. Groaning, I sudden felt like his parent as I grabbed his hoodie dragging him out of the building and onto the sidewalk.

“Because I said so, Jinnie.” He grumbled saying something along the lines of ‘Who do you think you are?’ “Just stay away from. He’ll only bring you drama and misfortune.”

“Fine, I’ll accept it for now, but I want to know later.” Nodding, he came up wrapping his arms around my waist, walking awkwardly beside me. “But if he’s so bad, why is Jiwon dating him?”

“Jiwon is an idiot that’s why, he thinks if something goes wrong then it is only a mistake.” What Koo Junhoe did clearly wasn’t a mistake and it never will be. “He also takes a lot of problems as misunderstandings.”

“Mistakes and misunderstandings? He sounds like a very forgiving person.” Rolling my eyes, I had to remember that Jinnie has only met Jiwon a few times.

“He’s just more understanding of certain situations than we are. He did come from the States.” Entering the campus again, we started heading towards his dorm as the one he was in had a strict curfew, unlike my own. “Isn’t that him?”

His vibrant hair stood out in the setting sun, and if we hadn’t met the other person, he’s with two hours ago, then we would have been more confused than we already are. They were arguing like any other couple; the only difference was that they were getting handsy with one another. Didn’t they just start dating? As soon as the thought passed, Junhoe’s hand raised slapping Jiwon as if he tried to steal from him. Everything had seemed to stop moving as we waited for what the other would do, but to our surprise he didn’t do much. He pushed the other away from him before violently stomping his way towards our dorms.

“I have to go, sorry.” Patting his waist, he let me go telling me to send Jiwon his concern.

Laughing, I ran after the other who looked ready to blow up the school. Stopping, I finally caught up with him only for him to turn and start punching the bricks that kept the buildings together. I waited until he calmed down a little more and when it seemed safe, I grabbed his shoulder turning him towards me. He was clearly angry – his skin was a dark red, one of his eyes twitched weirdly, his breathing was labored, and his bleeding fist were still clenched together tightly.

“A-Are you okay?” Slightly whispering the words, I didn’t want to startle him too much.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m cool.” The switch in his demeanor was quick as he took a deep breath. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“A fourth of the campus just saw you get slapped by Junhoe.” He shrugged as if it was no big deal – something is seriously wrong with him. “Why didn’t you tell me that you two are dating?”

“We were only fuck buddies, and then he said he wanted more, so I caved in.” Nodding, I started to pull him towards our dorm, we should talk about this stuff indoors.

“What were you two arguing about?” He lightly touched his cheek hissing at the pain that was inflicted upon him.

“He got mad that I wasn’t answering his calls and text messages which was impossible as I was in a class that paying attention accounts for half of my grade. I told him that he was acting out and to stop as it was embarrassing, next thing I know he’s screaming about how I shouldn’t be as we’re dating. I rolled my eyes and then bam! He slapped me.” It wasn’t funny but the way that he explained it was causing me to let out a breath of laughter.

Entering the dorm, we took the stairs to the second floor as it was stupid to take the elevator. Opening the stairwell door, we walked down the hallway towards our room and getting inside we locked the door behind us. Going towards the mini-fridge, I took out a frozen water bottle tossing it to him which he caught with ease. Holding it to his face, I crossed my arms leaning against the wall watching in amusement. It’s never okay to put your hands-on others, especially your significant other, but I had warned him last year to stay away from him. Now, they’re dating, and he’s only tasted a tip of his character. Shaking my head, I remembered that his knuckles were bleeding, so going into the bathroom I got the first aid kit. Jumping on his bed, I took his hands in my own disinfecting, cleaning, and bandaging them up. Once I was done, his hands reminded me of a boxer’s but for other reasons.

“Going to break up?” He sighed, shaking his head lightly.

“Nah, I enjoy the company.” I wanted to tell him to snap out of whatever trance he had put himself into, but I was going to let him go through this on his own.

I had already given him his warning and now the rest was up to him.

~

The semester was coming to an end and those two were still going at it. They were known as the most toxic couple on campus as they fought and hit each other out in public. It was worse when it was only the four of us because right after their little show they were making out among other things. Why is my best friend such an idiot?

“Hanbin Sunbae!” Groaning, I kept walking wishing that he would just leave me alone. “Hyung?!”

“Yes, Junhoe?” Turning towards him, he was too close for it to be personal space, so pushing him away I took a step back. “Do you need something?”

“Not really, I just like calling your name.” Here we go again.

“Can you stop?” He looked confused but we both knew what I was talking about. “Wasn’t what you did last year enough? Now, you’re dating my best friend and hanging around me, it’s annoying. Stop it.”

“What I did last year?” He finally dropped whatever act he was playing for causing his true colors to shine as he scoffed at my words. “You wanted it too, don’t act like you didn’t.”

“I rejected you all those times before that, so what makes you think that I’d want that. No, what makes you think that I want you? Leave me alone, it’s borderline obsessive and it’s creepy.” Walking away from him, my bag was suddenly yanked on before I was being dragged away from my original path. “Yah! Let me go!”

I had no idea where we were going, but wherever it was I didn’t want to be there. We finally stopped, and my back was thrown against the side of the building. He looked at me with this blank look that only meant trouble.

“Look, _Sunbae,_ I just hate the fact that you’re in a happy relationship and it isn’t with me. You said I was cute, what changed?” My face turned up at the memory of our first meeting.

“How about when you took naked pictures of me without my consent and sent them around campus? Or, when you got me drunk and slept with me even though I rejected you countless times? I dislike everything about you, Koo Junhoe.” Pushing him away, I stepped out of his reach as I was going to be late for class. “That cute act might work with Jiwon, but it’ll never work with me, so fuck off while I’m still being nice.”

“I hate you, Hyung!” Flipping him off, I couldn’t give two fucks about his feelings.

Making it to my class, I had to sneak in through the back door and sliding in next to Jiwon I was glad that I didn’t miss much. Pulling out my books, I started taking notes looking at Jiwon’s scarce notes every so often to be sure that I had gotten everything. My phone had started vibrating against my leg, but I ignored it as this professor was quick to erase the board. It vibrates a few more times before stopping causing me to sigh. Once class finished, Jiwon and I didn’t rush out instead talking to the other students in front of us. After getting all the notes and assignment, we left both exhausted even though the class was only an hour long.

“I think I’m in love with Junhoe.” I wanted to ignore his words like I always did but this time I couldn’t.

“You said that yesterday as well. Please shut up about him?” Pulling out my phone, I saw the messages from Jinhwan who was clearly angry at me.

“Huh? W-What? Why? B-But…whatever! Fuck you then!” Flinching at the sudden anger that had entered Jiwon, I took a quick glance at him phone to see that Junhoe had just called him.

“What happened?” Tears entered his eyes causing me to sit him down on a bench.

“He broke up with me.” Oh, well at least he listened to me this time. “He said that he never liked me and that -.”

Mentally blocking his next few words as they had to do with his sex life, I rubbed his back watching him cry. A small figure was making its way over to us causing me to smile at him only to be slapped. Blinking, slowly, I had to bring myself back into the situation as I just got slapped for no reason.

“How dare you cheat on me?! Shouldn’t I be enough for you?!” Huh? I was clearly confused, and he knew that I was. “What is this?”

He fumbled with his phone before showing me one of the many naked pictures that were spread around, this one had the other person’s leg in it. Sighing, I had to remember that we weren’t together at that time, so of course he wouldn’t know.

“That’s from last year before we got together.” His face fell suddenly overcome with guilt. “That bastard.”

“Oh, Hanbin I’m so sorry. Does it hurt?” Pushing his hands away, I stood heading towards my dorm as I needed a drink. “Binnie! Wait!”

“No.” He stopped following me causing me to sigh a little in relief.

It took everything in me not to turn around and find that sick bastard, but I stopped myself because it’ll only be another headache that I do not need. Arriving at the room, I went right to the mini-fridge grabbing two cans of beer and chugging those down a little bit of weight was taken off my shoulders. Laying down, I closed my eyes wishing that the world would just cave in on me and swallow me whole. Falling asleep, I couldn’t even dream because the only thing I could think about was all the shit he has been putting me through these last few years.

We first met at the opening festival that welcomed the incoming freshman with fun and clubs wishing to recruit them. As the president of the Photography Club, I was forced to be there even though I wanted to be with the other half of the club that was getting ready for the game at the end of the night. Our club was used for taken pictures and videos of all major events as it was cheaper for the college instead of getting actual professional help. Sighing, I greeted a group of students who had greeted me with an excited ‘Hanbin Sunbae!’ – I can’t lie, it’s nice to be well liked. That was when my vision was blocked by a figure that was my height or few inches taller causing me to stand up straighter so that we were face-to-face. His face held a look of wanting to be somewhere else, but the moment I smiled at him, his facial expression changed drastically. He smiled wide, eyes almost disappearing as they crinkled in the corners, and I couldn’t stop myself from calling him cute.

He joined the club on account of my compliment, but I knew that there was more to it because his eyes never left me whenever we were together. Not only was I president of the club, I was also one of the top students in the college, so I was always busy socializing with others and that was when I had first got some information on him. They told me to be careful as he was crazy, along with a story of how he sent another student to the nut house. I shrugged it off not wanting to believe in rumors as everyone should at least get a chance before you start judging them, and I really wish I had listened. Everywhere I turned, he was there smiling at me kindly calling me ‘Sunbae’ and whenever he thought I wasn’t looking he would turn on other students talking down on them. I slowly began to distance myself from him and that was when he dropped the bomb on me. He confessed to me one day after a club meeting, and of course I declined him because he was two-faced – I hated it.

Sadly, on my part, he doesn’t know what rejection is. All his life he’s been given the finer things in life along with getting everything he ever wanted, and my rejection was a slap in his face. He kept trying after that and I kept declining to the point where I was screaming at him to get away from me. The vice-president had come up to me voicing his concern about the situation and how it was affecting the club, so following his advice I invited him out for drinks. That was where he had gotten me drunk off my ass, slept with me, then spread around my nudes when I had rejected him once more. I didn’t care about the stares and all that, but I took my responsibility in it and resigned from the club not wanting to give it a bad image. I thought that would be enough for him, he obviously had other plans for me.

My projects and Essays ended up missing and when they resurfaced his name was on them instead of mine. I obviously was outraged, and after complaining to the professors, they just told me to redo it and turn it in whenever I got the chance. I’ve been doing that for the last semester afraid of him stealing my work and lowering my grades, but it seems that he still isn’t done with me.

Waking up, Jinhwan was lying next to me texting away on his phone causing me to pull my arm from under his head fully sitting up. Looking around the room, Jiwon was on his computer smashing the keys in as he types up an essay that was probably due tomorrow knowing him. Jumping out of bed, I went to the bathroom getting myself together as I looked as if a train had hit me and kept going.

“Hanbin, what is going on?” Rubbing at my eyes, I sat down on the edge of my bed with the both of them staring at me in wonder.

Telling them the whole story, they were both as mad as I was, but once we settled down, we realized that there is nothing that we could really do. Collectively as a group, we made it an effort to avoid him at all cost after that and he clearly took notice of our efforts. We still ignored him, though; and when graduation came around, I smiled big and wide knowing that he was watching me from the large crowd of people that watched us walk across the stage.

That was the last time I thought I would ever see him. I wish that was the last time I ever saw him, but his greed was something that couldn’t be stopped and next thing I know, he’s being introduced as the new CEO of Korea EC – the company that both Jiwon and I worked hard getting into along with various promotions. And he became the CEO without any real work being done, and all it took was him kissing the Chairman’s ass to get the position. That was also the start of him trying to ruin my life again for the second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo Junhoe has always been him? Anyway, what do you think? I was going to space it out to make it more dramatic, but I have other plans in mind, so I thought why not just dump it all on you at one time.


	7. Does it take courage?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the present...

Everything hurt, and I was suddenly three years in the past. I could barely open my right eye which had my left one flying open trying to gage the situation. Memories of last night came crashing into me like waves on a rocky shore. Lightly touching my lip, there was dried blood on it and tapping my cheek with my other hand it was the same situation. An arm pulling tightly on my waist had me turning to look at the side profile of our CEO – disgusting bastard.

Muffling my groan with my hand, we were both very naked and my clothes that were on the floor were torn to shreds. Was he this rough with Director Kim’s spouse, or should I say Jinnie? He didn’t even answer my last question as he was too busy trying to beat me to a pulp. He needs anger management and to stay the hell away from me; I can’t believe I actually slept with him. All this time I’ve been trying my hardest to keep to myself and just work without any problems, and now there are rumors about Director Kim and I, along with the fact that I slept with the CEO just to keep him quiet. It’s good that this is only a one-time thing or else I wouldn’t know what to do.

Removing his arm, or at least trying to, he suddenly moved over me, hands on either side of my torso. His eyes were still closed but another part of him was very much awake as it slides across my thigh when he was moving. It was a waiting game as I waited for him to do something other than hover over me. The eyes that were closed, slowly cracked opened and as we were now staring at each other he scoffed causing me to return it.

“Hey, _pretty baby_.” Putting my hands on his chest, I made a move to push him away, but he didn’t budge – am I really that weak? “Aww, you don’t want me anymore? But you were screaming for me last night.”

“It was a formality. Can you move now? I need to clean myself up.” Sitting up, I got out of bed ignoring the sting in my back while doing so. “I’ll need clothing seeing as how you ruined mine.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’ll have the day off.” Brushing his words off, I entered the bathroom locking the door behind me. “I’m serious. I’ll be home around lunch to drop you off wherever you need to be.”

“I don’t need it; I can get home on my own.” His laughter floated outside the door causing me to walk away from it.

Looking at my reflection, I could almost applaud him as he did an almost identical job as Yoon did. Donghyuk’s hits were nothing compared to this. My shut eye was swollen to the point where it looked infected, which might be the case with all these cuts. It was also a dark purple, but it wasn’t exactly a black purple – my eye is probably bloodshot underneath this mess. The hit that broke the skin on my cheek – from one of his many rings – wasn’t very deep or long but it bleeds like it was. A busted lip was the norm for me, so I’ll just apply some chap stick and go about my life. A huge bruise covered the right side of my jaw, which meant that I’d have to wear a turtleneck to cover it up. My nose had bleed, a little, when I was sleeping but it wasn’t all that bad as it had stopped only drying around my nostrils. It was an easier cleanup than most.

Digging around in his cabinets, I didn’t care for privacy as he didn’t respect my own. Finding the first-aid kit and some childish Band-Aids, I sat them next to the sink as I turned on the water washing my face. The water going down the drain was a light pink for a while before it became its normal clear color. Disinfecting what needed it, I applied ointment before the Band-Aids. Taking a gauze, I covered the bruise on my jaw knowing that no one else would see it besides me – and the person who put it there. With my face now somewhat fixed, all I needed now was a pair of sunglasses and I would be good. They were sure to whisper as my last one had just faded – I need a drink.

“Are you going to be all day? I need to get ready for work.” Wetting my hair, a little, I exited to see that he already had his underwear and slacks on.

“No shower?” Shrugging, he pushed me out of the way, and it took everything in me not to gag.

“You’re not taking one either, so why is it a concern of yours?” I can’t believe he thinks I’m dirty like him.

“I don’t have clothes, so I’m taking one when I get home.” Grabbing my underwear off the floor, I slipped it on thankful that they were still intact and for the most part clean.

“Take one when I leave. Underwear is in the third drawer on the right in the closet, and I don’t have any clothes that’ll fit you, so just throw on a sweater or something. I’ll buy you some sweatpants later.” Opening my mouth, I was about to tell him that I was leaving along with him as I didn’t want to be in this house any longer, but he clearly didn’t want to hear it.

Walking up on me, I stumbled backwards a little trying to get away from him. Using both hands, he grabbed my arms pulling me closer to see his clenched jaw and hard eyes. Okay, he did scare me a little, but it wasn’t enough for me to fear him – he honestly thought too highly of himself.

“You’ll stay in this house; do you understand?” Shaking my head, a little, my neck was loose causing it to crack from how hard he did it.

“Y-Yeah.” Raising his eyebrow at my words, I held in my distaste. “Yes, sir.”

“Ooh, isn’t that a smart baby?” Patting my head, I grumbled under my breath not liking this one bit. “Huh? What was that?”

“Nothing.” His hand pulled back causing me to involuntarily flinch at the action. “I’m serious, it was nothing.”

“It better have been.” Fixing his tie, he pulled on his jacket looking in the mirror at his appearance. “Like I said throw on a sweater or something that covers you up. I expect to see you in it when I get back.”

And with that he was gone, not really, he just wasn’t on the second floor with me anymore. How could he have so much trust in me that I wouldn’t empty out his whole house in those few hours that he’s gone? He probably doesn’t and is fueling his judgement on some type of fear that I have – which is smart, even for him. Going back into the bathroom, I turned on the shower seeing no reason to prolong this as he was leaving anyway. The shower head was detachable which meant that I wouldn’t get my face wet, and that was good as I didn’t want to dig through his cabinets again. There was a lot of weird stuff under there.

Washing quickly, I wrapped a towel around my waist heading out to his closet that was filled with nothing but expensive clothing. Opening the drawer that he had pointed out earlier, it was filled with all brand names the only thing was that they were all black. What was the point? Taking out a random pair I slipped it on, discarding the towel where I stood as I don’t care anymore. Flipping through his extensive wardrobe, I snatched a sweater that looked way too big for the both of us and putting it on I was now lost on what to do. I showered and cleaned my face, but I was stuck in my Boss’s home for no real reason other than the fact that he – in a way – blackmailed me into sleeping with him.

He clearly wasn’t here anymore but it didn’t take a genius to know that he had cameras all over the place. He would be an idiot to not have them. Skipping down the stairs that I had so fearful ran up, I went straight towards my bag digging in it to see missed calls and text messages from the other violent person in my life right now. You get rid of one and more just keep coming. My phone had started to ring and answering it, I sighed from deep within.

“Where the hell are you?” Should I be truthful or an asshole? Asshole.

“Somewhere. Why?” I could tell that he was biting his lip, it was something he has been doing since we first met.

“Never mind.” Hanging up, I looked at the date quickly figuring out why he had called – it was Yoon’s birthday.

Digging back in my bag, I put on my sunglasses not wanting to see my face when I walked past something. Something deep down had twisted up in pain at that information and I was sure to cry; I always do. I really do need a drink. Heading into the kitchen, I opened the fridge to see that it was filled with nothing but water bottles and side dishes. Does he ever eat? He probably survives on sucking the life out of others. Laughing at my own joke, I grabbed a few of the side dishes – the ones with some type of meat or fish in them – and sitting them out I plopped them onto a random plate I found. Moving the plate over to the island, I jumped up onto the chair a little appalled at the fact that my feet swung when they normal always touched the ground.

Eating, my hands shook as I thought about things that I shouldn’t. Shaking my head, I finished eating and washing my dishes I took my seat once more wondering if I should text or call. He said to call if I need anything, but I don’t think we’re on that level yet to be calling one another. Sending a quick text, I asked him if he’d be up for paying for another meal and some drinks. Once it was sent, this nervous feeling had entered me for some odd reason – am I afraid that he’d won’t want to meet me? Why would I be? It isn’t like we’re dating or anything; I can’t even say that we’re really friends. We’re neighborhood friends, though. My phone went off causing me to handle it roughly as I looked at the message that made me happy in the small moment – he was more than happy to hang out again. Tonight, I’m getting drunk off my ass to forget whatever this is.

The hours seemed to drown on, and it was starting to annoy me because I really just wanted to go home, but I have no idea where I am; plus, I have no pants on. None of his fit, I tried. The pants I wore over here were torn at the end of the zipper (crotch) and basically split in half, and I couldn’t find the other half when I was looking earlier – he probably threw it away. Swinging my legs, I rested my head on my palm trying to figure this all out. Of course, when he came back, I’m going to put my foot down and demand that this is never spoken about among many other things that don’t need to be put out in the open. I’ll keep his secret and he’ll keep mine – did he even have any secrets beside the fact that he was sleeping with Director Kim’s husband? Blackmail wouldn’t really be a secret, but I’m sure he doesn’t want anyone to know about it.

“Aww, the pretty baby actually listened.” The words were whispered in my ear causing me to jump only to see that he had me caged in with one hand on the counter while the other was keeping the chair in place.

“Stop calling me that!” Clenching my teeth, I calmed down a little because we wouldn’t be associated with each other after this anyway. “I couldn’t fit any of your pants nor did I find the other half of my own; also, I don’t know where the hell I am, so escaping would do nothing for me.”

“Mhm, is that so?” Rolling my eyes, I noticed that his eyes were on my phone, so reaching out I grabbed it pulling it into me. “What was that for?”

He was playing innocent and it would have bothered me, but I said it was no big deal, this wasn’t a big deal. The hand that was keep the chair in place rubbed at my back before slowly making its way down. Looking at him, he held a kind smile as if what he was trying to do was anything but kind. Using the hand that wasn’t hold my phone, I grabbed at his hand stopped him as I just wanted to go home, and he said he’d take me home.

“I thought it was cute when you ran last night, but it’s starting to piss me off how you think you can control the situation. It’s a stupid thought, honestly.” My thoughts were nowhere near what he thinks they are, I don’t want him touching me anymore, that’s all.

“Take me home, now.” That blank expression was back, and I couldn’t help but curse a little under my breath – that didn’t mean that I was going to stop. “This was obviously a one-time thing, and now that it’s over you need to keep your word. Take me home and stay away from me, CEO Koo.”

His hand snuck under the sweater, fingers playing along the bumps on my spine only stopping once he reached the bottom of my neck. Massaging the area, I couldn’t help but squirm at the cool air that was now hitting my naked back and from the strength he was using to massage me. The massage soon stopped as it turned into a tight grip that had my head tilted back in pain as he was pressing deeply into nerves and muscle. He slid me forward with little to no force causing my toes to point as he wasn’t moving his hand down for me to stand comfortably. He probably doesn’t even know what comfortable is.

“The underwear you’re wearing is ₩40,101.12; the sweater you so kindly put on is ₩282,323.02; the side dishes you ate cost me ₩77,974.40 – I like to eat the finer things in life you see.” Biting my lip, I held in my scream as he squeezed even harder. “That’s a good ₩400,398.54 you’ve got in and on you, and I’m usually not petty about these sorts of things but you just had to keep running your mouth. So, I’m going to keep fucking you until it’s amounts to the money you own me.”

“How much is my fucking worth?” I said it as a joke, but it seems that only I found it funny.

Letting my neck go, his hand was back to rubbing on the bare skin that had many faded bruises and scars. The hand moved down to my ass gripping tightly as if he wanted to rip it off causing me to look away holding my breath, it wasn’t like he could really make out my expression with the sunglasses and all on.

“₩111,374.50 is what I’ll take off for each fuck, but every time you do something, I don’t like I’m tacking more money on.” I really don’t want to agree seeing as how he’s only using me with no real reason, but the amount of money he was going to make me pay was more than what I could afford with a few paychecks.

“Fine, let’s do it now.” As soon as the words left my mouth, he is moving aside the underwear pushing a finger inside catching me off-guard.

“Loosen up, or else I’ll double the price.” Taking a few deep breaths, I forced myself to relax ignoring the tight feeling in my stomach as I was disgusted in myself.

His hand pushed on my upper back leaning me against the island causing me to let out this surprised yelp as his finger went deeper the further into the island I was pushed. Pulling out, he pushed back in this time with another finger and of course, I tightened up at the burn because he was being anything but gentle. It was forceful and as if he was running out of time with every last thrust of his hand. biting my lip, I swallowed my pain giving him the same treatment I had given him last night – he’ll get nothing out of me until I couldn’t help it anymore.

As if he was a child, he stretched his fingers in a bunch of different directions forcing me to open back up. My calves started to hurt from me standing on my tip-toes for such an extended amount of time, so on his next thrust I pushed myself further up the island until I was flat on my stomach. His laughter at my action sounded as if he was proud that I had figured something out for myself.

“Ah, got it.” Brushing past my prostate, I gave him my first moan since this started causing me to grip onto the edge of the island and for my toes to curl up.

He was brutal for the next few minutes continuously hitting it hard not giving me any time to breathe. Tears started to fall from the bottom of my glasses hitting the marble that had made up the counter. The thrust of his fingers soon became lazy as he would lightly brush past it not even giving me the satisfaction of actually hitting it.

“This isn’t worth ₩111,374.50 of my money. Try harder or I’ll triple the price.” Sighing, I pushed myself off the counter accidentally causing his fingers to go deeper than they should have. “That’s a nice sound, right there. Do it again.”

It came out again as he pushed in causing my legs to buckle. Holding onto his arm for support, my whole body shook not even giving me a chance to say that I was coming before I released all over the side of the island and floor. His fingers pulled out and falling onto the ground, I was dizzy, but I already knew that he was expecting more. Turning around, I grabbed his belt buckle tilting my head a little to see as if I had returned to the days of when my innocence was real.

I wish my innocence would return, so that I could go back to the days of being naïve enough not to know what this nasty feeling in the back of my throat was.

(~*~)

Jiwon’s couch was as uncomfortable as it has always been and when I woke up, I felt as if I was dying. My back was in so much pain that when I cracked it, I’m sure the earth had split a little along with it. Stumbling into his bathroom, I showered in boiling hot water relaxing my muscles and mind for a long day at work. On my way out, I bumped into Jiwon who told me to be quicker or else we’d be late. Laughing, I dug through my bag pulling out a suit that was sure to unwrinkled itself through the day as Jiwon didn’t have an iron as he got his clothing dry cleaned. He was wasteful with his money when it came to clothing but when it came to furniture, he was always trying to justify his reasons on why he hasn’t replaced it.

He drove us to work, yawning and scratching whatever he could reach, voice loud as he talked about the dinner he had brought yesterday. Well, it was more like him trying to wiggle his way out of paying only to be slapped with the bill at the end of the night. He shouldn’t have offered if he didn’t want to pay. Heading into the building, we scanned our cards before jumping on the elevator waiting for the doors to close, and the moment they were about to, a hand came stopping it. Koo’s face soon appeared with a crooked smile and scratched up arms that he hid with his coat.

“Good morning, sir.” Jiwon greeted him, but I didn’t, opting to stare at the panel that held the floor numbers.

“Mhm.” That was his response and it pissed me off - I should rip his fucking face off, but I won’t.

I’m at work and he’s my boss, sadly.

Making it to our floor, we all stepped off, the silence remaining strong between us. Entering the office, my eyes instantly fell on the empty desk where Yunhyeong is supposed to be. I wonder if he got homes safely? Maybe I should call and check up on him.

“Where’s Yunhyeong?” Everyone else shrugged causing me to sigh noticing the pile of envelopes that had been dropped off on his desk.

“He’ll be taking the day off.” Junhoe’s voice brought me from the papers to stare at his face. “Don’t worry, I gave him the day off.”

Walking away, he went into his office practically slamming the door closed. Sighing, Jiwon patted my shoulder before heading towards his desk leaving me alone. Telling Yoona to do Yunhyeong’s job, I went into my office not caring to sit around listening to her whine and complain like she normally does. Once I sat down, I immediately got to work trying not to think on other things that didn’t pertain to work. It had gone smoothly for a while before my phone had started to ring, the caller I.D showing that it was someone I wasn’t in the mood to talk with. Ignoring the call, I flipped my phone face down going back to signing papers as the project we were in the midst of working on needed to have its plan finalized by the end of the work day.

By the time lunch rolled around, I had completely exhausted myself out as I started to do work that wasn’t needed until a few months from now. I mean, might as well while I have the time, right? A knock on the door had me calling the person in, and it wasn’t much of a surprise to see Jiwon’s face. Sitting on the couch, he began to empty a bag filled with food making me smile at how kind he could be when he wasn’t trying to get on my last nerve.

“What did you get?” Standing, I brought my phone with me to clear the many missed calls and messages that the other had left me.

“Your favorite, so hurry and sit.” Snorting, I sat down across from him taking the utensils that he had unwrapped for me. “You know, it’s so hectic out there; I swear, Yoona is useless unless it has to do with phones.”

“Are you saying that you miss Yunhyeong?” Gasping, he threw a packet of salt at me telling me to shut up. “If you do then just say so.”

“I don’t miss him, per say. I’ve just never noticed how smooth he made the office move, especially when it came to copying papers and making packets. Yoona doesn’t even know which buttons to press to make multiple copies of one paper. She was literally doing it one at a time, until I had gotten fed up and told her to sit down.” Shoveling food into my mouth to hide my laughter, my phone had gone off causing me to pick it up. “Who is it? Jinhwan?”

“Nope, it’s none of your business.” He sat back rolling his eyes already knowing that I wasn’t going to tell him.

Yunhyeong had texted me asking if I wanted to hang out in his own words, and agreeing, I couldn’t help the smile that had come onto my face. I’m glad to know that he’s alright. I couldn’t phantom the thought of something happen to him, especially after all he’s been through. I’m not one to push, but I do want to know what happened for him to go to jail. He was just becoming a young adult when it had happened, so I can’t help but wonder what he would have been doing if he hadn’t done what he did, or where he would have gone if he hadn’t met the other. Then again, it’s really none of my business and the fact that he felt comfortable enough to share with me is enough.

Finishing up lunch, Jiwon continued to bother me only to be met with silence before I kicked him out of my office. Getting back to work, I worked at a faster pace, even going out onto the floor helping Yoona as she clearly was a mess. I ended up doing Yunhyeong’s job with handing things out. I even used it to check up on other’s and their workloads. As I moved around, I couldn’t help but hear them whisper under their breathes about how they can’t wait for Yunhyeong to come back. But weren’t they just begging me to fire him?

When the work day had come to an end, I practically rushed out not wanting to be late for our meet up. Hoping on the subway, anxiousness had set in for some odd reason – Why am I anxious? Isn’t it just Yunhyeong? Coming to my stop, I got off stuffing my hands in my pocket to make it seem as though I wasn’t in a rush. He’ll call me weird and laugh at me, if he sees that I’ve rushed to find him once more. I run after him a lot, nowadays; I wonder why?

“Yunhyeong?” The one who I called out turned around showing me a bandaged-up face and a pair of thick sunglasses. “What happened this time? Are you okay?”

“I think we can eat over there for a change. Let’s go.” Completely ignoring my concern, he headed into a different restaurant than the one we normally went into. “Table for two.”

“Did you enjoy your extra day off?” Sitting down, I could see the look he was giving me even though he had his glasses on that covered most of his face. “I guess not. Well, order whatever you want.”

It had panned out like the other times we’ve gotten a drink and meal together. He threw back his drinks and I watched while lightly sipping on my beer taking in the new injuries that he tried his best to cover up. He did a pretty good job, but with all the bandages it’s kind of easy to see that he hadn’t won the fight. If there was a fight. Sighing, he looked up from his plate staring at me in wonder.

“I tried to act as if it wasn’t a big deal, and in the end, I exploded on him. I told him that I knew and ran away right after. Aren’t I a coward?” Expecting him to laugh, and agree with me, I was pleasantly surprised when he did the exact opposite.

“You have more courage then I’ll ever have, Hyung.” That feeling of pity had come back as he bit his bottom lip harshly. “So, are you getting a divorce, or working it out?”

“I don’t know. I’m trying to organize my head, but it seems that it’s only filled with violent thoughts.” He nodded in understanding towards my words and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Let me take you somewhere, okay?” Agreeing as he isn’t usually one to offer, we finished eating and drinking in this comfortable silence.

The place he ended up taking me to was past his home and at the end of a cliff I never even knew was there. It was obviously blocked off by railings, but it was still a surprise. Leaning against a tree, he told me that no one usually comes over here, so if I wanted to punch, kick, and scream, then I’m free to do so. Tears instantly sprang into my eyes at the small amount of concern that he’s showing me. It would be nice if he was like this all the time.

Taking a deep breath, I drove my fist into the tree next to me, apologizing afterwards for hurting its bark. Soon, I had given up on caring as my fist continuously drove into it causing pieces of it to imbed into my already bruised knuckles finally breaking the skin. The fact that it hadn’t broken when I smashed in the mirror was a mystery I’d never care to solve. Small sobs left my lips instead of screams, and I couldn’t help but feel the weight of the world come crashing down on me. I’m so glad tomorrow is a company holiday meaning we don’t have work, or else I’d be in for more questioning than the one I’m going to get.

“Do you feel better?” Jumping, I had forgotten that he was watching me the whole time. “I used to do this when I had first moved into this neighborhood. I was fresh out of jail with no one – my last piece of family had turned their back on me, and the friends I could have had abandoned me. I screamed so much up here that I’m sure people thought someone was getting bludgeoned to death.”

Staring at him, he held a small smile that didn’t match the memories he was reminscing. I’ll blame it on the age gap that we share knowing I’ll never understand his train of thought. Thanking him, I dusted the pieces of wood off of my hands taking in the damaged that I had done. It’s not all that bad meaning that I can still use it. Heading down the mountain we had seemed to climb, our shoulders bumped every so often but neither of us spoke on it not wanting to make the situation awkward. We’re finally not awkward, I guess.

Dropping him off at his home, he thanked me for the meal as I watched him run up the steep steps before disappearing behind the small gate. I hope life gets better for him – I really do. Heading to Bobby’s, I threw open the door upon arrival not really caring that he had brought someone home. Taking myself into the guest room he had converted into an at home office, I sat down in the computer chair with my head thrown back trying to figure myself out.

“I should figure out my hand first, right?” Talking to myself, I moved around in search for the first-aid kit, the sounds coming from the room over being blocked out.

It’s no big deal, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm going to start updating every Wednesday. Let's hope I can stick to this schedule.


	8. Belong To Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nosy Junhoe, Testy Yunhyeong, Emotional Hanbin, and the greatest friend Bobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the first - well, second - update on our regularly scheduled program. Let's wish and pray that I don't miss next Wednesday, but other than that enjoy as always.

“I can’t believe I told him that. What am I? An idiot?” I know it’s nothing, but I can’t help but beat myself over the fact that I had told him.

He’ll surely remember – he always remembers, even if others want him to forget. That’s another reason why I didn’t like him in the beginning. He’s always bringing up old memories whenever he’s talking with other co-workers and it’s like can you not. It never has anything to do with me though, but he now knows more than I’ve ever wanted him to.

After he had seen me home last night, I took a shower curious as to why Donghyuk hasn’t shown his face in these pasts few days, but then again, he isn’t any of my concern anymore. He comes to beat me up in his Hyung’s stead and I allow him to do so. It’s only right. Laying down, I slept the most peaceful I have in a while and I don’t know if it’s because I talked too much or if it was finally at home. Whatever the reason is, I appreciate it from deep within. Morning had come crashing in, bringing me to my current state of regret leaving me to sigh and shake my head as what’s done is done.

Heavy knocking on the gate had me standing as it clearly isn’t Donghyuk – he usually picks the lock or jumps the fence. Pulling on a hoodie, I threw the hood on tying it as tight as I could without disturbing the gauze on my jaw. Heading outside, I threw open the gate, flinching at the sight of Hyung who looked around in disgust. ‘If you were going to look like that, then you should have stayed where you were’, that was one of many thoughts I had.

“Right where you belong, I see.” So, we’re taking this route, again. “I don’t even know why I came.”

“Then leave.” The fact that I’d never talk to him like this just pointed out my frustration at the situation. “You came for no reason, so leave. It isn’t like you ever gave a damn about me anyway.”

Slamming the gate in his face, I locked it before rushing back inside making sure to slam the front door too. I went through so much because he wouldn’t help me, and it’s all because he couldn’t believe I’d do that to his precious friend. His precious friend who was leaving me broken and bruised at every chance he got. And even when I told him about the abuse, he started the blame game saying that his friend isn’t like that and I must be doing something to provoke him. I used to get beat for nothing on some days, and others were mainly his own ego that he hurt himself.

Sniffling, I wiped at my face trying to not irritate my eye too much. I need it to disappear, not become permanent. Turning on the small TV, it played a program that I’ve seen countless of times, but I sat down and watched it. Time passed like that slowly until there was knocking on the gate once more. I finally get a day off and can’t even enjoy it without people coming to bother me. Making my way back outside, I opened the gate taking a step back not expecting for him to be here. Didn’t he have enough fun yesterday?

“It’s like a cardboard box.” Pushing past me, his expensive attire shined brightly in this dull place that I call home.

“Why are you here?” Tossing me a bag, I read the designer name that ran across it in large black letters.

“Change and come down. I’ll be waiting in my car.” Leaving me alone, he closed the gate behind him, the sound of his shoes tapping against the ground echoing loudly.

How the hell does he know where I live? Well, it’s in the company files, idiot.

Knowing that I can’t get out of this, I changed into the outfit he brought me that had no shoes to go with. So, putting on the converse I wore every day, I grabbed my necessity throwing them into a bag before putting on my sunglasses. The sun wasn’t strong today, but I needed to hide this mess of a face. Hyung was one thing but this man is another.

Walking back outside, I locked the front door and the gate, glancing around in hopes that someone who hates me would swoop in and save me, but it seems that my hoping and wishing fell on nothingness. Shouldering my bag, I slowly walked down the steep steps towards the white overly expensive car that carried me off the day before. The door popped open the moment I stepped off the last step causing me to take a deep breath for the last time before sliding into the seat. Closing the door behind me, he didn’t even spare me a single glance to see if I had gotten in the seat fully, only pulling off making the tires grind against the road.

Buckling myself in, for some reason I felt smaller than normal causing my hands to timidly gather in my lap. My fingers picked at the skin around my nails as they twisted around one another. It wasn’t comforting in the least, but it was a habit I picked up in jail whenever I didn’t know what to say. When I couldn’t deal with the silence that followed a short conversation that didn’t end in the violence I was accustomed to. It was usually my toes that picked at, but with me being fully clothed and seated that was a little impossible at the moment.

“What’s in the bag?” Jumping, I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye wondering if I should just tell him or continue being an asshole.

“My things.” A small burst of harsh forced laughter left him, his hands tightening around the wheel, the car speeding up slightly.

“I’m only asking once.” His jaw was clenched tightly making the sculptured line even sharper.

“Extra clothes and other small things.” Whispering it, he seemed to relax at the fact that it wasn’t anything serious.

“So, you’re saying that you want to go another round?” A smirk came onto his face, his body slightly leaning to rest on the door.

I wanted to say no with everything in me, but the fact that I was indebt to him told me that I had no reason to try and decline, so instead I turned to look out of the window. We were far from the neighborhood I had become used to and as everything began to look nicer, I knew we were close to where he lived. The car started to weave through traffic before pulling to a surprising smooth stop in front of a restaurant. Pressing the start/stop button, the engine died out leaving us in silence.

“Let’s go.” Sucking in a small breath of air, I pushed it out just as quickly before exiting the car, walking to meet him on the sidewalk. “Don’t be an embarrassment. I know your kind doesn’t have manners.”  

My kind? Like he’s any better.

Scoffing, I entered behind him watching as the host recognized him right away, immediately showing us towards a table. Pulling out my chair, I sat down thanking the host causing him to give me a genuine smile before going back to his post. His smile kind of reminded me of Director Kim’s smile – prolonged and curious, but extremely kind and gentle. In other words, creepy. Well, it’s eased up as of lately seeing as how his world has been flipped upside down. I bet he’s feeling as if he can’t breathe, as if he’s gasping for air and no one is there to save him. He’ll have to save himself, sadly, everyone has to in the end.

“You drink?” Nodding, his eyebrows jumped causing a waiter to come over as he read off a bunch of stuff. “Let’s make this quick and go back to my place.”

“You didn’t need to feed me to fuck me.” Running my finger around the rim of my water glass, I rolled my eyes trying to calm down. “You didn’t feed me yesterday or the day before.”

“I did feed you.” Side dishes isn’t a meal, bastard. “You sucked my dick and I fucked you after, so I gave you a meal and pleasure, right?”

“Pleasure? Don’t kid me.” The waiter came back with a bottle of something I didn’t care to read, or pronounce, as they filled out wine glasses.

“What happened to the timid person that was in the car earlier? It seems that you pick and choose the times to be snippy.” That’s because I’d rather be anywhere else, or I don’t know, how about getting this over with quickly.

“I have work later, so can we hurry this up.” I was sudden reminded of the fact that I had to bartend down at the club.

“Work? Where else do you work?”

“Why do you care so much about my personal information? We aren’t even supposed to be meeting like this.” Taking a dragging sip of my wine, I laughed a little still not believing this situation. “What if I decide to report you to HR? Then you’d be out a job, right?”

“Is that a threat or a promise?” That blank look had frozen over his features making me flash him a calming smile.

He won’t hit me or lash out in public. It’ll ruin his reputation and that’s probably the last thing he wants to happen, especially with his position. Because then they’ll find out that he’s blackmailing me into sleeping with him for money he knows that I don’t have. Why is this such a mess? At least, I’m not as worried as I was in the beginning. I know death won’t come to me easily no matter how much I beg for it.

“It’s whatever it needs to be.” Our food came sliding in front of us, his blank look still in place trying to figure himself out – it obviously conflicts with the setting.

Digging into my food, I stuffed my mouth in the most non-embarrassing way I could possibly go about it. To be honest, I had no food at home having not gone grocery shopping in weeks, maybe longer. Most of my meals came from the company’s lunch or Director Kim, so I’m starving. I’m just as pathetic as he would say I am – I don’t take care of business or myself.

Throwing back my glass, the wine slid down my throat smoothly as if it was nothing but water. Well, water was turned into wine. Coughing a little, I cleared my throat and my plate causing me to sit back feeling stuffed. Maybe I should trick him into buying me meals seeing as how he likes to spend money unnecessarily.

Neither of us spoke as he finished up his meal slowly, fingers twitching while wrapped around his knife and fork. Swallowing the rest of his wine, he asked for the bill leaving me to stare as he signed away on the receipt he didn’t care to take afterwards. Motioning for me to stand, I did so with a heavy heart already knowing that I’ll have to act out of character. I’ll be the me everyone sees me as.

“I’m curious about something,” Humming to acknowledge that I’m paying attention, he pulled right into the garage once more, “How did you and Seungyoon get together? His standards seem better than you.”

My mind started to go back to the only time I was happy with him and I had to stop myself. He did all this research, so I’m sure he knows, meaning I have no reason to answer him. Getting out, I held my bag in one hand while the other opened the door open as I let it go to head up the stairs. He remained silent as he traveled behind me allowing me to take off my shoes and go back to a different version of yesterday.

“I think I asked a question.” Dropping my bag on the couch, I leaned against the back of it watching as he rolled up his sleeves, shirt already somewhat unbuttoned.

“Why do you care so much? We’re only sleeping together until I pay off that debt, then that’s it between us. You shouldn’t snoop too much or else you’ll end up where you don’t want to be.” His steps were light, face funny, as he approached me.

His arms soon caged me in causing our eyes to meet in a heated discussion. One that didn’t meet our lips for words to be spoken.

“Where I don’t want to be?” His breathe smelled of the wine we had drunk making my stomach flip a little. “And where exactly is that?”

“Maybe it’s better for you not to know or else it’ll ruin my fun.” Patting his cheek, I smiled before checking the time on my phone. “We should hurry.”

“Do you think you have any right to rush me? An ex-convict telling me what to do is laughable.” But aren’t you fucking this ex-convict?

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled myself closer as we really needed to get this over with. I have enough stuff going on and the fact that his ego gets in the way annoys me. He reminds me of Seungyoon but a lot less violent - he’s still violent but not as violent as the other.

“Well, then tell me what to do, CEO Koo?” Whispering it, our lips slightly brushed making his smirk widen.

“You only become compliant at the thought of someone sticking a dick in you. You are a _whore_.” Closing my eyes, I let out a shaky breath wishing to stop my tears. “Don’t tell me that that gets to you _baby_? Being called exactly what you are – a _whore_ as one Kang Seungyoon has stated plenty of times.”

I had to stop myself from clenched my hands not wanting him to realize my discomfort. He already knows too much. I can’t give him any more fuel to flame this fire that should have died three years ago with him.

“I’m whatever you want me to be, so let’s not bring up others, especially guys with bigger dicks.” Getting my last tease in, I was suddenly being hauled up and towards the stairs.

I’ll probably get a few more bruises and scratches, but as long as I get out of here in two hours then I don’t care. It’s whatever at this point.

(~*~)

I had a hard time sleeping last night as the conversation between Yunhyeong and I hung heavy on my mind. Obviously, it’s my decision what I do with my marriage, but I’m thankful for the advice he gives. It’s ten times better than the crap Jiwon spews, so it’s appreciated.

Coming out of his office, I ran into the one night stand he had brought the other night causing me to nod at them. They nodded back continuing on their way to the door making me sigh as it clicked closed. He’ll surely be coming around more often, if the satisfied blush on his hurrying figure was any indicator. Why does he have so much luck in this but not in anything else? I guess, that’s just life at this point.

Heaving a shallow sigh, I made my way into the kitchen turning on his coffee maker ready to face whatever this day has in store for me head-on. Normally, I’d be at home with Jinhwan trying to figure out what we should go do for the day. Sadly, that isn’t an option right now, and I don’t feel it in me to go bothering Yunhyeong especially since he’s finally got a chance to rest. I hope he’s resting or else his injuries won’t heal – I really just want him to be happy. It seems that he’s been through a lot and it’s still tearing him apart.

“What are you thinking so intensely about? The water is overflowing.” Glancing down, I started to feel the burn of the hot water making me scream as I jumped back. “That was my favorite mug, Hanbin.”

I let go of it in my haste to get away from what was burning me, which had it falling to the ground shattering into a bunch of tiny pieces. I’ll buy him a new one, right now isn’t really the time for me to be thinking about that. Rushing to the sink, I stuck my hand under a stream of cold water, sighing in relief as he took away some of the sting. I’ll have to wrap my whole hand at this point because I only cleaned and applied ointment to my knuckles last night – the burn is under that area.

“I’ll get the first aid kit.” Nodding, I thanked the other not taking my eyes off the redness of my skin.

I must be losing my mind to not have felt my skin being cooked. What is wrong with me?

“Are you okay?” Opening my mouth, I was going to stay that I was fine, but I closed it as I wasn’t really fine deep down. “Give me your hand.”

“You don’t have to Jiwon.” Turning off the tap, he took my hand patting it dry with a towel.

“I’m your best friend, so I need to be sure that you’re okay, or else I won’t be.” I couldn’t stop my lips from trembling, nor could I stop the tears that rained down my face.

He continued to bandage me up allowing me to cry and sniffles as much as I wanted to. Yesterday didn’t seem to be enough – I don’t think this’ll ever be enough. Am I not enough? Is that why Jinhwan cheated? Is it because I’m incompetent as a husband? But I gave him everything in me to the point that there is nothing left. I have nothing left inside me to give – I have nothing. I am nothing.

Arms wrapped around me tightly, pulling me into the embrace of someone who understood me better than anyone else. He smelled like someone else, like last night, but that didn’t stop me from dropping my head onto his shoulder. It didn’t stop me from crying as if I had lost the most important thing to me, and in this moment, he was exactly that. Jinhwan is my everything but he just had to choose that son of a bitch! He had to leave me alone!

My legs became weak at the thought that I had no one which had the other grabbing for me – I still hit the ground. Falling straight onto my knees, I weakly gripped at my pajama pants trying to find the will in me to breathe. It felt like everything had just left me all at once and I can’t do anything about it. Jiwon had kneeled down as well, pulling me back into his embrace only for me to shake my head, the words not coming out. I wanted to scream, but I knew he wouldn’t have the answers for something he isn’t apart of.

“Come on, Bin, don’t break. You’re better than them; you’re better than this, so please don’t let them break you.” Nodding, I wiped at the drool, tears, and snot mixture that hung from my lips onto my pants.

He had a point. They were clearly trying to break me, and I shouldn’t let them do it. I can’t let them get the best of me – not now or ever.

Sucking in a shaky breath, I continued to nod while wiping at my face because I need to pull myself together. I’m too old to be acting like this, right? There are people who have gone through worse and here I am acting as if the world had started to crumble under my feet. As if I didn’t have anyone when in fact, I have Jiwon and my family, although I can only see one of them at the moment. I don’t even know how I’m going to face my family to be honest. I fought against them so much just so that I could love Jinhwan to the fullest, so that we could get married despite them saying that it wouldn’t last. That we were two different people trying to combine everything to make it work. It seems that they were right about that.

“Let’s lay down, okay?” He pulled me up until I was standing, albeit the shakiness in my legs never seizing.

Walking towards the couch, he laid me down tossing a blanket over me and a pillow behind my head. He turned saying that he’d go take a shower, but before he could take a step, I had taken his hand in my own. Squeezing it, I gave him a more genuine smile than the one I had given him earlier.

“Thank you…for everything.” Squeezing my hand back, he nodded his eyes disappearing in his normal smile.

“What are best friends for? Now, take a nap, so I can sneak out to get breakfast.” Idiot, you can just go without sneaking, then again, it wouldn’t be him if he didn’t.

Letting his hand go, I closed my eyes throwing my arms over my face wanting to be incased in complete and utter darkness. I want my thoughts to leave me alone just for these few minutes until I fall back asleep – just until I can figure myself out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanbin's part is smaller, but that's because he has more stuff going on in the next update - well, the next present updated.


	9. My Pretty Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to how Seungyoon and Yunhyeong met and got together - a little fluff to lighten up all the angst, I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I didn't forget to upload, so that deserves a pat on the back. Anyway, enjoy, and I'll see everyone next Wednesday or whenever I get around to answering comments.

“Yungie, can I borrow your notes, please?” Snorting, I couldn’t hold in my laughter at the fact that Haewon was begging, again.

“The bell is about to ring and you’re asking now?” His hands shook making him seem more desperate than he actually is. “You should be glad that I’m your best friend or else, you’d be shit out of luck.”

“I love you with everything in me!” Taking the notebook from my fingers, he took his seat behind me making me turn back to see him stuffing it inside that mess of a backpack.

“You should start cleaning that up. I don’t need critters in between the pages of my notes.” Disgust had run through me and I couldn’t help the shiver that ran down my back.

“As long as you get them back, then it doesn’t matter.” Swatting at his arm, the bell rang making us both stand as we rushed out the door with the rest of the students. “Oh, are you still coming over to watch the soccer game tomorrow?”

“Mhm, yeah, I don’t know why I wouldn’t.” Raising my eyebrow at him, he only shook his head tossing his arm over my shoulder.

“Well, best friend, you have a tendency to bail whenever your Hyung wants you to accompany him for whatever.” Okay, he does have a point, but I have to help Hyung whenever he needs it – I don’t want to be a burden. “Oh, if it isn’t the man, himself.”

Running out of Haewon’s arms, I went straight towards Hyung jumping on him in greeting. It’s the usual by now, so he caught me and himself with relative ease. Putting me down, my arms wrapped around him as the smile on my face only continued to grow as he messed with my already messy hair.

“Hey, Jinwoo Hyung.” They exchanged their usual greetings which consisted of them poking fun at each other. “Make sure that he’s at my house tomorrow or else, I’ll go to the café and cause a scene.”

“As long as you don’t burn it down, I don’t care.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Bye, you two.” Waving goodbye to him, he took off in a light jog not wanting to miss his bus – the one we normally rode together.

“So, why did you decide to pick me up, today?” Opening the car door, he motioned for me to get in, and of course, I did.

“Mino finally is opening up his restaurant, so he invited us to come over and celebrate with him for the evening.” Woah, Hyung actually did it? Well, that does indeed call for celebration.

The ride to his restaurant wasn’t all that far even though it was a neighborhood over from the one we all lived in. Hyung and Mino had been friends since middle school and when Hyung moved out in his last year of high school, they lived together for a minute. Mino then moved to the apartment across the hall, and in the end, I took his room because of certain circumstances. The fact that he got his business license even though we all thought he wouldn’t pass just shows how great the human mind is. It defies the already previous knowledge of friendship - amazing.

Parking in front, we got out, going to the trunk as Hyung said he brought gifts once he got off of work. Handing me one bag, he took the other allowing me to walk inside of the restaurant that had this sort of vintage but one of a kind feel to it. I was honestly blown away by all the work he had gone through that I didn’t even notice that he had come to stand in front of me.

“If it isn’t my high school baby.” Wrapping his arms around me, he spun us around rocking me a little, making us both laugh.

“Congratulations Hyung, I never knew you had it in you.” Pinching my side, I quickly apologized causing him to let go before glaring at me. “I like how you decorated it.”

“Of course, you do, that’s why when you graduate and go to college, I’ll be having you work part-time around here.” Pulling him into another hug, I thanked him for always looking out for me. “Jin, you were here too.”

“Yah!” Walking away as they did their normal bickering, I sat down at the table he had food (mainly meat) laid out on.

The sight of it instantly had my mouth watering. Sitting in front of the grill, I put on the apron ready to do my grilling duties as the youngest only to be stopped by Mino as he said that he’d do it since it’s his party. Nodding, I took off the apron helping him put it on instead before taking my seat once more as he sat across from me, ripping the plastic wrap off everything.

“Is Seung coming?” Who? That’s a name I’ve never heard before.

“Yeah, he just texted me saying that he’s on his way.” Well, it doesn’t matter since we’ll be meeting shortly anyway. “Yun, can you go to the kitchen and grab me a knife and some scissors. I forgot to grab them.”

Standing, I made my way around the counter and into the kitchen looking at the many pots and pants that hung from their hooks on this metal thing. I soon found that he already had what I was looking for out as it sat on the counter forgotten. Picking them both up, I held them with the sharp ends pointed towards the ground before making my way back out to where they sat.

“Thank you.” He started cooing at me making me gag because I’m not a child anymore. “Sit and chop these vegetables, so that I can grill them.”

Why am I such a good child?

Chopping them up, the bell above the door dinged causing the both of us to turn as we listened to Hyung’s enthusiasm at the one who I’m guessing is Seung. They soon both came into view, the knife in my hand fell clattering against the cutting board.  The only thing I could think was ‘Blonde’ and ‘Strong’; maybe, it’s because he had this strong look on his face that complimented the blonde hair nicely – I’ll just leave it at that.

“Oh, Seungyoon this is my little brother, Yunhyeong. Yun this is my friend Seungyoon, he just moved here a few weeks ago from Busan.” Snapping out of the trance I had gone into, I greeted him with a slight bow before picking up the knife and continuing what I was doing. “He’s a little shy when it comes to meeting new people, so don’t take it to heart Seung.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be best friends by the end of the night.” Pushing the cutting board towards Mino, I wiped my hands on the towel he had sitting on the table.

“Yeah, right.” I could feel his eyes on me, they were heavier than they should be, but I just ignored it. “Come, sit. Min should be done in a few minutes. I’ll grab some drinks.”

He took the seat next to me on the bench making me scoot more towards the wall not wanting us to touch. I mean, I don’t have a problem with him, but Hyung knows how I feel about meeting new people. It was even hard for me to connect with him once I moved in, so I don’t really appreciate this suddenness. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t my thing to be dictating who comes but – I don’t even know. This’ll probably be the last time we see each other anyway, so it doesn’t even matter.

“Yun, you can drink tonight, okay?” Humming, he sighed before taking a seat next to Mino.

“So, I see you’re still wear a uniform meaning that you must be younger than us. How old are you?” Picking up a carrot stick, I stuffed it in my mouth chewing loudly in an attempt to ignore him and that stupidly nice accent.

“He’s 18-years-old, Seung. I’m sorry for how rude he’s being.” The other laughed, rambunctious and baby-like, waving Hyung off.

“It’s fine. I find it rather cute.” Leaving me alone, they all started to talk about things I didn’t really care much for, I’m more concerned about filling my stomach.

I spent majority of the evening stuffing my face and ignoring everyone else. There were times I wanted to join in on the laughter, but I stopped myself feeling as though it wasn’t my place. I mean, I don’t know what they were really talking about so, me laughing would have been pointless, right?

Mino and Hyung had both become intoxicated with alcohol after being drunk off of the good mood leaving on the two of us still sober enough. The small cup of beer sat in front of me only a small amount being skimmed off the top as I’m not really all that much of a drinker. While, he threw back his glasses seeming not fazed at all by the suppressant running through his system.

“I have a little brother who’s 3 years younger than you.” The bench shook, a little, under his weight as he scooted closer to me. “I think you two could be good friends. So, how about it, hm?”

Picking up my cup, I took a long drawn out sip not really caring for this type of conversation. Why do I need to befriend your younger brother? Doesn’t he have friends of his own?

“You can ignore me all you want, that still won’t stop me from talking to you.” Grabbing my hand, he slipped the cup from my fingers tossing the rest of it back making me stare at him as if he was crazy.

“What do you want?” The moment the words left my mouth, his hand was back on my own, holding it this time in a way that had me wanting to pull away. “Why are you h-holding my hand?”

“Because I think you’re cute when you’re flustered.” Intertwining them, my heart started working overtime just to be sure that I’m still alive. “Let’s start over, okay? I’m Kang Seungyoon and I’m 21-years-old. How about you?”

“S-Song Yunhyeong. 18-years-old.” The smile he had given me had my face stretching into a smile of its own.

“Let’s get along well from now on, okay?” Nodding, he scooted over more until we were pressed into one another’s side.

~

My bedroom door opened making me sit up more at the sight of Hyung peeking his head in with a smile. Crossing the room, he sat next to me, face already tight making it known that he was curious about something. Putting my phone down, I gave him my usual undivided attention with my own smile wishing to lighten his mood a little. His smile did soften but as his eyes roamed over my face before my neck, then lower, my smile flattered. He’s being weird about something and it’s making me concerned.

“When did you grow up on me? I swear, you were just in middle school a few days ago.” Taking his hand in my own, I squeezed it wanting him to continue. “A-Are you and Seung dating?”

Choking, my heart started to beat loudly in my ears not expecting that question at all. I mean, we are close, now, after a few months of getting to know one another but dating? I don’t even think that I seem him like that. He’s my Hyung’s close friend, so it feels kind of wrong to see him as more than that, I think. He’s good looking and funny – he even laughs at my jokes, which Haewon says aren’t funny at all. At least someone appreciates my sense of humor.

“Uh, no, why?” He started to play with my hands swinging them around in odd directions.

“Oh, just curious, but if you do then tell me, okay? I don’t want you to feel as though you can’t talk to me or anything like that. I’m here for you through thick and thin; you know that, right?”

“Yeah, I do. Thank you, Hyung.” Standing, he let my hands go before leaving, the door clicking softly closed behind him.

Well, that was weird.

My phone started to ring so placing it to my ear, I was met with the loud voice of Haewon who seemed to be playing games as per usual. I need to buy him a book or something.

“Come over and help me beat this level.” Sighing, the bed creaked under my weight as I moved from the middle to the edge.

“You know I suck at video games, idiot.” He began his whining, practically begging me to come help him. “Fine, I’ll be over in five.”

“Love you.” Gagging, I hung up looking around for something to put on, which didn’t take long as I just slipped on a hoodie liking my pajamas.

Haewon lived only a building over, so the walk barely took any time at all. Pressing in the code, I greeted his parents and siblings who were always happy to see me before heading into the room where all the loud cursing was coming from. Closing the door behind me, I plopped down on the floor next to him, snatching the control making him die instantly – oops.

“Yah! Have you lost your mind?!” I couldn’t stop the laughter that came out of me from seeing how distraught he looked.

“My bad, my bad,” Collecting myself, I started the level over this time taking the lead. “Let’s do this!”

“You better not lose earlier either or else, I’m knocking you upside your head.”

My fingers moved fast not really knowing what I’m doing, but as I passed the level, I couldn’t help but feel proud. Handing it over to him, he did the next level, and once he had passed the controller was back in my hands. We played like this for a while until my phone started ringing which had me chucking the controller at him to get it. The first thing I saw was Seungyoon Hyung’s name being brightly displayed across my screen. Of course, I thought to answer it, but I decided not to, seeing as how I’m with my friend and we had talked earlier anyway. Once it disappeared, I was met with Hyung’s message to come home in an hour as he had the closing shift at the café. Responding to him, I turned back to the game taking the controller back in my hands.

“Who was that?” Glancing at him, he was on his phone typing away to someone from school, most likely.

“Hyung. I have to be home in an hour.” He hummed allowing me to fully concentrate back on the song.

The hour passed rather quickly and as we turned off the game, I stood heading towards the door with the other in tow. Saying goodbye to his family, we hopped on the elevator heading down to the lobby. My phone rang again, but I was too tired to really bother with it – I used too much of my brain trying to play that stupid game.

“I really don’t want to go to school tomorrow.”

“Wow, thanks for reminding me.” Pushing him, he pushed me back making me glare at him as he always used too much strength. “Maybe I should feign sickness? Nah, because then Hyung would likely haul me off to the hospital in a frenzy.”

“Lucky,” Stepping off the elevator, his arm had found its normal place on my shoulder. “My parents send me to school sick because my siblings try to ride my wave of sickness to stay home as well. I sometimes wish I was the youngest, like you.”

“Isn’t even all that great, idiot.” As we walked, I caught sight of Hyung making his way to his car. “HYUNG!”

He looked up from his phone with a smile on his face and a slight wave upon seeing us. Picking up speed, I jumped into the area next to him, smiling as if I hadn’t just talked to him a few hours ago.

“Well, I’m going to head back before there’s no food left for me. Bye, Jinwoo Hyung and Idiot friend.” Kicking at him, he ran off heading back inside of his building with the quickness – that’s what I thought.

“I made dinner, so eat whenever you’re hungry; also, don’t forget to do your homework, okay?” What am I a child?

Giving him the okay, I headed back inside ready to eat and take a nap before my show comes on later. As I bustled around the kitchen making my plate, I decided that now would be the perfect time to call the other back, but no matter what I was sent to his voicemail every single last time. Telling myself that he’s probably busy with work, I sent him a text to call me whenever he was free, and I apologized for not answering earlier. I really didn’t have to apologize, but I felt bad for ignoring him like that.

Hours passed as I ate, showered, took a thirty minute nap, watched my show, then prepared for bed. I did all that without a single reply which left me more than confused. He was the type to reply back quickly – I guess he must be really busy. I’ll just worry about it another time. Well, another time happened to be some odd hour in the morning causing me to scramble for my phone with my eyes closed.

“H-Hello?” Clearing the sleep out of my throat, I rolled onto my back keeping my eyes closed waiting for the Busan accent to start entering my ear.

“I want to ask you something,” Humming, I said a small okay not really prepared for anything hard. “will you go out with me?”

Sitting up, I opened my eyes glancing around my dark room as if someone was playing a joke on me. I mean, Hyung now him? This has to be a test or something, right?

“I’m dead serious. I like you a lot.” My knees pulled up situated at my chest causing my arms to wrap around them as I thought on it.

“O-Okay.” That was all I could manage as I’ve never been in this situation before, not a lot of people confess to me. “Sure, let’s do it.”

“Goodnight, or morning, whatever get some sleep, okay?” Humming, again, I hung up staring at my dimming phone screen not believing that I had just done that.

Hyung must have foreshadowed this – that’s the only reason he’d ask me something like that right? Saying that I could talk to him about anything and to tell him if we do. I wonder why he wants to know so bad? He must have his own reasons, so I’ll just tell him once we’re both awake and can fully comprehend what’s going on. I can’t believe that I just got my first real boyfriend. I hope this lasts a long time and is extremely happy.

~

Since the announcement of our relationship, everyone seemed to take it pretty well, except for Haewon. He questioned me to the moon and back about where this mysterious boyfriend had come from, and after telling him everything he somewhat calmed down. The fact that he sulked the whole time was extremely cute and as I jumped on him saying that I’d never leave him, all he could do was hum. I wanted to get mad at his lack of approval, but then I had to think back on the time that he had gotten lover’s back-to-back-to-back and I was jealous at the fact that he spent all his time with them.

Of course, we compromised in the end, just like how we’re doing now. We continued our routine of hanging out at one another’s homes after school on weekdays, and on the weekend, I spent it with Seungyoon. Those were his only days off anyway, even though, we spent a lot of them at his place I didn’t mind all that much. I got to see my Dongie, so there was no real disappointment – he’s really cute and fun to be around as well.

“Hello?!” The sound of fingers snapping in my face had me jumping back in my seat only to focus back in on Hae’s face. “The bell rung two minutes ago, and I want to go home.”

“My bad, Hae, I was thinking.” Jumping on his back, he sighed loudly but carried me out of the classroom and into the hall. “Isn’t there a soccer game coming on this weekend?”

“Yeah, why? Want to watch it together?” Standing me up, his arm found its forever place slung over my shoulder.

“That would be ideal, but I need to check which day and what time because if it’s Sunday, then you can just come over whenever.” We started to the plan the whole thing out, even coming up with alternatives just in case wouldn’t meet up this weekend.

By the time we had it all done and set in stone, we had made it to the gate ready to depart from one another. Thinking I’d see Hyung, I was more than surprised to see Seungyoon leaning against his car staring down at his phone.

“Yoon?” His head snapped up, a smile forming as his arms opened causing me to pull the other along with me. “What are you doing here? Where’s Hyung?”

“He had to work someone else’s shift, so he asked if I could pick you up since I’m going to get you later anyway.” It made sense – they worked him to death, but he’s getting the shop at the end of the year, so that’s fine. “Who’s this?”

“I forgot you two have never met.” Turning to Haewon, I grabbed his arm pulling him even closer. “Yoon this is my best friend Haewon, and Haewon this is my boyfriend Seungyoon. I hope you two get along.”

They had both fallen silent while taking one another in leaving me to wait for them to shake hands or something. In the end, I was pulled into Yoon’s embrace, his arm wrapping around my waist, the both of them still not saying anything. Am I missing something? Because I most definitely must be.

“Hello.” Yoon’s accent had seemed to get thicker as he spoke to the other making me turn to Hae ready to apologize for the awkwardness.

“I have to go pick up Junhyung and Hani. I’ll see you around, Yun.” Nodding, I sadly waved him off as he turned his back on us speed walking away.

“Why did you scare him off? Haewon is really nice and he’s -,” The feeling of lips against my own had me swallowing my words in surprise from the suddenness of it all.

“Let’s go; Donghyuk is waiting.” His breath against my lips had me swallowing thickly as my mind was now thrown for a loop. “I already got your bag for Jinwoo.”

Opening the door for me, I got in not really knowing what to say about what had just happened. It wasn’t our first kiss, but it’s the longest one as of right now and he used it to stop my distaste for the situation. I should be upset at the fact that he had done so – sadly, I’m giddier and more stuck on the fact that he had kissed me out of nowhere. Ugh, I’m an idiot.

It didn’t take long for us to arrive at his place with how fast he drives. To be honest, I think he’s still stuck in the country side of Busan when it comes to his driving, but as long as I keep my eyes on the road, we’re fine. For now. Getting out, I slung my bag over my shoulder before lightly jogging inside ready to meet my other best friend. Seung was right when he said we’d be good friends.

The other joined me on the elevator, the both of us riding in comfortable silence until we had made it to his floor. I wasted no time getting to his door and unlocking it with the code he had bestowed upon me at my last visit. Like always, I was greeted with the sight of the younger eating as he shuffled across the small opening and into the living room.

“Hyung!” He started to choke on his food upon seeing that I was coming closer to him. “Ack! Sorry, how are you?”

“I’m good, and how was school for you?” He started to ramble telling me about his day and how his friends hid his pants during gym – he got them back. “You’re having more fun than I did during middle school, especially in your 3rd year.”

“Aww, Hyung don’t worry, I’ll make the rest of your senior year fun, okay?” Smiling at him, I sat down on the couch only for a body to flop down putting its head in my lap. “HYUNG! I was watching that!”

“Last time I checked I paid the bill, so I’ll watch TV when I want to.” Slapping his shoulder, he sighed loudly before putting it back on what Dong was watching. “When it goes off then I’m changing the channel, okay?”

Donghyuk winked at me in thanks making me wink back as we had a mutual understanding. While we watched I threaded my fingers through the blonde strands that are in desperate need of some protein and moisture. I know he’s busy with work and Dong, but he shouldn’t neglect his personal care, especially after dying his hair such a bright blonde. I’ll have to tell him about it, but I’ll do it later.

“Oh, crap, I forgot! I’m going over to Chan’s house, I forgot that we were supposed to study together.” Watching as he stood, hauling ass out of here, I could only sigh as the other began to flip through the channels.

“Were you like that when you were in school?” He sat up shaking his head with an appalled look on his face.

“I’m way smarter than that idiot. If he had grown up in Busan with me instead of here with our parents, then he’ll be smarter.” Chuckling, I patted his shoulder in understanding for him to not get worked up like how he normally does. “Where are you going?”

“To change out of this uniform. I’ve been in it all day.” Going into his bedroom, I saw my bag sitting peacefully on his bed.

Digging into it, I pulled out the sweatpants and t-shirt I lounged around the house in, not seeing any real reason to be fancy. We weren’t at that stage in our relationship yet, so I’m just not worried – it’s only been a month anyway. Emerging from his room, I saw that he had taken to stretching himself over the whole couch, head being supported by the arm rest.

“So, you’re just going to steal my spot, meanie?” Crossing my arms over my chest, he looked at me with a smile on his face not taking me serious at all.

“Lay with me, baby.” A wild blush had come onto my face at the nickname that had me shyly going to him. “Hmm.”

He spread his legs giving me more room to lay down, and when I had gotten comfortable with my back to his chest, he wrapped his legs around mine. My heart was beating wildly in my chest, but I didn’t show it instead focusing on the show that he had finally chosen. It seemed to be the typical high school drama, that’s nothing like high school at all.

“Aww,” Glancing up, he had taken my face into his hands squishing it around, “my baby is so pretty. My pretty little baby.”

“Stawp~, Yoon!” I can’t hide my blush in this position.

“What? I’m telling the truth, my baby is pretty, and you’re all mine.” Rolling my eyes, I knew he wasn’t going to stop any time soon meaning that I’ll have to lay here looking like a tomato. “My pretty baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's how they got together and that's how Yoon started calling Yun his 'Pretty Baby'. Also, the Chan that Donghyuk is talking about isn't Chanwoo, they didn't meet until later on.


	10. Unworthy for Love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the present ;(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's basically valentine's day and I'm releasing sad shit...oh, well, enjoy!

Stepping off of the elevator, I was ready to be greeted with the normal bustle of our office, instead I was met with an unusual silence. Not taking it to heart, I made my way through lightly taking in the seldom looks that everyone held. They were just staring at their screens not even doing their work. They better not come to me last minute asking for stupid things. I just fixed my face up enough to look somewhat decent, I don’t need them messing it up.

Taking my seat, a shallow puff of air left my lips as I put myself into work mode. Powering up my compute, my hands began to move as if they didn’t belong to me, and soon the only sound filling the area was my keyboard. I really want to get off on time, so I don’t have to stay behind with that thing. We already spent two days together – that’s more than enough.

“Yunhyeong?” Lifting my head, I looked at Manger Kim with an indifferent expression. “Relax.”

“Huh?” At my confusion, there was a loud bang that had me jumping in my seat.

I had no time to properly collect myself because the banging of the CEO’s doors opening had everyone looking in that direction. A bustle of people filtered out many of them being board members. Everyone stood at the sound of a cane hitting the carpeted floors, and a gruff voice clearing his throat. Everyone except for me that is. I don’t know who it is, nor do I care about how important they are – I don’t even stand to greet that disgusting son of a bitch, and he doesn’t even care, only waves in spite.

Manager Kim, yanked me up out of my seat, standing and folding me into a bow. Slightly turning my head, I stared at the other through the moderate sized opening in the cubicle wall, only to see that he’s sweating. A sound of confusion and surprised had left me because he never sweated because of a person just being them. Okay, maybe it’s a good thing that he forced me down.

“As you can see, nothing is out of place, Chairman.” Chairman? “Would you like a late breakfast while you’re here?”

“No.” That was all he said before the sound of him, his cane, and the others he brought with him started to file out of our office.

The hand gripping at my back let up allowing me to stand as he soon followed, a deep breath leaving his lips. I opened my mouth ready to speak only for him to walk off heading back to his desk. Shrugging it off, I took my seat once more falling back into the headspace of work and nothing but work.

Time flew by like that, and once lunch had come upon us, I stood handing out folders for the meeting that’s coming up afterwards. No one seemed to speak on what had happened this morning more focused on the menus they wanted for lunch. I knew this company was weird. Sliding one of the last folders onto Manager Kim’s desk, he gave me the warmest smile I have ever seen come out of him – I must be hallucinating, because last time I checked he hated me with a passion.

Yup, this company is extremely weird.

Heading towards Director Kim’s office, I lightly knocked on the door hearing a loud ‘come in’ before I turned the knob stepping into the room. It was also another odd sight. The usual dimly lit room had been replaced with a bright one; the blinds were pulled all the way up, and the small part of the window that could open was open. He also wasn’t wearing his normal dark suits, instead settling for a light grey one with a blue tie – it looked good on him. I wonder what changed? We’ll likely talk about it over a meal later, so I’ll worry about it later.

“Here’s your folder for the meeting, Director Kim.” Sitting it down on the edge of his desk, he slowly lifted his head, a wide smile on his face. “Y-You look good?”

“Uh, thanks, I needed a change.” Humming, I nodded trying to not stare at the shy look that had come onto his face. “Oh, are you up for a drink later?”

“Hm, I could use a free meal. I’ll let you know by -,” My phone had gone off breaking off my words as I dug into my pocket.

‘Go home, now.’ Was all it said before it was followed with a photo of my destroyed room and something shiny in his hands.

“I-I,” At the realization of what it was, my stomach had tightened uncomfortable causing my throat to follow, “I need to go. Can I?”

“Is everything okay, Yunhyeong?” He stood at my frantic nodding and vibrating figure. “I’ll – Yeah, be safe.”

Thanking him, I ran out of his office grabbing my things and heading for the stairs like always. Jumping down them, I tossed open the door maneuvering through the lunch crowd instead of the off work crowd. My feet hit the ground hard leaving no room for me to properly catch my breath. Hopping on the subway, my hands started to sweat once the door closed, my body automatically pressing itself into the small corner of the door and seat. He wasn’t on right now, but that still didn’t put me at any type of ease.

Once the train pulled up to my stop, I barely waited for the doors to open before I was running once more, weaving through those going up and down the stairs, until I came out at the top. The closer I got the faster I ran – I ran as if I was being chased by the thing, I feared the most. Taking the steep steps two at a time, I threw open the ajar gate before calming myself down as I went towards my also ajar front door. Pushing on it, it gave way showing the mess that I had seen in the photo.

“D-Donghyuk?” It was nothing more than a whisper, my throat not allowing any more air than needed for it to be louder.

Stepping inside, the feeling of something slamming into me had my body flying across the small space and into the wall with a hard ‘ _thud_ ’. The air had been knocked straight out of me, leaving me to gasp for more than one reason. Fingers tangled themselves into my hair, yanking me away from the wall, dragging me into the mess. I didn’t struggle, rather letting him get this out since he hasn’t seen me in a while. Letting go of my head, he tossed it onto the floor causing it to harshly bounce off of the electric kettle that I used to make my hot cocoa.

“If Hyung had never met you then none of this would be happening!” Lifting his heavy feet, they crashed down onto my torso continuously until he had started to kick my sides and legs.

‘I wish he had never met me, too.’ The thought passed rolling up my tongue only for me to swallow it.

He continued to aim for my body leaving me slightly confused on why he wasn’t doing his usual terror on my face. It must be because I’m finally giving him what he wants – tears. I’ve been holding out for months on end, but there is just too much going on in my life and I just can’t anymore. A harsh sob that sounded like a scream had been ripped from me as he kicked hard on a bruise that that son of a bitch had left the other day.

“Now, you want to fucking cry! You don’t deserve to cry after ruining my life and taking the only thing I had left away from me! How dare you cry?!” Dropping onto his knees, he gripped the front of my shirt, a few buttons flying off at how tight his grip is.

I’ve said sorry to him one too many times, even though I was the one being treated like shit and beaten until I couldn’t remember the last thing I did. He watched it, listened to it, and turned his back on all of it. Why isn’t he apologizing to me? Why am I the one that always has to apologize?!

“I should do you like how you did Hyung, but I don’t have it in me to become a murderer.” His hand cocked back, slapping fresh tears out of my eyes and reddening my face even further. “I hope you rot in hell.”

I expected him to spit on me, instead he stood, hand clutching the shiny object that had me racing over here in the first place.

“D-Dongie, g-give it back,” Holding out my hand, my fingers looked deformed as they shook in wait for him to set it in my hands, “please…give…back.”

“Are you fucking serious? You don’t deserve to have it. What makes you think that you do? And stop calling me that, slut.” Biting my bottom lip, I shook my hand looking more desperate than I thought was possible – I’m already at the lowest.

The look in his eyes had wavered as he glanced around the room before taking in my crumbled figure that laid amongst it. In a second, he chucked it at me, the gold metal slapping me harshly in my neck, rolling down to rest on my arm. My eyes had found focus on what I wanted, missing the pitiful look he had given me, the door slamming after him. More tears and silent sobs filled the air as I tried to hide the pain that I’m in. No one needs to know; not like they’d care anyway.

What I’m guessing to be hours had passed with me laying still, sniffling every so often, with my hand clutched the only thing I kept with me from the beginning of all of this until now. A shy knock on the door had me pushing out a shaky breath, but other than that I didn’t answer. The door soon creeped open revealing the one who I haven’t seen in a while – the one who cleaned up his lover’s messes. He was a better version of me in many aspects, but at the end of the day, he’s just as shitty as the rest.

“H-Hyung? Are you okay?” Coughing, something splattered out of my mouth coating my tongue in the familiar taste of copper – he really did me in. “Oh my –!”

He ran around the room before slipping into the bathroom and coming out a second later with the first-aid kit that he had forced upon me when this arrangement had begun. Cracking it open, his hands moved frantically cleaning the many small droplets off blood off of my face along with the makeup I had put on to hide my earlier injuries. A small gasp left his lips, but he continued to clean and bandage me up.

“D-Did Dong give you the rest?” I couldn’t stop the laughter that came out of me at his question.

“No, I have a 32-year-old Sugar Daddy who fucks me and beats my ass. I don’t get money or anything in return, though, besides pain.” Slowly pushing myself up, I bit my bottom lip, hissing in pain until I was upright.

Disbelieving laughter left the other, causing me to stare at him until he had finished, the look on my face being a serious one. Clearing his throat, he mumbled a small apology before grabbing my shirt which had me slapping his hands away. I can do this on my own. I’ve been doing it on my own since I was little, so he can really stop acting like he cares.

“You can leave.” He stayed seated watching as I brought my closed hand to my face. “NOW!”

Standing, he headed for the door only to pick up something and turn back towards me. Sitting it down, he slipped back on his shoes before leaving me alone once more. It’s not good for me to be moving around right now, but I’ll need to clean up this mess before it becomes unbearable. Looking at my hand, I slowly opened it watching the gold necklace extend until the letters that hung from the middle of it became clearer.

_‘ Seungyoon’ _

_“What is this for?” The snow fell softly outside of the café we’re seated in. “Also, my name isn’t Seungyoon, Yoon.”_

_A small burst of laughter left his lips at how confused I am, “It’s a little too earlier to give you my last name, so for now hold onto my first name, okay?”_

_Bringing my fingerless gloved hands to my face, I blushed into them not being able to stop my idiotic smile. His hand soon took a hold of my own, pulling them away so that I could see the smile that hasn’t left his face since we entered._

_“I love you so much,” Puckering my lips, he stood leaning over his cup of coffee and my cup of coco to place a quick kiss onto my awaiting lips._

_“I love you, too, baby.”_

This life is unbearable.

(~*~)

It wasn’t the first time I’ve seen the younger launch himself out of my office, and the company, but every time that feeling in my gut had seemed to worsen. I’ll just check on him after work to calm my nerves and see if he’s still up for a drink, and his meal. Hopefully, he’ll allow me to help him if I can because I know that he’s never had anyone by his side, and as his friend I don’t want him to continue feeling that way. Maybe, I can get Jiwon to finally take the stick out his ass and become his friend as well.

Sighing, I got back to work having no plans for lunch as Jiwon said that he was going out with his one-night stand for a quickie and a sandwich. I’m still having trouble comprehending why we’re friends. My phone rang, so picking it up I took in the caller I.D that I haven’t gotten around to changing. He called and texted me, a lot, and I never responded still not ready to face him and the situation.

But I told myself that I’d change myself for the better. That I won’t let them break me. So, like the changed person that I am, I answered his call after the third ring.

“Hello?” The other end of the line held nothing but silence making me sigh. “How can I help you, Jinhwan?”

“Oh, uh, you answered. Um, my dad wants to have lunch with us in an hour, are you attending or not?” I forgot that he talks as if there is no other choice – well, he had a choice.

“Send me the location. I have to go.” Hanging up, my heart raced in my ears making me swallow thickly, my throat feeling somewhat constricted.

A knock on the door had me turning towards it to see Jiwon sticking his head in with a smile and a wink. He’s horrible at it, and he doesn’t know to wait after knocking. Motioning with my head for him to enter, he happily skipped over to my desk, pushing his new pair of glasses up his face. I don’t even know why he brought them when he doesn’t need them. Must have to do with all those fashion magazine’s that he reads half-assed.

“Do you need something?” Shaking his head, he sat on the edge of my desk leaning in closely until my eyes were about to start crossing. “Why are you being creepy? Move away from me.”

“Creepy? I’m just trying to figure out the feelings in my best friend’s face.”

“There are no feelings, idiot.” Flipping open the folder that Yunhyeong had sat down, another sigh had passed my lips because I’ll have to miss the meeting to go eat with my Father-in-law. “I won’t be able to attend the meeting, so please take good notes for me. I don’t need that chicken scratch that you had given me last time. I couldn’t even write my report until I got someone else’s notes.”

“It’s my handwriting. I tried to fix it in middle school but look at where we’re at now – 35-years-old and still writing like that.” Tossing my pen at him, it hit him in the head, a sound of pain coming the second it fell. “What was that for?!”

“For making up shit excuses.” He stuck his tongue out at me, throwing my pen across the room.

“Anyway, why can’t you make the meeting? Is it your bunny boo, again?” Raising an eyebrow, he started making these disgusting cooing noises that made my head hurt. “Yunhyeong? Aren’t you trying to jump on his train?”

Sputtering across my desk, my heart almost stopped at his implication. Jump on Yunhyeong’s train?! I only want to be friends with him. What would ever give him such an idea? I think his head really is in his ass.

“You’re not?” No, I’m not. “Oh, my bad, it’s just that you two are always together after work, you go drinking together and you walk him home. So, doesn’t that seem like you’re courting him?”

“Courting? Yunhyeong? The temp that I hired? Are you hearing yourself right now? Stop thinking with your dick for a while and actually use your brain. Even though I would rather throw myself off a bridge, right now, Jinhwan and I are still married.”

“Yeah, you’re married, and he’s been single for a while.” Okay, this friendship is one more step closer to being terminated. “Anyway, back to why you’re not coming to the meeting?”

“I’m going out for lunch with my Father-in-law and my husband.” His mouth formed a large ‘O’ before he stood slinking his way out of the room.

“Last thing, I probably won’t be coming home tonight, so don’t wait up.” Like I ever would, I value my sleep more than I value him.

Now, that he had messed up my head, I decided to just organize everything and set it aside for when I get back. I’ll just wait for the time to pass since I’m sure he’s already sent the address. Intertwining my fingers, I turned the chair so that I was looking out on the city that I usually shut out. It’s…bright. The unmoving, never changing, scenery and the sun that hung high in the sky shining down on the bustle of the city was nothing new. Nothing seems new, sadly.

Checking the time, I pushed myself up, shoulder my jacket and stuffing my phone and wallet into my pockets before leaving my office. The office had a collection of confused looks on their faces as I headed in the opposite direction that they did, but no one voiced their questions. They’ll more than likely bombard me with them when I come back, so I should take this silence in appreciation.

Once out of the company, I caught a taxi to the restaurant, regret now settling heavy on my mind. I knew we’d have to act all lovey-dovey like we normally did, but I can’t, not now. Maybe I should have declined and stayed at the company to starve? That sounds so much better than sitting here playing house when we currently aren’t in the same one.

“Hanbin, you made it?” Jinhwan had came up to me the moment I stepped through the door, hand squeezing my shoulder. “I’m glad you kept your promise.”

“At least one of us has to.” Jerking his hand away, I headed in the direction of the table that my Father-in-law sat at in wait, the other trailing behind me. “Father, it’s nice to see you, again. How’s business?”

Holding out my hand, he stood with an uninterest look, although taking my hand to shake it. We sat afterwards – Jinhwan and I on one side, while he sat alone on the other looking us over. The other sat closer like usual, thigh bumping against my own causing me to pull away slightly. I glanced around trying to find interest in the décor rather than the person who, unbeknown to him, had shattered everything inside of me.

I can say I’m fine; I can change myself; I can fake my usual smile, but that won’t change the fact that I feel like dying. I really want to throw myself off of that bridge I mentioned earlier.  

“Hanbin,” Tuning back in to the table, I met his eyes once more, “I’ll just get straight to the point. It’s been what a decade since you two have been together, and you aren’t getting any younger. Jinnie doesn’t want to move from his Director spot, and with you two not adopting any children, you’re the only choice left for taking over the company.”

Staring at “Jinnie”, he had his head down stuffing a breadstick in his mouth. This is just great, isn’t it? Continuously getting strung along must be a fun game for them to play with me. I’m not taking over anything – I like my company despite Koo being there. Plus, I don’t want the stress of taking care of a whole company instead of just a whole department, I’m fine right where I am.

“Not now, of course. I’ll allow you to get some more experience under your belt, see if you become a board member before handing everything over.”

“I’m sorry, but no, I can’t take over your company, sir.” Lowering my head in apology, I left it to see that same face of indifference. “I – We – um, it isn’t for me, sorry.”

“Oh, really?” He didn’t seem angry, but the hand clenching his butter knife told otherwise. “Well, Jinnie you’re the only choice, and I don’t want to hear any disproval against it.”

He opened his mouth ready to disapprove, only to close it upon seeing the firm look that the other was giving him. The waitress came over setting down the order they had placed before I arrived, and without anything else to be discussed upon, I stuffed my mouth in hopes of catching the end of the meeting. Well, that would be a nice idea if Father didn’t start up a conversation about children. They do it at every family gathering, every dinner, every visit – just every time, asking when we’ll do it, and that we aren’t getting any younger.

Of course, I love children and I would love to have them, but we’re both too busy to be trying to raise children. Even if we did, it isn’t going to stop the fact that Jinhwan cheated on me and probably still is. That bastard Koo has been walking around all too happy, smiling and winking at me every chance he gets as if he’s taunting me. I would rip his eyeballs out, if he wasn’t my Boss and if I didn’t fear prison.

Not the prisoner’s themselves, well a handful of them, but the prison itself. I can’t live in those conditions, especially since you never know what’ll happen.

“Dad, we already talked about this. We’re too busy in our careers to try and raise children, we don’t want them to feel neglected, again, or come to hate us. So, can we please drop this?” The pleading always got them to drop it because he always gave them these pretty eyes.

Those eyes that trapped me into a love that sucked everything out of me. Why am I just now seeing him as the temptress that everyone else already has? I’m so pitiful. I should stop pitying Yunhyeong because it isn’t right, not now or ever.

“Fine, but you two should come to a compromise and figure this out. Hanbin makes more than enough money for the two of you to live off of.” I really wish he wouldn’t bring my pockets into these talks.

“Dad…” Their eyes were on me, but I continued to eat seeing no reason to join in. “Please.”

The conversation finally ended causing silence to run its course grabbing all of us by the throat. Not like I had anything to say in the first place. Father-in-law paid for the lunch telling us to come visit whenever we’re free, causing me to force a tight smile as he climbed into his chauffeured car. Waving as the car pulled off, Jinhwan stayed stuck to my side until the car was finally out of sight, my arms jerking him away once more.

“Hanbin,” Walking away, I went to look for a cab not wanting to be around him for any longer than needed, “can you please talk to me? You ignore all my calls and text messages, so for a few minutes, please.”

“What is there to talk about Jinhwan?” Turning on my heels, he jumped back having not expected for me to do so. “I told you that I need to get my head together, and I’m only a few more steps until I reach my decision.”

“What decision? If it’s about what happened, then I’m really sorry.” Tears had come to his eyes causing his hands to reach for my own, but I moved it away before he had the chance to grab it. “I shouldn’t have, okay I understand that, but you were so busy with work and I was really lonely.”

“How about me? You don’t think I was lonely? Work isn’t a person that curls up in my arms in our bed after dinner while we talk about our days; work isn’t a nice warm home cooked meal; work isn’t my main priority, you were. You were everything to me, and the fact that you can’t see that just shows that you never cared to begin with.”

“Were? What are you saying? That you don’t love me anymore?” Scratching the back of my neck, I tried my hardest not to look at the wetness running down his face – I would break, and I can’t break.

“Are you still talking to Koo?” He shook his head, but the way how his eyes softened at the others name before hardening had given me those few extra steps. “Yeah, no, I’m sorry. I love you with everything in me, but I can’t do this.”

“What do you mean you can’t do this? I haven’t talked to him since you found out, so please don’t leave me. I love you, Hanbin.” Glancing around, people we’re glancing back making me sigh at the unintended scene that we’re causing.

“Nani, please!” I didn’t mean to yell, but I really can’t do it anymore. “Yes, you love me, but you aren’t in love with me, and if I can’t have all of you then I think it’s best to have none of you.”

Stepping closer to him, I fixed his messed up clothing before gently wiping away at the tears that covered his face. The face that had me running after him like an animal in heat the moment I first saw it. I couldn’t stop the tears this time allowing them to softly glide down my face, dripping off my chin and onto my jacket.

“Let’s end it while we’re both still stable, okay?” Grabbing his face, I placed a soft kiss to his lips before taking a step back, a small smile breaking the streams of tears. “I love you, Nani.”

Turning my back on him, a taxi had pulled up in wait for a customer, so jogging towards it I got in telling the driver to take me back to the company. As the car drove past the other, I couldn’t meet his distraught figure with my eyes or else it would make the pain worse. I wiped harshly at my face the whole ride, using my phone as a mirror to fix my appearance. No one needs to know that I’ve been crying, especially when I get the briefing from whoever Jiwon sends to do it.

Making it to the place I’m starting to hate, I paid the driver and getting out I took the stairs instead of the elevator not wanting to run into anyone. It gave me a couple more minutes to get my head on straight. I’ll cry about it when I get home – when I get to Jiwon’s home. Pushing open the door, I calmly walked towards the office and once inside, all eyes were staring at me, but my eyes were focused on the empty desk.

“Yunhyeong hasn’t come back yet?” They all shook their heads forcing a sigh from my lips. “How was the meeting?”

“I’ll brief you,” Jiwon stood, which was a surprise, and as he ushered me into my office, I knew he had a lot of questions. “What happened? Your eyes are all red and puffy.”

They shouldn’t be, because when I looked at myself my face was fine.

“Brief me.” Not wanting to speak on it, right now, I sat down at my desk, hands out in wait for the notes. “I’ll tell you later, okay? Now, brief me so I can finish my work and go home on time.”

“Fine.” Handing over the notes, I flipped through them as he talked about what had been charted, averaged, and whatnot.

As I listened, I scribbled down small things adding onto his notes, that weren’t chicken scratch this time. Once his briefing was over, I sent him out to go finish his work while I finished my own. He, obviously, was reluctant, but in the end, left saying that he had a report that he needed to write and submit to the monkey in the huge office. I would have laughed like I normally did, now just isn’t the time for it, since he ruined my life once more.

The office seemed to calm down, going back to normal after my return, and as the work day finished up there was still no sign of Yunhyeong. Putting on my coat and grabbing my bag, I left my office telling Jiwon to go ahead without me. He didn’t really question it already knowing that I’ll explain when I got back. I decided to ride the subway and walk like I’ve been doing for years until Jiwon had forced me into the passenger seat of his car saying something about his legs not being able to do that much exercise every day. Which is total and utter bullshit, but I’ll leave him alone on the matter.

Stepping off of the train, I slowly ascended the stair breaking in the fresh-ish air and bustling of those around me. The moment I met the area I was used to, my phone started to ring, and as I pulled it out, I was surprise to see that it was the missing one. Also, I was surprised that he had called me – he never calls me.

Putting the phone to my ear, I didn’t even get a chance to say anything, he just started talking, “You know the saying about love being bittersweet? I always thought that it was meant for when you’re actually in a relationship, but it’s still giving me the bitterness even after all this time. How do I make the pain go away?”

The voice that was always stable, shook, and the words that were usually filled with indifference held a vulnerability that I’ve never heard before. I could tell that he was crying by the intakes of breathes and sniffling that wove it’s way through his words.

“I-I don’t know, sorry.” He scoffed, hard, before trying to hum his sobs away. “Um, I’m getting a divorce.”

It was silent for a while causing my steps and breathing to be the only thing that echoed through the empty streets I walked since I moved here a decade ago. The streets that knew as much about me as I did them.

“It seems that we’re both unworthy, right?” He hung up leaving me to pull the phone from my ear, it dropping to hang by my side, blowing in the chilled air.

Unworthy? It was a word that I’ve never had in my vocabulary and to now have it practically whispered to me as if a curse had my throat tightening up till tears fell.

Unworthy…of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It could all be worse, right?


	11. When is it not going wrong?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yunhyeong reveals more about the past he doesn't want to remember, Hanbin is worried as per usual, while Jiwon starts to lighten up towards the younger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well, welcome back to another Wednesday filled with more sad shit. I hope you enjoy and I'll see you next update.

It was hard to re-apply my bandages as my muscles had become stiff to the point that I’m sure if I bent over, I would have snapped in half. But I changed them nonetheless and waddled my way to work. Slowly passing the spilt, I took notice of a body walking equally as slow as me, and by the way how he held his head I knew exactly who it is. The fact that he could hold his head high after saying what he said yesterday just goes to show that he really is better than me. My head would have been hung down to my shoes not wanting others to look at me.

I guess this is what they call a tenacious attitude.

“Hanbin Hyung,” He lowered his head eyes glancing around before meeting my own, a small smile coming onto my face. “Did Manager Kim kick you to the curb?”

“N-No, I just wanted to get some fresh air before going to work, so I decided to take the subway. Is that where you’re heading?” Nodding, he came to stand next to me, our steps soon falling in sync with each other. “Are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I fell down the stairs when I was rushing yesterday, so I’m a little sore but nothing to worry about.” The look he had given me was one I’ve seen plenty of times from Doctors and Nurses, and in the end, they’d all bandage me up without a word.

It would be nice if people stuck to that gut feeling of disbelief instead of brushing it all off because the other says that they’re okay. I mean, I am, but it would have been nice to feel that pressure into I broke a few years back. It would have saved us all a bunch of wasted time.

“Um, the Chairman came by yesterday, right?” Tilting his head, he gave a curt nod as if it was nothing. “Not to be nosy or anything, but was it important? I had to stand to greet him and everything, not to mention that Manager Kim was breaking a sweat.”

“It’s just his six month check with a quick meeting to go over figures, nothing to worry about, okay Temp?” Scoffing, he finally broke a smile causing me to take a deep breath as we started to head down the stairs to the underground platform. “Also, Manager Kim has a reason to break a sweat.”

“That being?”

“I don’t think it’s right for me to be telling Jiwon’s business like that.” Scanning our cards, we stepped through the gates, my head nodding as he had a point. “But the other is nosy and knows more than enough dirt on others, so it’s fine.” A burst of laughter left me as he was showing other sides to himself. “The Chairman is his ex-Father-in-law.”

“What?!” I didn’t mean to sound so surprised – it slipped out. “How is he still working at the company?”

“Although sloppy and mistake prone, Jiwon is one of the best in the company when it comes to writing up proposals and doing presentations. There isn’t really any bad blood as the Chairman doesn’t really know all the details to the divorce, so he has no reason to try and force the other out.” Well, that is true as I’ve seen Manager Kim make more than a few boring meetings more interesting than they should be. “Oh, our train is here.”

Falling silent, I followed after the other stepping into the car that should have been full, but for some odd reason it was practically empty. Even the other carts were barely full.

“Did we miss the memo to not ride the subway today or what?” Sitting down, I couldn’t help to glance around taking in the few other people that had made their way on.

“I hope not.” He sat next to me, keeping a seats distance between our tired figures.

The doors slide close and the train started to pull towards the next station leaving us in a comfortable silence. Pulling out my phone, I started to play with it taking immediate notice of how there was little to no service down here. It would be horrible if the train just stopped out of nowhere because it would be a while before we’d get out, let alone call anyone to let them know what had happened.

Not even ten minutes after that thought, the wheels were squealing, gravity slamming me into Hyung’s side as the whole train came to a stop. Apologizing to the other, I quickly caught my breath feeling as though the wind had been knocked out of me once more. I wanted to move, but my muscles had tensed even further making it hard for me to even scoot away from the other. I would ask for his help, the only thing being that I really don’t want to hear his questioning. It’s nothing more than nagging in the form of questions.

“Passengers! The train in front has stopped due to technical difficulties, so we’ll be stationed in the tunnel until those difficulties are fixed. We are sorry for the inconvenience.” The conductors voice had everyone within ear range groaning as they jumped on their phones only to groan once more.

“There’s no signal here.” Flinching, I momentarily forgot that we were stuck together. “A-Are you okay?”

“Um, yeah, my muscles just need to relax, then I’ll be moving back to my seat. Give me a few minutes, okay?” He nodded not saying anything else as I continued to gather myself against him.

When I finally felt okay enough, I scooted a seat over, a sound of pain leaving my lips no matter how slow I went. Sighing, I leaned into the seat wrapping my arm around my mid-section because I’m sure he didn’t break anything or else I wouldn’t have been able to move this morning. Maybe this is my sign that this is enough – this life is enough and will end rather soon. I, fucking, hope so. I’m tired of waking up every day to go to this job where I’m being treated like a nuisance when I only mind my business. Everyone else is a nuisance, if we’re being honest.

“Are you sure that you’re okay?” Ah, he worries too much.

“Yes, I’m fine, Hyung. Nothing is broken because I remember I got my rib broken one time and whew that was a tough six weeks.” Laughing at the not at all funny memory, I turned my head to the other to see that he wasn’t joining in. “What?”

“W-When did the abuse s-start? If you don’t mind me asking.” Well, you already know I’m a murderer, so it wouldn’t hurt.

It wouldn’t hurt, but I’m really giving him too much information about the life I really want to leave behind. There’s nobody in that life waiting for me, neither are they in this new life. I mean, can I really trust him? The last person I trusted turned out to be a devil with a halo, so how can I be sure that he’s not an angel with horns? I – I just don’t know anymore.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me.”

“My 19th birthday. That was the first day he ever hit me.” He took a sharp breath probably thinking in that way that normal people do, not knowing that the other birthday’s that followed were worse. “Don’t breathe like that, Hyung.”

“Sorry, I just never would have thought…sorry.” Why is that everyone’s first response? Why do they all apologize?

“Don’t apologize, it isn’t like you were the one beating on me in the first place.” Rolling my neck, I caught sight of a couple that clearly skipping school.

They were all over each other, laughing and smiling at one another as if the world only revolved around them. That was never the case of him and I. He was an adult busy with adult thing and partying with his work friends on weekdays, while I was the somewhat typical teenager that only saw him once we had gotten together. I gave up everything for him, and in the end, he gave up nothing for – I’m only now realizing it, huh?

“I was supposed to meet up with him when he got off work, but I had missed our meeting time by a few minutes since I was so busy having fun with my best friend at the time.” Taking my eyes off of the couple, I took to staring at my hands that were now covered in scars that should have never been there. “I rushed to get to his place once I realized that I was late, and the moment I stepped through the door, he rose from the couch looking pissed off. I apologized saying that I lost track of time and at the mention of my best friend’s name, he grabbed my head smashing it into the wall. He accused me of cheating on him with the other, then proceeded to smash my face into the wall once more, the floor, his knee, his fist.”

Snorting, I could still remember the blur of hardwood, clothes, and dry wall as my body was being flung around. Tears streaming down my face and screams falling on deaf ears as I begged him to stop over and over again.

“I blacked out, and when I came to, I was being cuddled in bed by the other who kept apologizing to me. If I had the strength, I would have pushed him off and ran all the way home, but sadly, I didn’t. He had changed my bloody clothes out for some of his and he forced my present onto my limp wrist while I was gone.” The train jerked forcing me to hold onto the seat. “I looked like the poster child for abuse, but I didn’t leave. I took his apology and told him that it was okay, and I had some fault in it, when I didn’t at all.”

“Why would you take fault in it?” Hyung’s voice had hardened incredibly, his eyes down casted, not understanding it at all. “He-He…”

“Because that’s what I knew love to be at the time. As long as the one in the wrong apologizes, then you can fix it – no, you should fix it.”

“Passengers! The train is back up and moving! We’ll be arriving at the next stop in no more than ten minutes!” Sighing, I shook my head to clear it, ready to go into this hell hole and get yelled at.

A rough, but gentle hand, had placed itself on top of the one that was still holding the seat causing me to turn towards the other to see that he wasn’t looking at me. It must be his way to comfort me without being too overbearing. Albeit not needing it, I can’t say that I don’t appreciate it. The train soon pulled into our station, the other helping me stand as we made our way off of the train and towards the stairs that led to the practically empty streets.

We’re like an hour, or more, late, and with the slow pace we’re going at, we’ll be even later. Not like I mind or anything because I’m still getting paid regardless – as long as I do the work, I get paid.

Making it to the company, we continued our walk in silence, even the elevator ride was silent, and once we made it to our floor, I hurried ahead some only to freeze as I caught someone leaning against my desk. I can’t get a break, ever. Sighing, I felt a presence next to me nudging me, the meaning of it was only something I’d understand. So, nodding, I made my way over to my desk trying my hardest to ignore the one who should be in his big office doing his work.

“You’re two hours late.” Director Kim gave the other an up and down before continuing into his office not really caring to explain. “Well, since he doesn’t want to explain, how about you do it, Temp?”

“There was problems with the subway, so we were stuck in the tunnel, sir. Now, if you have any other questions you can contact the station.” Gritting my teeth, I gave him a tight smile in wait for his response that never came. “I guess you don’t, now if I may do my job, then that’ll be great.”

Sitting down, I hissed slowly under my breath only to play it off as the chair loosing pressure from my almost nonexistent weight. He waited some, staring me over, then leaving going back into his office. The door slamming loudly behind him. The low murmur of whispers and gossip had begun, but I ignored it all in favor of saving myself the only sanity I had left.

To be honest, I can’t even completely say if I’m sane or not.

(~*~)

Entering my office, I shrugged off my coat, hanging it on it’s stand before sitting down at my desk. There were a pile of papers that’ll surely have me staying way past the time I’d like to get off. That’s life though, and it’s the life I signed up for, so I can’t really complain. The sound of a door slamming had me jumping a little in my seat, but after a few seconds and no other loud noises, I shrugged that off as well.

Grabbing a folder, I flipped it open glancing over the cover as it was a new proposal for installing solar panels out into the country side to make the cost of farm living cheaper for those that woke up way before everyone else. It’ll obviously be passed seeing as how it’ll do good for the company, so a quick glance was all it needed. Jiwon knows what he’s doing – his work doesn’t worry me.

A knock on the door had me gazing towards it, a small ‘come in’ rolling off my tongue and pass my lips. The door opened revealing the one who has been housing me for the past few weeks. That reminds me, I need to start looking for somewhere to stay now that Jinhwan and I are getting a divorce. He can keep the old home as majority of his things are in it, anyway; he can also have the car that I never drive, but he does.

“Good Morning, Director Kim,” And here we go, again. “Aw, don’t look like that Hanbinie, I just came to ask if you signed off on my proposal.”

“You know that isn’t the only thing you’re here for.” He gave me that ‘you know it’ smile, while stepping into my personal space. “What do you want to know?”

“Oh, I was serious about the proposal, but um, is that why you wanted to ride the subway today? I mean, I could have picked him up and let you two cake it up in the backseat.” He really does only think with his dick and I’m sick of it.

Signing the proposal, I handed it over to him with an uninterested look on my face, “I still haven’t received the divorce papers yet, and I already told you that I don’t think of Yunhyeong in that way.”

“Keep telling yourself that, okay? You smile at him wider than you do anyone else, not to mention that you don’t mind drop money on him to eat and drink to his heart’s content.” Why does everyone see my kindness as flirtation? He asks me in the first place and I just agree because he’s good company. “Anyhow, thanks for the signature, Director Kim, and I’ll see you at lunch. I’m getting your favorite.”

“You just want more information out of me – well, it doesn’t exist!”

“I’m getting chicken!” Closing the door in my face, I had to take a deep breath not to get up and run after him.

I can’t be strangling him in an office full of people. Grabbing another folder, I opened it ready to work until I had to be bothered with the other during lunch. He already questioned me to death last night, like when is he going to give me a break? Probably never knowing him.

Signing away at proposals and fixing others’ mistakes, I typed away heavily at my computer making sure that my schedule filled with meetings were correct. I asked Yoona to put them in, but she can’t really be trusted with big tasks, so I need to double check and make sure she didn’t double book me. I learned from last time that it isn’t fun. A sigh pasted my lips, an email popping up in my inbox and my phone lighting up with a text message. Leaving the text message for last, I looked over the email from the last person I expected to send me one. He wanted me to come talk to him in his office. For what? He didn’t fully explain. 

Standing, I looked at the message from my soon to be ex-husband as he told me not to entertain Koo’s foolishness. Telling him to mind his own business, I unbuttoned my top button before crossing the hall towards the overly spacious office. It fit his big ego perfectly, if I have to say so myself. Knocking, he yelled a ‘come in’, so stepping in I was greeted by the sight of him standing in front of the window. What the hell is this? A mafia movie? He could have stayed seated at his desk, it would have kept the perfect amount of space between us, especially with the desk acting as a barrier.

“Did you need something?” Dropping the formalities, I already had a feeling that this isn’t about work – not like he can come to me about it anyway.

“Jinnie told me that you’re getting a divorce, why?” Oh, he wants to taunt me by rubbing the affair in my fresh wound.

“You know why.” Turning away from the window, he held this huge grin on his face; I’m guessing his plan worked perfectly. “Is there anything else? I need to get back to the work that I actually do.”

“Aww don’t act like that Hanbin _Sunbae,_ can’t you talk to your Boss for a minute? We can call it catching up. Oh, I can even invite Bobby Hyung.”

“Don’t call him that, we aren’t kids anymore, so grow up.” Trying to calm myself down, I took a deep breath as my job and life is on the line if I cross the line. “I mean, he wouldn’t appreciate you calling him that. He’s reserved that for his family only, now I need to finish my work. If I may-.”

“What’s the rush, Director Kim? It isn’t like I’m going to attack you or anything. I just want to know what’s next for you, pertaining to your new single life that is.” He crossed the room leaning against the back of a chair causing me to wonder if he had lost his mind – he never had it to begin with.

“Why do you care, Junhoe? It isn’t like you’re going to be apart of it anyway.” Opening the door, I took a step out being stopped by the other’s voice.

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” Whatever.

Closing the door in his face, I went back into my office unbuttoning a few more buttons and fully loosening my tie. Shrugging off my suit jacket, I tossed it over the back of my chair, flopping down in it in exasperation. I want to ring his neck more than Jiwon’s. Another email that wasn’t business related had made its way into my inbox. It’s from Yunhyeong. He asked if I was up for a drink and a meal this weekend, and not having any reason to decline, I quickly agreed. With everything going wrong in my life right now, I need to take some of this weight off my shoulders and back – I need a breather extremely bad.

I tried to clear my head with work, but it seems that no one, not even my brain, is on my side, so I gave up. Pushing things around, I laid my head down caging it in with my arms as I tried my hardest not to breakdown. I should just roll with the punches and cry later, but it’s so hard to act like nothing is wrong when everything is wrong. When it’s all going wrong.

Old memories started to plague my mind ranging from the first time I introduced him to my parents proclaiming that we’re getting married till now. I’ll admit I didn’t do it correctly as he should have gotten to know my parents before I proposed and started all that marriage talk, but young and dumb is all it is. Even after a decade and our families mingling pretty well, I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not sad that it’s going to end like this. We were two different people from the start, and even though I never let any of that bother me or cloud my judgement, I feel as though I should have listened closer to others. I should have slowed down, take everything in, then make my decisions, but at the time I was deeply in love and didn’t care.

Oh, how I didn’t care.

The door opening had me lifting my head, blinking away tears and momentary blindness in favor of taking in the one who quickly made his way back. He held a bag like any other day causing me to stand heading over to the couch, sitting on it in wait. Setting up the table, I hurriedly grabbed a drumstick stuffing it in my mouth in hope of forcing away this lump that had began to form.

“I would ask, but I’m going to let you eat in peace, for now.” Snorting, I removed the bone from my lips that were now covered in grease.

“I was just thinking.” Taking another piece, I glanced up to meet a suspicious look. “I’m serious, I was only thinking.”

“Mhm, what did Koo say to you?” Oh, so he either saw me entering or leaving.

“Nothing.” To be honest, he didn’t say anything of relative importance other than the fact that he knows what he has done.

Jiwon sighed, loudly, bring my attention back to him for a second, “I’ll take it, but you need to stop bottling it all up and exploding at the last minute. You’re too heavy for me to be picking you up off the kitchen floor all the time.”

“Yah, that was only one time!” Tossing my bone at him, he chuckled pushing a few of the side dishes closer to me. “Plus, I’m not that heavy.”

“I know.” His expression dimmed, hand taking ahold of my wrist. “You’ve actually lost a lot of weight, so eat up. I really don’t need a skin and bones type of relationship with you and your body.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll eat more than usual.”

Lunch continued on in light chatter soon bringing me back to my thoughts. There wasn’t really anything I wanted to think about, albeit having many things to think about. A continuous string of small sighs left my lips as the other cleaned up and I went back to my desk. Telling me that he’d wait for me after work, I nodded not wanting to get caught up in the subway’s problems again. It wasn’t bad; in fact, it had given me the time I needed to calm down without exploding on the person of my anger. While also giving me the chance to ask a question that I’m sure the other wouldn’t have usually answered, or more so didn’t want to answer.

 _Because that what I knew love to be at the time._ Such a simple statement that held so much pain and misunderstanding that it baffled me.

At nineteen, he’s supposed to be enjoying the last of his younger youth before embarking on the mature youth that hits you with many responsibilities. Instead of enjoying his life, he was greeted with the feelings of a long last physical and mental pain that’ll take a lifetime to go away. It even led him to – ah, it’s none of my business really. I shouldn’t get myself worked up on other’s lives and problems.

Going back to my work, I did it thoughtlessly until work had come to an end. Packing and gathering my stuff, I shoulder my jacket before leaving my office to see that Jiwon and Yunhyeong were the only two left. Jiwon was already ready to go spending his waiting time staring at the other who continued to do his work despite work ending for him hours ago. Clearing my throat, they both turned towards me a smile coming onto Jiwon’s face almost immediately.

“Let’s go, I was thinking we could stop and get something to eat. What do you think?” Humming, I shrugged taking a mental note of how much fast-food/take-out we’re eating.

“Yunhyeong aren’t you going home?” He gave me a slight nod, a look of pain passing on his face. “Are you okay?”

“Ah, yeah, sorry.” Forcing himself to stand, he shook causing him to fall to the ground, knocking over the chair and a few of his belongings. “Shit.”

Rushing over, I picked him up while Jiwon fixed the chair and his stuff, and even though I shouldn’t have I couldn’t stop myself. Taking ahold of his slightly pushed up shirt, I moved it up the rest of the way taking in the many fresh bruises that littered his torso along with older ones. Jiwon and I both gasped, before getting our selves together, knowing that he needed medical attention, or else his pain would get worse.

“I’ll start the car and call a friend to see if he can take a walk-in.” Mouthing a thank you to him, he winked at me rushing out of the office and towards the elevator.

“You’re an idiot, Yunhyeong. Why didn’t you say it was this bad earlier?” Picking him up, I put on his coat buttoning it up so that he’d be warm while we wait.

“I -,” He cut himself off, eyes glistening with tears I’ve only seen one time before.

Sighing, I tossed him onto my back trying not to stumble as I stood, and once we were secure, I took his bag in my hand with my own. Getting on the elevator, we rode down in almost silence because he kept sniffling and mumbling in my shoulder. It was all things I couldn’t make out even with him so close to my ear, so I decided to ignore it in honor of his mental state. I know he wouldn’t like me pushing for answers. I realized a while ago that he’ll do it when he wants to or he’s never doing it all.

Arriving in the carpark, Jiwon was already waiting on us with the backdoor opened and the engine running. Helping me put the other in the back, I closed the door getting into the passenger seat allowing him to take us to whoever this friend of his is. Maybe, I should have paid closer attention to Jinhwan’s connections – well, it doesn’t matter now.

He had taken us to this clinic which looked really expensive; I mean, I was expecting like the ER, but this works as well. Helping the other inside, we were kindly kicked out of the room causing us to sit down in the lobby as the other got his check up.

“It’s after hours, right?” No one else was here besides us and his doctor friend.

“Yeah, I made him turn around and come back.”

“What’s in it for him?” He sent me a wink that had me turning away at the meaning. “I hope it isn’t anything serious. He’ll probably be out of work for a while, right?”

“You really care more than you should.” Now really isn’t the time to be doing this – it really isn’t. “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but you keep saying you don’t care only to care in the end.”

“I never said that I don’t care. I said I don’t have these so called feelings that you think I have for him. I’m concerned, that’s all.”

“Okay…” The conversation died there leaving us to start talking about work and other things not pertaining to the situation right now.

An hour had passed with the two of us sitting there chatting and eating the candy on the table that was sat out for tomorrow. We didn’t eat too much, so I don’t even think anyone would notice. The doctor came out nodding for us to follow him back to the room, and we did just that. He stopped us a few steps away from the door turning on us in pure professionalism, a sigh, and a shake of his head, even going as far as stuffing his hands into his pants pockets.

“Nothing is broken and no internal bleeding, thankfully. A lot of bruising, though, but he won’t tell me where it came from so nothing can be done on that end. I’m surprised he could even drag himself to work and move around all day with how tense his muscles are – he’s stronger than he looks, I’ll give him that, but it isn’t always a good thing. He should stay home for a few days, relax his muscles and take care to be sure that nothing worse happens.” I should have told him to go home when I saw how he was holding his torso this morning. “I’ve prescribed him some pain killers, and if it gets worse, come back and I’ll work on him, okay?”

“Thanks, Hyunsik. You’re a life saver.” They started to flirt or whatever, so pushing past thing I went into the room to see the other still laying down, his eyes closed and breathing steady.

“Sleeping?” Shaking his head, he slowly opened his eyes meeting my concerned ones. “You’ll have to take a few days off, doctor’s orders. Also, I won’t press you, so just be careful from now on, okay? We don’t need you losing your job from missing too much work.”

“Mhm, thank you.” I can’t get used to him saying it, I really can’t.

“We’ll take you home, so hop on.” Helping him sit up, I gave him my back for him to climb on, the other grunting and holding in his screams of pain.

Once he was situated, I came out gagging at the two who were pressing one another into the walls. Jiwon got the message that we needed to go, so telling the other he’d call him, we left heading back home. I knew it would be hard for the other to walk up those steps, so when we arrived, I carried him up with Jiwon steadying us from behind. Entering the string cheese gate, Jiwon ran around us pressing in the code that the other gave him and as the one in front he entered only to turn around, glaring at the one on my back.

“You can’t sleep on the floor in your condition. You can take my bed for tonight and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“J-Jiwon?” We were both confused at the sudden consideration that the other suddenly had given, especially after all the shit he’s spew against the other.

“What? You’re not the only nice one in this friendship!” Snorting, I nodded allowing him to have his moment hoping that he won’t try and hold it over anyone’s head, especially mine.

“Is that okay with you?” Not wanting to invade on his personal space for much longer, I had to be sure that it’s okay with the other.

“Do I really have a choice?” He had a point, which is that knowing Jiwon he didn’t. “Let’s go, I feel like dying. Ha, when don’t I?”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Why? It’s the truth.” Stopping on the last step, I turned my head catching the indifferent look on his face.

“It might be the truth, but you should value you yourself and your life more. People will miss you when you’re gone, you know that right?”

“Who in their right mind would miss me? My Hyung would more than likely dance on my grave, so don’t try and tell me bullshit, Hyung.” Sighing, I dropped it not wanting to argue him down about something that I know for a fact is true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback next chapter ;)


	12. More Than You'll Ever Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback of Binhwan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating it so late, I've been busy with things and I haven't gotten around to finishing this chapter earlier. I hope you still enjoy and see you next Wednesday!

“Are you sure about this, Bin? I mean, I haven’t met your parents before and now, we show up to tell them that we’re engaged, it doesn’t seem right.” Turning off the engine, I turned towards the other with a reassuring smile on my face.

“You’ve met my sister on countless occasions, and you’re really all I talk about whenever I come home, so I wouldn’t worry. They know you as much as I do, well a little less.” At my implications, he slapped my arm seeming to calm down at my words. “Come on, they’re waiting on us.”

Getting out of the car, I went in front of the hood waiting for him to get out, so that we could intertwine our fingers together. I’ll never get tired of the feeling of his smaller hand in my larger one. It was one of the greatest things about my life so far, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything - I wouldn’t trade him. Not to mention the fact that he’s wearing the ring I brought him with some of my first check makes this feeling inside of me even better. I love him, a lot.

Once his hand was secured in my own, I moved us towards the elevator bouncing on my feet in excitement at the fact that we’d be a family. I’ve already met his mom, not so much his dad as the elder is more so always busy with work, but soon everyone will be acquainted and waiting on the marriage. We’ll probably wait a while before we get married as the engagement is already out of nowhere for others; plus, I don’t mind if we do it in the next few days, months, or years, I’m fine with anything at this point.

“Calm down, it isn’t that big of a deal, right?”

“You say it as if we aren’t engaged,” Huffing, I stuffed my free hand into my pocket trying to calm myself down. “I – I’m excited that’s all.”

“I know, and you look so handsome when you are, but save that look for me, okay?” His wink would have sent me jumping onto him only if we weren’t in an elevator with cameras, and others that were getting on.

“Well, let’s not waste time, then.” Coming to the floor, I pulled the other behind me heading towards the door at the end of the hall. “I think I’ll ring the buzzer instead of going straight in.”

Pressing said buzzer, I stepped back in wait listening to the sound of hurried feet making their way to the door. It didn’t take long before it was being thrown open the face of my little sister greeting me with a smile. Flashing her one in return, she looked next to me taking in the person she’s saw more than should have been required. Giving her smile to him, she motion for us to come in, yelling to my parents that we had arrived.

“She’s as lively as ever.” I mean, what do you expect from a teenager that knows I’m bound to slide her money if she asks for it.

“Just be glad you never saw her with an attitude.” Chuckling at my own words, we came into my parents view causing me to release his hand in order to greet them. “How have you guys been?”

“You talk to us yesterday, Bin.” Stepping out of my mom’s embrace, I glanced at the other to see that he looked somewhat surprised? “This must be the infamous, Jinhwan, correct?”

“Ah, yeah, come here, Nani.” He was all shy looking even smaller than he is as he stepped closer to us. “Mom, Dad, this is Jinhwan, my fiancé.”

The look of shock that came onto their faces at the word ‘fiancé’ was expected as we are kind of springing this on them out of nowhere. This is also their first time actually meeting, and although they talked on the phone from time to time, it’s different.

“Y-Your what? Since when?!” Taking a small step back, I was suddenly reminded of all the hits that connected during childhood and adolescence.

“Oppa proposed like three days ago. That’s why they’re here.” Glaring at the other who was walking around with a donut hanging from her lips, she shrugged at me. “What? It’s the truth.”

“Hello Mother and Father, it’s great to finally meet you.” He got down on his knees doing a big bow to my parents despite the gaunt looks on their faces. “I’ll be in Hanbin’s care as he will be in mine from now on. I hope we can all get along and be happy together.”

“Ah…yea-yes, let’s get along from n-now on.” Mom is already warming up to the idea; I knew everything was going to be fine. “Uh, I’ll go make some t-tea.”

“Thanks, mom.” Her hand cocked back, slapping the top of my head hard and fast before she hurried her way into the kitchen. “It h-hurts, but I’m going hold this pain in.”

“Told you.” We can worry about that later, now really isn’t the time.

After tea and some prodding from my parents, everything had seemed to even out in a way. There was no longer evident shock instead being replaced with a will to understand everything that was going on. I knew it was going to go well, but this is way better than I expected meaning that there should be no problems when our families meet for the first time – hopefully.

“So, Jinhwan Oppa, do you cook? Because I need help making a dish for my home economics class, and Mom said she’d be too busy to help.”

“I don’t know how to cook.” My sister’s face fell at his words, confusion soon filling her face. “Sorry, I’ve never learned, but I do know how to make ramen.”

“Ah, no thanks, I eat enough of that. I’ll just go over Yujin’s house and work with her and her older sister.” She scurried off to her room but not before throwing me a look that said I was sure to starve.

“You two live together, right?” Nodding to my dad’s words, he sighed heavily. “Is the workload being split evenly?”

“For now, since I get home earlier than Nani, I mainly do the cleaning while we usually eat out for meals.”

“But don’t worry father, once our schedules line up, I’ll be sure to help around the house more.” Giving his merit, my parents both sighed with slight shrugs already knowing that it would be best to swallow whatever they had to say. “If you guys are free next weekend, we can go out to eat at one of my mother’s restaurants?”

“Oh, is it a family restaurant?” At least they’re trying to find common ground.

“It’s the Greenhouse restaurant chain.” At the mention of one of the famous, and expensive, restaurants in the city their mouths fell in shock. “My dad gave built it for my mom since he’s always so busy with running the company. Do you guys know Kim Cor. Trading?”

A slight nod was all it took for him to go on a tangent about how his grandfather built the company from the ground up and how it was passed onto his father once he graduated from college, so on and so forth. By the end of his speech, the room was silent, and all eyes were on me – I might have left out the fact that he comes from an upper-class background on more than one occasion. But it’s not like we’re bad off – upper middle class is more than enough. I just didn’t want them to look at him any different from how they saw him before. He already said that he was going to work his way to the top and not take the easy route which is more than enough for me as I’ll be doing the same.

“Well, look at the time, we need to be heading back. Work starts earlier in the morning.” Laughing nervously, I stood stretching some preparing my body for the drive back to our place.

“It is getting late. Next time stay for dinner, okay?” We both agreed as we collected ourselves before heading towards the door. “Drive safe, and call me when you get home, okay?”

“Yes, yes, we will, good night.” Stepping out into the hallway, I waved to them one last time as the door closed with fluid ease. “That wasn’t so bad, right?”

“Right~, you getting hit in the head countless times was a good thing.” If we exclude that then, yeah it went pretty decent.

~

One of the happiest days of our lives had come and went by faster than we would have thought. The glitz and glam of a wedding that his parents paid for in its entirety had been a large one filled with flowers and champagne. At the end of it all, my side of the family was thoroughly surprised and had threatened me along the lines of ‘Don’t mess this up blah blah good money blah’. The money is honestly a bonus as Jinhwan himself will always be the best and main course.

We took our honeymoon in the overcrowded city of love spending great amounts of time watching the city move around us while we ate or indulged in one another. So, when it was all over and we had moved into a better place, it wasn’t unknown that work would coming hailing down on us. We both worked from sun up till sun down to catch up with our own teams which meant that even though still in our honeymoon phase, we rarely saw one another.

Except for today. I had the day off and he went in the afternoon, so we had the whole morning to act like the married couple that we are. Waking up early, I made us breakfast not wanting the other to burn the place down trying to do something that he isn’t familiar with. Once the table was set, I made my way back into the bedroom taking in his sleeping form that was curled around the pillow I had abandoned a few minutes earlier.

“Nani? Let’s eat before the food gets cold, okay?” He groaned swatting at me as I rolled him onto his back. “If you don’t get up, then I’m going to get a bucket of water.”

“No water, please.” Finally opening his eyes, he stared up at me with a tired looking smile. “Good morning, husband.”

“Morning, smaller husband.” Chucking the pillows at me, I ran out of the room wanting to protect myself. “Hurry or else the coffee will be cold!”

“Shut up!” Taking my seat across from the other plate I had set out, I put my mug to my lips softly sipping on the still piping hot cup of caffeine. “I tried to be all cute for you and I get called small in return. I am not small!”

“Fine, I’ll redo it.” Looking up from my drink, I took in his figure that was adorning a shirt that was way too big for him and underwear that he had thrown on in a haste – they looked backwards. “Morning, my cute little husband.”

“I’ll take it this time, but next time I don’t want to hear anything about me being tiny, small, little, and any other word that equates to those three words.”

Nodding, I hid my snort with my cup as I motioned with my free hand for him to take his seat. Once he had sat down, the atmosphere had become sweeter and shyer as he kept complimenting me on the food that I luckily didn’t burn. The conversation soon turned to the work that we rarely talked about with each other because even though our companies specialize in two different things, but there is still some competitiveness.

After breakfast, he offered to wash the dishes which had me more thankful than I’ve ever been. I’ve cleaned and cooked to the point where I’m tired of doing so, and the only reason I do it is because he gets home later than I do. I think it mainly has to do with him working at his dad’s company rather than working for a different one like how I did.

Sighing, I disguised it as a yawn as I made my way to the couch stretching my body over it. Turning the TV on soon after, I flipped through the channels not looking for anything in particular. There’s actually way too much stuff to watch on TV nowadays and although I find majority of it boring or played out, I’ll still click on it from time to time. I need to be up with it as to not get left behind. Settling on some weekend drama, the main character were in the midst of a heated confession that had momentarily caught my attention.

“ _Why can’t you love me back?! I love you with everything in me, but you won’t give me the time of day! Why?!_ ”

“ _BECAUSE I’M AFRAID THAT YOU’LL LEAVE ME!_ ” The feeling of a body laying on top of mine broke my attention from the screen to be greeted by the other’s face that was turned onto the drama.

He smelled like the shower he took before jumping into bed last night, so leaning in I took a deep breath causing his skin to raise some. An idea had entered me at the sight of it, and being one to act upon my thoughts, I held him tightly against me pressing my lips into his skin.

“What do you think you’re doing, Mister?” Acting innocent, I continued to repeatedly press my lips into his exposed collarbone making my way up until I reached the middle of his neck. “Ah, don’t leave any marks, Bin.”

“Mhm, why not? We’re married.” Sucking on the skin, I did it rather lightly still waiting for a logical response on why I shouldn’t.

“B-Because I have a m-meeting to attend when I get there.” Hmm, still not enough.

“Wear a turtleneck then.” Leaning up, my hands traveled up under his shirt running over the skin that I haven’t seen in a while. “You feel so soft. Are you using that stuff your mom gave you?”

“Duh, I can’t have my skin going bad before I’m thirty or else it’ll stay that way.”

Removing my head from his neck, I made quick use of opportunity to connect our lips together hoping to pull him into a heated situation. Then, it’ll lead to something even hotter which would be a good morning overall. Well, nothing seems to be on my side as his phone started to ring extra loud causing him to push me away running into the bedroom.

“Hello…Huh...Does the rest of the team know? Mhm, I’m on my way, okay? See you in five minutes.” The sound of things moving around had me sighing in annoyance. “Bin, I have to go but I promise to be home by dinner, okay? I’ll even buy the ingredients you need.” Speeding past me to put on his shoes, I took in the blur of a turtleneck. “Love you, bye!”

“Yeah, bye.” The door had long since closed leaving me in the silence of our home – well, besides the commercial that was screaming about some shampoo.

Laying back down, I raised my hand high in the air spreading out my fingers taking in the ring that adorned my finger. “I, now, pronounce you husband and husband! Yeah, right.”

I never knew for marriage to be less plentiful than our dating life, but I can understand because of how demanding our jobs are. It’ll get better – it’ll surely get better as time goes on, we just need to settle into our routine better. I’m sure our parents went through the exact same thing. I’m sure of it.

~

“Let’s get that!” Staring through the crystal clear glass, I took in the outfit that didn’t really look all that great. “We could even match. What do you think?”

“Ah, yeah, sure, let’s get it.” Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I allowed the other to drag me into the store watching as he excitedly asking the clerk about the outfit.

We’re on a date for the first time since we’ve been married which has been a few months give or take. Our schedules finally evened out and our off days began to line up with each other, so we jumped on the chance to spend our days how we used to. Which consisted of eating, watching a movie, and now late night shopping while drinking these sweet drinks that he adores. I’ve never fully gotten into them, but they taste good, so I usually drink as much as I can before I can’t stomach it any more.

“Bin, go try this on.” Taking my drink from me, he handed me the shirt that was not my style at all. “Come out and show me once it’s on, okay?”

My eyebrows jumped as a form of an answer. Leaving him to chat with the girl about things I didn’t know about nor care for, I entered the changing room. Coming back out in under five minutes, the shirt was kind of tight, fitting my form in a way I’ve never been a fan of. You can see every single last muscle and detail of my upper body in this thing.  

“Wow, you look hot.” He gave me two thumbs up, the clerk giving me a rather pleased look. “Let’s get it, hm?”

“Ah, Nani, ehh,” Placing his hand on my shoulder, he looked up at me with those pretty eyes that he knew I couldn’t disagree with. “Fine. How about you?”

“Definitely!” Going back into the changing room, I put back on my shirt and coat coming out faster than I had gone on. “We’ll get those two and these.”

“I’ll ring those right up for you.”

I’m never going to wear that shirt outside, so I don’t even know why I gave into it. Maybe to the beach or whenever we visit his other family in Jeju – those are the only plausible choices. Since it was his idea, he said that he’d pay for it, so I took the bags leaving the store with a regretful look on my face.

“I love you even more than I’ve ever did. I’m glad that you’re my husband.” A blush had come over my features at how sincere his words had sounded.

“Uh – I love you, too.” I love him more than he’ll ever know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, suddenly remembered! I'm doing a smut chapter (a more deeper in-depth one(?)) for Seunghoon/Yunhyeong and I was wondering if you'd guys want one for Yunjun since they have their thing going on?


	13. Is it not believable?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the present :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Wednesday = another update! 
> 
> Next Wednesday, I'm going to see iKON at SXSW, so I'm planning on updating Monday instead and Misty Eyed will be updated Tuesday. Other than that it should be every Wednesday and Thursday, if my new job doesn't interfere with my uploading schedule. As per usual, enjoy and I'll hopefully see you Monday!

Waking up to the sound of typing, I, for a second, thought that I was still laying on the floor in the office with my things scattered around me. But a forced sigh had me reconsidering as the flow of light that casted itself over my eyes wasn’t in the offices favor. I don’t even think we’ve been opening the blinds that much since winter had gotten heavier. Everything has gotten heavier if we’re being completely honest, but another worry for another time.

Slowly opening my eyes, I was met with a window with its blinds wide open, a side table, and a lamp that rested in the corner opposite from the one by my head. Turning my head, I couldn’t help but to flinch at the sight of Hanbin Hyung who seemed to be pretty frustrated with whatever he was working on. I stayed silent watching him until I couldn’t as I took in the casual look that made him look more down to earth and less stuck up. He also had on glasses which was different as it was something that I don’t think many people have seen.

“M-Morning.” It came out like a whisper which had the sound of fingers on keys stopping.

“Did you sleep okay? I know Ji’s bed isn’t really all that, but the sunken middle is a comfortable spot to sleep. Especially when you’re by yourself.” Turning my head, I looked at him once more taking in the worry that’s always on his face when he’s with me.

I wanted to say that it’s the best sleep I’ve had in a while – that it’s the first time I’ve gotten more than eight hours of sleep, but I didn’t. Instead, I gave a small nod before focusing my attention on the cracks in the ceiling. I don’t need him pitying me more than he already does.

“Why aren’t you at work?” After going to bed alone last night, I expected to wake up to an empty home that would leave me to struggle around as I didn’t really know the place.

“I can’t leave an injured person alone knowing that they can’t and aren’t supposed to be moving.” He sighed a little lighter this time causing to almost sound like laughter. “I took a few days off to help you, and this is the thanks I get.”

Scoffing, my default answer was about to make it’s way out of my mouth, but I swallowed it whole with no chance of letting it back up. I need to learn how to take others’ words for jokes and concern instead of always getting defensive. I should at least change some if I’m going to be stuck in this life that I want to leave more than anyone else.

“Mhm,” Leaving it at that, a joke had entered my brain, but I kicked it away not thinking that now is the right time to say it – the other almost had a heart attack yesterday with a similar joke.

Silence had fallen over us; his work being pushed aside although the fully lit screen showed exactly what he had been working on. If he was going to work, then he should have just gone to that company and worked there. It would have given me enough time to run away like how I always do. I don’t know why, but recently I haven’t done much running, rather going with whatever comes my way. I’ve seemed to have lost my original proposition on this second life I’m living.

“D-Do you need anything? Water? Food?” Shaking my head, I knew that if I ate or drank anything then I’d have to get up and try to use the bathroom which is a pain I want to hold off for as long as possible. “Can we talk about what happened?”

“What happened when?” I knew, but I don’t really want to talk on it.

“What happened for you to be like this? I know, I step back a lot so that I don’t seem imposing, but I’m starting to become extremely concerned at this point. So,” He took a deep breath, it shaking my core as I pushed back this vulnerable feeling that ran inside of me, “can you please tell me? I won’t say anything to anyone else, if that’s what you want, so please.”

“Nothing happened. I told you I feel down the stairs and injured myself, let’s leave it at that, okay?” Forcing myself onto my side away from him, I bit my lip holding in my small scream of pain at my sudden movement.

“I – Fine, let’s run with that narrative for now, but just know that I know stairs don’t leave bruises that look like the bottom of a shoe.”

“It’s great that you know, now what?” Slipping into the beginning of my defense, I stared at the cover as I played with it between my fingers.

“I just want to help, Yunhyeong.” I’ve heard such bullshit so many times only to get zero help in return – I don’t need anyone, nor do I need their fucking help.

“Shouldn’t you be more about your divorce and the fact that your Boss is rubbing it in your face?” It slipped out not giving me any time to stop myself. “I – mhm.” I wanted to apologize, but I’m tired of apologizing, even when I need to.

Another heavy sigh was all I got before the floors began to creak under his feet as he made his way out of the room, the door being left wide open. I wasn’t expecting him to just leave being used to some using violence or even nastier words to get back at me. A few even using my past as ammunition to my already bullet ridden body. I’m always adamant on how I can’t catch a break with others, and now that someone isn’t spitting on me, I don’t know how to act.

Ugh, so this is what it’s like? Yoon would be having a field day with my ass, and right now, I’d prefer that isn’t of the quiet that is leading to these weird thoughts. Are my thoughts even considered normal? Probably not.

Closing my eyes, I stared into the darkness of my lids listening in wait for something to happen. My phone rung and I ignored it, the ringtone told me that it was no one important, so I left it at that. The ringing soon died back down to the silence I was slowly getting used to without realizing it. It wasn’t complete silence, the other’s shuffling sounds acting as a ground point to let me know that I’m not fully alone - physically. Mentally, I’m stuck in a box by myself watching old tormenting memories on repeat, and that will never change.

“I brought your painkillers and some water. You can eat in an hour, okay?” Flopping onto my back, I shyly reached out my hand the other meeting more than halfway as to not put any pressure on my muscles. “Do you need help?”

“I can feed, clothe, and bathe myself.”

“Okay.” A faint smile covered his face watching as I swallowed the pills and water, even reaching out to wipe the water that spilled from the corners of my mouth.

And I let him. Why? Because, it’s sort of my apology for saying what I did. Deep down, I know it isn’t right to not express my feelings properly, but it’s all reflexes at this point. I’ve been programed to do the opposite of what I want and if I don’t then it calls for punishment. Crying, speaking when not spoken to, unnecessarily raising my voice, flinching, and anything else that had to do with not being pliant resulted in the holes in most of my memories. I only apologized when told to, and when it was implied, I allowed the other to do as he pleased letting him know that I’m accepting his presence once more. Although, his presence never left in the first place.

“W-What are you doing on the computer?” I took a quick glance at the now black screen in hopes that the quiet wouldn’t start up the earlier conversation.

“Ah, apartment hunting. I’ve actually been up since Jiwon left talking to a divorce lawyer and a few landlords in between me doing whatever work I thought to leave for today. It’s actually the first time my eyes have been away from the screen for a while.” Humming, I nodded trying to not think of stupid things – I need to stop being stupid.

“Are you staying in this neighborhood?” My voice had dropped down to a whisper already feeling the teasing that was sure to come.

“That would be nice, but I’ve been thinking of a change of scenery.” Oh, well that’s different. “I’ve been in this neighborhood for a little over a decade. I’ve watched it grow, and I’ve been here through the few hard times that had hit the community; and although I’ve been through all that, nothing had really changed for me. I do the same things every single day without break – I need to start living my life, again.” The look he threw at me once done had basically said, ‘You need to do the same.’.

A hiccup like sigh had my body unconsciously tightening up, my eyes watering to show that I was actually crying for once. “You know, at times like this, I wish…mhm, I wish to be rid of this godforsaken life. The fact that I can hate myself to an unimaginable extent without an ounce of care pricks at me all the time and I ignore it all. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“STOP…please, stop saying that you want to die! What about those that’ll miss you, hm? Can’t you think of them a little and continue fighting?” Scoffing, he sounded like a useless life coach – maybe if he was there three years ago, then everything would have been different.

“No one will miss me, and you just don’t get that. I’m seen as nothing more than a burden to others, Hyung.”

“You’re not a burden to me, though.” Here we go with all this sentimental lying, that isn’t needed at all. “I’m serious. I find your company very pleasurable.”

“The first and the last, so thanks, I guess.” Closing my eyes once more, I wished my tears would dry up so that we can act like this never happened.

“I surely can’t be the fir-,” Groaning, loudly, I cut him off because he really didn’t get it and it’s pissing me off.

“You are, okay?! So, just shut up about it!” More tears fell, staining my face and the pillow that doesn’t belong to me. “Do you want to know the real reason I stuck with Yoon despite him beating me half-to-death almost every other day? It’s because I was afraid of being abandoned, again. I haven’t lived a day on this earth without being abandoned or having the feeling twisting in my gut before it actually happened. My parents were the first, my best friend had gone next, then I was constantly calling to be saved by those who knew. I was being abandoned and left to fend for myself until the very end, and I’m tired of it.”

My throat had tightened uncomfortably making me choke on my words. The room seemed to spin, and my hands shook at the strong emotions running through me.

“No one has ever truly liked me. They’ve either only been by my side because they want something from me, or they were forced to be there. If they really cared about me then none of them would have left! They would have truly loved me and saved me, but they didn’t, and they’ve never did.” Gnawing at my bottom lip with my two front teeth, I took a deep breath sucking up the snot that threatened to run amuck on my face. “I just – I-I think I need more time to myself, can you leave.”

He wordlessly stood walking away from me once more. A part of me wanted to stop him, beg him not to leave and that I was lying, but the part of me that knew better sent him away as wordlessly as he left. Trying to calm myself down, I sniffled from time to time while taking deep breathes. I really need to breakdown before I break and fuck up again.

I am a fuck up.

(~*~)

Stepping out of the room, I softly closed the door behind me listening to the other try and calm down the sobs that he didn’t even know were raking through him. I shouldn’t have pushed – I should’ve stayed silent and let the topic fade, but I couldn’t. I don’t know why, which leaves me to only be angry at myself. I’m such an idiot. I saw the line and crossed it without realizing it until it was too late – his tears were already flowing by then.

Slapping my lips, I moved to walk away knowing that the couch would be the best option until the air had calmed down. I’ll wait until he’s ready to accept me once more, no matter if it takes all day or the rest of the off days that we have. I don’t want him to feel like that anymore. As a friend, I think it’s only right for me to be there for him no matter what he’s going through. Those that have left him clearly do not understand how important relationships are for the foundation of the rest of ones life. Ugh, I’m starting to sound like my dad.

“If -,” His voice was quieter than it was when he was yelling at me, but I had caught the first word nonetheless, “If those guards didn’t keep stopping me, then I would have gladly been maggot food by now.”

So, he really t-tried it before? And on more than once occasion?

My heart sank even further as I walked into the living room, throwing open the balcony door, and leaning against the wall that acted as a railing. Although only a little after noon, the streets were mainly empty besides the bustle of people I could make out on the main road. Taking a deep breath, a few stray tears ran down my face. I know I shouldn’t be crying, let alone feeling the need to apologize to him, but I just can’t help myself. I must really be getting old for me to crying as much as I am.

Imagining how lonely he must have been, or still is, hurt me. He’s always holding this look of saying that I’d never truly understand, and he’s right, I won’t. I’ve never took friends leaving me as abandonment; I’ve never been beat within an inch of my life; I’ve never been taken for granted; I’ve never been truly sad over my life until now. It’s been 35 years and I’ve spent 25 of them as a free spirit running to pay my parents back for all they’ve given me. I’ve been playing the game of life how I wanted and it’s the first time I’ve met someone who’s never had the chance to do so.

He’s been forced into this mold and left way past his allotted time, so now, he doesn’t know how to break free. He’s a bird whose wings are repeatedly being broken before they even fully heal.

The not at all distant sound of ringing, had me quickly wiping my face before pulling out my phone. “Hello?” I was soon met with the voice of a landlord that I had called earlier asking them to get back to me once sent to voicemail.

We talked for a while, setting up a time for me to come and check the property out, and once I hung up, I was alone again. The thoughts of earlier trying to make me sad once more. Deciding to do something, I went back inside softly closing the door cutting off the supply of cold air that was becoming crispier the faster spring approached. Going into the kitchen, I looked at the meal that I had cooked for the other and putting it in the microwave I warmed it up. It might not be as good as it once was when it was first done, but he needs to eat.

Knocking on the door, I didn’t get a response back, so cracking open the door I took in his sleeping figure. He must have cried himself tired in such a short amount of time. Sitting the food on the night stand, I tucked him in before picking up my stuff and continuing my work. It’s only right for me to be here every time he wakes up. No one wants to wake up alone, especially when they’re carrying so much hurt.

Quietly clicking around, my eyes kept wandering over to his tear streaked face. I can’t help but feel bad for making him that way. The matter has already passed, so I shouldn’t worry but it’s hard not to. Taking out my phone, again, I scrolled around on it aimlessly having no idea on what I really wanted to do with it. My work was almost complete, I’ve scheduled all apartment seeing appointments and my divorce lawyer is already writing everything out. Wow, for the first time in forever I’m not swamped with things to do, and it’s making me anxious.

After a few seconds, I decided to call my parents and get this all out of the way. I can’t keep showing up with announcements out of nowhere. They’re older now and not as accepting of such treatment. I should do this right for once.

“Hanbin? It’s been a while since you’ve called. Is everything all right?” The phone rang once before I was being greeted with the sound of my mother’s voice.

“Hm, yeah, it’s okay, I guess. How have you guys been?” A sigh of relief left her, my heart settling even further into my stomach.

“So far, so good. You’re father is close to retiring in a few years, so we’re preparing for that and your sister is moving out.” A voice in the background, younger than the one on the phone, screamed about how they’re trying to kick her out. “Hush child! You need to live with your husband!”

“H-Husband? Since when?” Sitting up some, I racked my brain for a memory of her getting married.

“She didn’t call you?” Uh, no? “Her boyfriend proposed, but the wedding isn’t until summer, so no worries.” No worries? I’ll need to help pay for things.

“Oh. I’ll congratulate her later.” I suddenly felt weird coming to them about divorce news when my sister is on her way to a life resembling the earlier years of my own.

“Mhm, how’s Jinhwan? I met up with his mother a few days prior and she told me that you declined to take over the company.”

“Yeah, it’ll never be for me. Um, I kind of called you concerning Jinhwan,” It was silent before she released a shaky breath telling me to continue. “Jinhwan and I are getting a d-divorce.”

“After a decade of being madly in love?” Is that what it looked like to everyone else? Madly in love? “What’s the reason?”

I wanted to fix my mouth for the truth, but I knew it’s best to not cause riffs between the families. Our parents have become quite close, even going on vacations together, so I’d hate for them to lose a good friend because of their children’s problems.

“We drifted apart, mom.” A sigh of relief left her at my words. “You said in the beginning that we shouldn’t force ourselves to be together since we’re so different, and I guess, it finally caught up to us.”

“What are you going to do now?”

“I gave him the house and car as they were rarely in use by me. I’m planning on moving somewhere else, preferably with less high rises and more trees, although not really possible in the city.” She laughed lowly making a tight smile stretch across my face. “No, but I’m planning on moving a town over or something. I need my own space for now.”

“That’s understandable. Are you staying with Jiwon?” Agreeing, she asked if he still had his after college furniture. “That child! I’m tell his mother because this is starting to get out of hand. He’ll be an old man with a twisted back before of that furniture.”

“Ha, I keep telling him to get rid of it, but he keeps saying stuff about sentimental value.”

“Sentimental value, my ass. Enough is enough!” I’m glad that she is lightening the situation for me. “Oh, I have to go, don’t want to be late for my club. I’ll call you later and we can talk more my dear child.”

“Okay, be safe. I love you.” She hummed before hanging up.

She took my lie and believed it, thankfully, now I’ll have to tell Jinhwan that lie so he can say it to his own parents. We don’t need anymore problems concerning this matter.

Sliding down in my chair, I glanced at the bed to see that the other was staring at me with a funny look on his face. This is the second time today that he has woken up with that look, or one similar, at the sight of seeing me. I don’t think I look that bad, although opting to not wear my glasses more than I should. Still pretty decent, right?

“You lied to her, why?” Straight to the point, even though he should be ignoring me.

“I don’t want to burden her with our problems. The fact that she knows we’re divorcing is more than enough.”

“A filial child, hm?” I knew what he was hinting at, but I was going to ignore it. “They must be proud to have a child that isn’t a burden.”

“Huh?” Taking off my glasses, I rubbed at the bridge of my nose hoping that no indents were left.

“My parents saw me as nothing more than a burden and got rid of me when they could, so I’m saying that it must be nice.” I guess he isn’t finished with the earlier conversation. “Sorry, I’m speaking way too much.”

“No, you’re not speaking enough.” It’s now, or never, right. “I don’t know what type of people you had around you all your life, but I’m not them. I’m not going to leave you for anything, and I’m being genuine when I say that.”

“Why? Give me one reason why I should believe you?”

“Because,” Licking my lips, a small smile pulled at my lips, “I’m your friend, no matter what.”


	14. Error 404: Selfishness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An update after a long time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long with the update, but a lot has been going on in my life, along with my depression coming back in full swing, so I haven't felt like writing at all. But, I'm back and that's all that matter, so yay, I guess. I've had Hanbin's part done for the longest and for the weeks that I haven't touched this chapter (and story) it's just been sitting there collecting dust. It honestly doesn't even follow my original train of thought for this chapter (which has left the station and hasn't come back), but it fits, so I'm rocking with it. 
> 
> The next chapter will be like a 14.5 as it'll be the smut scene that I asked you guys if you wanted - majority said yes, so it's only right for me to give it to you. Heads up, Chapter 15 will be a flashback that has smut in it also as I want to get that all out of the way for now; plus it deals with Seunghoon and Yunhyeong's "relationship" so that's why it's included. Also, if you want, you can skip Chapter 14.5 as it doesn't really change the story an anyway, only enhance it to give it more detail. 
> 
> Well, that is all for now. I hope you enjoy and I'm happy (?) to be back.

The days we spent together were filled with silence and many questions that didn’t really have answers to most of them. I sat back and listened to him ramble when he wanted to and when he didn’t, I still listened taking in the sound of his breathing. If it was harsh or not could all be identified in a matter of seconds and although already friends, I felt even closer to him. He might not feel the same, but that’s okay because he now knows that I’m here for him. That I won’t leave him while he’s down and wallowing in despair; that I’m not like those before me – that I am, me.

Once he was cleared to continue with work, Jiwon took it upon himself to give the other rides to work, and it would have been ideal for a ride home, but we get off at different hours. He’s supposed to be gone by three while we usually stay two or more hours later depending on overtime. So, instead of riding with us, he took the subway like how he’s been doing. Even going as far as to promise to text us when he gets home so that we can stop being the old men that we are; I mean, if worry makes me older than what I am, then that’s fine.

This worry is needed, anyway.

“Director Kim, here’s the documents on that report from last year’s project that you asked for.” Humming in acknowledgement, I looked away from my computer screen to see Yoona.   

“What are you doing?” It was genuine curiosity as she was never one for trying to hand out papers, or actually getting things that others asked for.

“Manager Kim told me to help around the office more and give you this, but if we’re being honest, I think something is going on between him and Yunhyeong.” My eyebrows jumped at her more than baseless accusation. “They’re way too close nowadays, and not to mention that Manager Kim has started to hang all over his desk since he got back.”

Gossip, gossip, and more gossip. Can no one do their work without speculating relationships and other things?

“Did you finish those reports that I’ve been waiting on for two weeks now?” She bowed in apology quickly running out of my office and mainly out of sight.

This office is starting to become a pain to work at. Should I just quit and do something else? It’ll be a new start, especially since I’m going to move away from everything, I’ve ever become acquainted with. Maybe, I should open up a flower shop? Nah, that’ll really be a laugh.

Noise from outside of the door had me sighing in annoyance as it seems that I can’t catch a break these days. It’s more than likely Jiwon being his normal nosy self along with any of the other ppl he managed to drag into it. Usually it’s Yoona and Deputy Lee, but lately it seems that he has been managing to recruit new people, which is weird since I haven’t seen him being as chatty lately. The door flew open causing me to jump from my thoughts taking in Jiwon (not much of a surprise) and what seems to be an angry Jinhwan. So, we’re now disrupting my workspace? First my life, now this – I really can’t catch a break.

“Sorry, I was trying to get him to go away, but we all know how much strength he has in this little body of – OW!” Wishing to ignore the two, I knew that wouldn’t be possible, so instead I leaned back into my chair watching the two fight one another.

If this was any other day before this point in my life, I would have laughed and broke it up, but they both deserve to get this childness out of their systems. These’ll likely be the last moments when they see one another unless they run into each other, so why not.

“Get the hell out, Bobby!” Kicking the other out, he slammed the door closed but didn’t lock it – I’m guessing this won’t take long. “Now, you! What the hell is this?!” Holding up a manila folder, he waved it around angrily causing whatever words on it to blur becoming ultimately unreadable.

“I don’t know, but it looks like a manila folder with papers in it, or maybe it’s empty? You tell me.” It’s been a while since the last time we spoke, and even though mainly over the whole thing, I still feel hatred lingering besides the love I have for him.

“You literally had to have the papers delivered to me, huh? You couldn’t be man enough to bring them to me yourself?!” Oh, the divorce papers, I forgot that they were being delivered some time this week.  

“I’ve been busy, Jinhwan, so I took the least time consuming option.”

“Busy?” He scoffed hard, his whole body slightly jerking forward with it. “Busy never stopped you from coming to see me before; Busy never stopped you before, but now that it’s the most basic excuse you can’t seem to let it go. What fucking nonsense are you spewing?”

Taking a deep breath, I had to stop myself from having another mental breakdown, it’ll be the third one this week unbeknownst to anyone else, “Do you not realize the position you have put me in? Or are you going to continue to act ignorant towards what has become of us?”

“That – I – I keep apologizing but you won’t even accept it so why not act ignorant towards it, huh? You even told our parents that we’re doing this because we’ve drifted apart.” The pitiful look that came onto his face had me slightly wavering, but we’re too far deep into this for me to go back now. “Let’s just start over, okay? Let’s give us a second chance, hm?”

“No, no, I’m – no, sorry, Jinhwan, but I can’t.”

“So, you’re really going to throw 10+ years away? Just like this?!” Why is he making it something that it isn’t? Why is he trying so hard to make himself the victim?

“I have work to do, so if you could please leave that will be greatly appreciated.” Picking back up my documents, I flipped to the page I had left off on when Yoona had come in moments earlier. “Also, I need the papers signed and to me by the end of the week, but since we’re both busy I’ll give you until the end of next week. Thank you for stopping by Mr. Kim.”

“M-Mr. Kim?! Oh okay, I see what game you’re trying to play, but don’t worry you’ll have your fucking papers by the end of tomorrow, Mr. Kim – no, Director Kim.” Storming out of my office, he slammed the door loudly behind him allowing me to release the breath I was holding.

I never thought that we’d come to this point – I never wanted us to get to this point, but I have also realized that holding onto him will do nothing for me. My love will always be there and so will the pain – the pain isn’t leaving any time soon, sadly.

(~*~)

Sending Manager Kim, or as he wants to be called Jiwon Hyung, away, I went back to focusing on the tasks that needed to be done by the end of the day. I swear something is wrong with him these last few days. He’s always clinging to me like he’s a child or something, and although I go along with everything else those two want, this won’t turn out great in hi favor. He’ll end up somewhere he doesn’t want to be.

“Aish, I should have aimed for the shins.” Glancing up from my screen, the one I had sent away no less than thirty minutes ago had come walking past me looking a mess.

Did I miss something? Because he didn’t look like that the last time I checked.

“Everyone mind your business and go back to work.” Heads snapped back to their screens with a quickness I never saw before – I’m clearly missing something.

Although intrigued, I really couldn’t care less, so standing I gathered the documents that I needed to put in the mail room for them to be sent out and heading towards the elevator I ignored a certain pair of eyes on me. She’s always so nosy when she has her own problems. Not to mention, I overheard Deputy Lee saying that his wife is pregnant again, so she should be more worried about that than me. I should just quit at this point as nothing at this place is even good for me – mentally and physically.

The elevator doors slowly opened revealing the legs to a tall figure that had my head raising rather slowly. Once coming to the face, I couldn’t help the scoff that had left me along with my eyes rolling into my head. It’s always him and never anyone else. Moving over so that he could step out, he only stepped back motioning for me to get on as well. I started to weigh my options on either the stairs or waiting for another elevator, but the mail guy comes at a certain time and doesn’t like staying a second later. So, sucking up my distaste, I stepped on pressing myself against the back wall putting some space between us.

“What floor?” As the doors started to close, I opened my mouth to speak to him in the manner that he deems as rude, but I was stopped by a heavy hand slipping into the wide gap.

The door was wretched back open revealing the face I’ve only ever seen in a picture frame on a desk. Well, it’s now facing downwards, so I haven’t seen such face for a moment now. I hear his name all the time, though, but different topics for different days. The face that I’ve only seen with a smile was doing the complete opposite as a scowl adorned his features pulling his face together tightly.

He didn’t take notice of me automatically focusing his attention on the one who he’s more than likely blaming for running his marriage. It takes two; but those who always have more to lose, feel as though they have no fault in what they do, while the ones with less to lose take up for what they have done. Especially when they have already lost everything important to them in the first place and are only fighting for themselves.

“Why do you look so happy, huh? You know this is all your fault, right?!” Bingo. They should make me a fortune teller because I’m always spot on, most of the time.

“No one told you to get caught, so you only have yourself to blame, Nani.” His smaller hand had cocked back far, slamming into the once pristine side-profile of the other. “Ha…”

“No one told me?! If you hadn’t seduced me in the first place, then none of this would be happening! You ruined everything for me, you sly son of a bitch!” He went in for another hit only to have his arm grabbed, body being flung around with the strength that the other held over him.

“Speak to me once you’ve calm down, or else – ah, I almost forgot.” Koo’s eyes glanced towards me causing me to catch the look out the corner of my eye having already gone back to minding my own business. “This is Yunhyeong, the tempt your husband – I mean, ex-husband – has hired. You’ve always been curious as to what he looks like, correct?”

Rolling my neck, it cracked loudly in the silence that had set over us. He can’t just let me fade into the background, can he? I’m really tired of this game that he gets a kick out of playing which means that it’s only right for me to end it. How much money is left that I owe him? I don’t even think it’s that much, but I’m not giving up my paychecks to him – we’re already far past that point of return.

“Him?” There was a heavy scoffed laced into the three letters that had me sighing in response.

“Yes, him. Isn’t he a beauty?” Fingers came gripping my chin, forcing my head over towards the other who I really didn’t want to be in this situation with. “I wouldn’t be so surprised if his **talents** succeeded such beauty. Then again, your talents are one of a kind, Nani.”

Slapping his fingers away, I glared at him while fixing my clothes chancing a glance at the floor to see that we were still on the office floor. Reaching around the two of them, I pressed the lobby floor before moving back into my corner remaining silent. I had nothing to say about whatever is going on between those two, or more so three. My relationship with Hanbin Hyung is purely platonic and on a friendship basis only, even though he knows more about me than my family, or anyone else, for a matter of fact.

“What are you fucking him too?” Gagging, I covered my mouth while shaking my head as I would hate for anyone to know about whatever we have going on – it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. “I guess not, but it’s nice to see someone as repulsed by you as I am. Although, it doesn’t erase the fact that I don’t like you either, slut.”

I was taken back by the sudden switch and how hostile he had become towards me. We don’t even know each other.

“You might think that just because he’s “single” that you stand a chance, well don’t kid yourself. You’re nothing more than something to play with and once bored you’ll be thrown away. A whore and nothing more is what you are. You got lucky the first time with him showing his kindness towards you, but don’t rely on it, because he’s my husband no matter what.” The doors opened and he left with a spin on his heels leaving me more than confused on what had just happened.

“Seems like the fight is still on, hm?” Being shoved out of the elevator, I turned to flip the other off, but the doors were already closing leaving me with only his annoying smirk.

Whatever. They’re both weird anyway. Actually, everyone in this damn company and community is weird - I should, really, quit. Taking a deep for the second time, I rushed towards the mail room glad that I made it before the mail guy had arrived. Filling out all the paperwork, the envelopes were tossed into the outbox without an ounce of care. The documents are important to others but not to me.

Loitering around the lobby for more time than needed, I made my way back up to the floor I had just left and getting straight back to work I continued to ignore the environment around me. It was nosy as normal, but then again, it has nothing to do with me and my ‘less than’ life.

Mhm, less than…

Work ended like any other day but instead of rushing to jump onto the subway, I slowly walked out of the building towards a restaurant to eat at until the other two had gotten off work. I was forced into promising to ride with the two home so that they could be sure that I got home safe. As if it really matters – I mean, as long as I get there then I don’t see what the big deal is, right? Right. Getting a small table in the corner, I ordered enough food for two people as restaurants nowadays don’t cater to people who just want to eat alone.

“Is this seat taken?” Nodding, I glanced around taking in the tables that were more than empty and waiting for someone to sit in them. “Well, I like this seat, so I hope you don’t mind sharing.” Meeting the other’s eyes, it took everything in me to swallow the water in my mouth. “Why do you look so surprised, Yungie~?”

The knots began to form in my stomach, twisting tightly as the many memories rushed to surface once more. The subway should have been the last time we saw one another. W-Why is he here? He doesn’t belong over here. He needs to crawl back into his trash infested hole and leave me alone.

“You know, I’ve been looking forward to us meeting again.” Taking the seat, he scooted it closer to me causing the smell of his cologne to run into my nostrils chocking me. “I was sad when you ran away from me the last time.”

“Oh, go fuck yourself.” His hand rested heavily on the back of my neck massaging roughly causing the dangling earring that hung from his ear to move just as roughly. “Stop touching m-!”

Grabbing me in an unnatural way, our faces were close to one another, his eyes staring heavily into my own as they looked harder than ever before. My hands automatically came up to his chest pushing on him some to give us some distance that he clearly wasn’t going to give me. Why do all the guys who ruin my life feel so entitled to manhandle me any kind of way? Why do none of them stop for a second and see that we can talk without all of this bullshit?!

“Watch…your mouth, Yungie, okay? We don’t need any old repeats, or do you need to be reminded?” Squeezing my eyes close, I shook my head trying to think of anything else other than him being in front of me. “When I held you the last time, it seems as though your body has gotten even better, so I was just a little curious about a few things. You wouldn’t mind indulging me for old times sake, hm?” Although gentler than his best friend, I would never go there again. “The thought of your body shivering under mine with your eyes wide in fear and confusion makes me hard just thinking about it. Don’t you want to return home?”

“No, I’d rather die.” Clenching my jaw, I opened my eyes wishing to glare at him, only for them to stare straight into his own.

“Mhm, is that so?” The hand that was holding my neck in a death like grip, hand slowly started to travel down my back groping wherever he felt was warranted. “You know, if you took up my offer when I went to visit you that one time, then you would have been out; you would have been living the life you were always destined to. It’s so funny to see what your life has now become, but no worries, my offer still stands.”

Finally removing himself from me, he stood dusting himself off, his shirt flowing like water around him with the movement. Thinking that he would go away never to return, he instead leaned in lips pressing themselves into my forehead like how he had done many times before.

“See you later, baby.” He left just as quickly as he had appeared, and my food arrived only a second later leaving me no real time to process what had just happened.

But I did dip a napkin in water and rubbed at his lips mark furiously. I don’t need him on me anymore than he has once been. I’m disgusted that he feels comfortable enough to touch me, even after all this time. I hate entitled bastards. I really do.

When the other two had finally arrived for us to go home, I was rather silent not even joining in where I usually did to tell them to ‘shut up’ or ‘drop me off down the road’. The car pulled right up to the bottom of the steps and getting out, I rushed up them not even caring to throw my goodbye insult at the duo. Ugh, he’s making everything worse without even doing anything. Taking a quick shower to empty my mind, I came out to a text message on my phone from the one who can’t leave me alone as well. It was just a bunch of numbers and a time. I knew exactly what it meant, so I wasn’t going. He isn’t going to keep bossing me around of money that I can more than likely pay back at this moment in time. Also, the time was in less than an hour meaning that I wouldn’t make it even if I wanted to go.

Deciding that it would be best to go to bed early, I rolled myself into my old, cheap, blanket burying me head into my pillow in hopes to forget everything. Or better yet for me to slowly pass in my sleep – that seems to be the best answer to this disaster of a life. Albeit planning to sleep, my body decided to do the exact opposite keeping me up until what I could guess would be three in the morning before I checked the time. There were a replay of memories and old feelings that came upon me in these late hours and I really had no way to get rid of them mentally.

“Did I fold that laundry I did two days ago?” Yes, I did, but am I going to empty my drawers and re-fold everything? Yes, I am.

Turning on the lamp, I started with the bottom drawers dumping them into the area next to me folding them as if they hadn’t been folded before. I ended up stopping halfway through coming upon clothes that I haven’t seen in well forever. The memories with such clothes had been among the thoughts that kept me awake and involved the one who had popped up on me like a stalker.

_“You look so good in this. It’s annoying how selfish Yoon is.” His fingers lightly traced the hem of the shorts I was forced into wearing by the one he had just named. “If you want, I can buy you more things that I think you’ll look good in.”_

_Wanting to slap his hand away, I didn’t, instead allowing him to fully slip his hand underneath and do as he please. Yoon said I had to for his sake, and this isn’t even the first time, so I don’t even feel disgusted. Should I feel disgusted?_

_“N-No, I’m fine, but thank you for the offer.” Grabbing me by my ass cheek, he pulled me onto him until I had fallen into his lap, his hand running up to my waist scrunching the fabric together in an uncomfortable way._

_“Are you sure that you don’t want to take me up on my offer?” From my waist his hand moved towards the front, rubbing at the bottom of my stomach in a way that had it jumping. “I wonder how Yoon would feel to hear such a thing. Hmm, I don’t want to see another mark on this body, but I’m not supposed to keep things from my boys.”_

_“I-I’ll take the offer…” He hummed into my ear before nibbling on it causing me to suck in my lips to hide my noises of un-want._

_“This is why you’re my favorite, Yungie. You smell good, look good, and your oh-so-smart. It makes my dick harder than you’ll ever know.”_

The feeling of his hands all over me had my eyes brimming with tears that I weren’t going to let fall. I can’t let him win – I can’t let any of them win.

Freshening myself up, I threw on a jacket and slipped on my favorite, and only, pair of converse before rushing out of the door. Catching a taxi, I told the driver the address I wanted to go to and even though I wasn’t really thinking – when do I ever think? – I just knew it would be better to override one memory with a somewhat better one. But it’s only better if you leave all of the context out and scratch out a bunch of details, so on and so forth. It’s annoyingly sad how he’s the better option out of the two, it really is.

Arriving with thirty minutes till four in the morning, I pressed in the multiple codes as I made my way through the home that I had come to known rather well. Not hearing any noises, it was safe to assume that the owner was asleep, so stripping myself of my jacket and kicking off my shoes I calmly made my way up to his bedroom. Coming upon the vast majority of space, I took in the lump on the bed that was covered in the white sheets I stained with blood and other fluids on multiple occasions. Losing my sweatpants, I climbed into bed with the other tossing the blanket away finding him in only his expensive pair of underwear that had put me into this debt with him. At least it’ll finally be paid off now.

“Junie~” I was cringing, rightfully so, on the inside as I planted myself on his lap. “Yah, Koo!”

Leaning over him some, I watched his face twist in confusion, sleepy eyes opening as his hands found leverage on my thighs. Blinking rapidly, he stared at me for longer than needed, licking his lips and moving around his body. The look that had come onto his face was one of intrigued bored instead of the angry one I was used to. I’m not even going to lie, I thought he would be angry that I’m more than six hours late to the time that he had originally called upon me, but he wasn’t. He must have gotten all his anger out on “Nani”.

“I already got my nut, so you can leave.” His words didn’t match his actions as he only held onto me tighter.

Taking the role, that I’ve learned to play in bed, I planted a flirty looking smile onto my face before leaning in closer, “Are you sure you want me to leave?”

It was silent for a while only for his lips to form a word I never knew he could speak, “No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already explained on Misty Eyed, so if you want to read the explanation there then do so, but if not then I'll keep it short:
> 
> \- I'm only going to be on Twt to update AUs (Not in the mood to interact with ignorance)  
> \- If you have anything you want to say pertaining to a story you can message me on here as I don't know if I'll get to you on Twt unless....(revert to the first point)


	15. Another Not an Update (Although another explanation)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just trying to explain my head-space at the moment.

Okay, so I know I said that I'm back working on this story, but low and behold, I am not - it's not like I'm not working on it, but I'm trying and it isn't working.

I have plenty of thoughts and already an ending for this story stamped, stapled, and ready to be put into motion. The only, and main, problem is that every time I open up the document I can't write. Usually, I would chalk it up to being writer's block, but this time I cannot say for sure, because whenever I work on other things I can write for long periods of time without effort. Of course, I can only say that it's me, even though it would be nice if it wasn't. I'm not going to abandon this story as it's one of my favorite ones, but I am going to put it on hiatus like Misty Eyed - although the reasons are mainly different. 

Until I can get my mind back in the right space for this story, I told myself that it might be best to publish a new one in the meantime, so while I figure that out, I want to thank you guys for waiting on me. I'll try to work on a new story that'll actually stick with me and last until I'm ready to end it. 

That's really all I wanted to explain, so I'll see you in a new story or whenever I get back to this one. 

Thanks for the understanding, again.

**Author's Note:**

> How do you like it so far? Is it a good start?


End file.
